Do you keep "your word"?

[JuniperLea]

If someone tells you they are going to do something, and the don't do it, do you consider that going back on one's word?

Or, does a person have to say magic words like "I promise" or "I give you my word" before not following through is going back on one's word?

[LisaM]

1. It really depends. I generally do.

I usually follow through. In the few instances I don't, I explain beforehand.

[JuniperLea]

7. Me too...

Do you feel that by saying you are going to do something, you are giving your word or making a promise?

When I'm not sure if I can do something for sure, I qualify... If I can... maybe... I want to, we'll see if I can do that today... that sort of thing.

[XboxWarrior]

45. Depends.....

if it's my Girlfriend, and I say, "I will never bonk another"......

and then some Hottie comes along willing......

Guess my "word" (as in the lord) was off target.

So what? I lied?

I surely didn't kill any whales......

and I'm sure that the "God" I don't believe in, will surely forgive me.

(and if I'm real lucky, I get the 72 hottie islamic virgins when I die)

;)

[JuniperLea]

51. Doooood...

You spend too much time on the XBox!

LOL!!!

Yeah, well, testosterone is whole nuther Oprah, right? You can't be held accountable against all those raging hormones;)

[Deja Q]

2. If I feel too depressed, sometimes I get a bit slow...

Good thing I'm not running for public office.

Newcomers have the excuse of naivety. Long term and/or career politicians have silver tongues and can say anything to keep people content. And might still be naive on some issues too.

[JuniperLea]

8. I hear that...

For some reason, it's accepted practice for politians to lie. Weird since we rely on them for so much.

But in this instance, I'm more interested in what you think about it, not whether you really do follow through. That's your business and none of mine:)

:hi:

But if someone says they are going to do something, do you take that as a promise, as their word? Generally speaking.

[AlCzervik]

3. i don't promise things i cannot or will not deliver.

[JuniperLea]

5. So, you think by telling someone you will do something...

You are making a promise?

I can explain later, but I would really rather see opinions based on one's own thoughts without my interjecting much if I can help it.

Thanks for your response.

:hi:

[AlCzervik]

6. it's the same thing in my book.

i learned this btw through my daughter, i never promise her anything unless i can and will do it.

[JuniperLea]

9. Oh boy! Do I hear that one!!!

My daughter is 23, and she hasn't forgotten one thing I told her I would do! LOL! I'm very careful when I tell her anything... well, most people I'm very careful with. If I feel positive about being able to do something, I'll say I will do it. If I am not sure, I'll let the person know I'll try, but can't promise.

Thanks:) I'm betting we are on the very same page on this issue:)

[peace13]

10. Exactly.

When my son was young we had to qualify everything with ...'but I can't make any promises'. This solved all of the problems. Peace, Kim

[JuniperLea]

12. What if someone routinely told you they would do things...

And rarely followed through. Would you consider that this person isn't good for their word, or they didn't keep their promises?

[peace13]

66. I try to but my mother and sister routinely change the plans on me,

I try not to let it bother me but sometimes it is not easy. Peace, Kim

[thunder rising]

4. Meds, meds. Must remember meds.

[JuniperLea]

11. LOL! Aww...

If anyone had meds to blame forgetfulness on, I wouldn't hold it against them, that's for sure!

Unless that someone is John McCain... then all bets are off! LOL!

[lonestarnot]

13. Depends,

on the negative. Is one's word the question or going back on one's word? Because one's word is one's word. :hurts: :blush:

[JuniperLea]

16. LOL!!!

That's what I'm saying... I think... :silly:

I think that if you say you are going to do something, then you have given your word. You don't have to say the magic words "I promise" or "I give you my word". By saying you are going to do something, you have given your word. It's an unspoken promise. Agree?

[lonestarnot]

26. Zactly. If you give it, they, she, he, (it in the case of an animal) take it and it's

understood that that is your intention to do this particular act, service, payment, etc. No promise necessary. :D

[JuniperLea]

28. All that being said...

How big a fibber do you think Ms. Nancy Pelosi is?

[lonestarnot]

29. Well what lie did you hear her tell,

I know, I know you asked me first, but I can't think of one off hand.

[JuniperLea]

31. Good question!

Perhaps she purposely spoke vaguely?? Naw... a politician talk in circles? hahahaha!

[alarimer]

14. Yes

I expect that if someone says they are going to do something, they do it. I do it.

(Of course I have learned that if someone says after a date that they are going to call me, it is almost never true.)

[JuniperLea]

21. Yeah, little white lies are kinda sorta different...

I've actually appreciated those little fibs once in a while:)

What if someone tells you they are going to do something, and they don't follow through? Do you feel they have gone back on their word or have broken a promise? Or do they actually have to say, I promise, or I give you my word?

[alarimer]

53. No they don't have to say I promise. I kind of take it as a given.

BUT, I have known some people that were completely unreliable. They never followed through on anything.

[JuniperLea]

55. That's what I'm up against right now...

And it breaks my heart that a good friend doesn't have more respect for themselves than to think it's ok to not follow through. I told this person that I felt they broke their word and I can't believe their promises anymore... the reply was that they hadn't actually said "I give you my word" or "I promise" so simply saying they would do something is not binding in any way.

I'm so sad. I thought this person had more self respect than that. How can you respect someone who doesn't respect themselves?

[applegrove]

15. If you state you will do something specific and then promise - it is going

back on your word to not do it.

[JuniperLea]

18. What if you don't say...

I promise... or I give my word. What if you just say you are going to do something, and then you don't... is that going back on your word in your opinion?

[applegrove]

70. I'm one for saying I'm going to do something - like volunteer to write a letter at my church. It has

been on the back burner for a month. I still think I will do it though. I'm just to busy with other stuff right now.

But saying you are going to do something in the future..and sayin it in a way that is a vow... not doing it is going back on your word.

[Xenotime]

17. I try to.

[JuniperLea]

19. If you can't...

Do you explain? Before or after the expected time?

Sometimes these questions are best thought of from the perspective of someone else not doing what they tell you they will do... what are your expectations from others?

[gollygee]

20. If I say "I promise to do this" I absolutely do it

however, sometimes I have told people, "That's a good idea. I'll try to do that." And then they interpret that as me promising to do it.

[JuniperLea]

22. Been there...

I try to be specific. If I feel I can do it, I'll say I will do it. If I think there's a chance it won't pan out, I say I'll try, or maybe I can do that.

But, if someone tells you they will do something, is that an unspoken promise to you? If they don't do it, do you feel they have gone back on their word?

[gollygee]

24. I think sometimes people say they'll do something and it means they'll try to do it

I don't expect that it's a promise unless that is stated explicitly.

[JuniperLea]

27. What if they keep saying they are going to do something..

Or several different things, over and over, and none of the things they say come to fruition?

[gollygee]

35. If they never follow through with anything, I'd consider them to be unreliable

but I don't think every time someone says, "Yeah, I'll do that" you can assume it'll happen. Circumstances change, and thinking it's a good idea the first time mentioned doesn't mean it'll pan out when they look at their calendar or budget or consider everything involved.

Anyway, there was this class a friend was going to take and wanted me to take as well, and I said (as I best recall) that I'd LOVE to do it and I'd sign up if I could. Which she interpreted as me saying I WOULD (I really really don't think I said I would instead of that I could but I can't say 100% as my memory isn't that great) and she was very upset when it ended up conflicting with something else and I couldn't do it. She said I'd promised I would, and she was counting on carpooling with me, and she was angry because she said I was unreliable.

Anyway, if it's just this one person you've had this problem with, and it's happened over and over again with this person, I'd have to think the person is simply unreliable. But if you're finding that a bunch of different people aren't following through with things, I'd have to wonder if you're interpreting things as certain when they aren't. And if it's just happened once with one person, it might simply be a case of miscommunication.

[JuniperLea]

40. It's this bit...

"Anyway, if it's just this one person you've had this problem with, and it's happened over and over again with this person, I'd have to think the person is simply unreliable."


Over and over and over again. I can't think of one thing this person ever said that was followed through. Yet when confronted, this person said they never went back on their word, and never made a promise because they never said "I give you my word" or "I promise"... they just told me they would do things.

I feel like if I tell someone I'm going to do something, that IS giving my word and it IS making a promise. If I can't, I explain... before or after... this person just doesn't mention it again, and never follows through.

[gollygee]

46. Yeah, if it's happening over and over again then it's a person who is unreliable

There can be miscommunication. People can find themselves in bad circumstances where they can't follow through, and sometimes the circumstances could even be embarrassing or something and maybe they'd be afraid to explain or whatever. But that would only happen maybe once or twice with any given person - it would be an odd occurrence. If you're finding one person is regularly saying he/she will do something and that person is generally not following through, then that's simply wrong.

[JuniperLea]

49. I agree...

Thanks, gollygee:)

[gollygee]

64. I thought of an example of this as it's a bit of a sore spot for me

when I was a kid, my dad promised us a zillion things that never happened. Disneyworld. Going out west to see the mountains. Not everything was that big but just tons of things, big and small, that never happened. It made me very hurt and angry, to the point where this is a big issue for me as a parent.

Last summer, we went to a very small amusement park with my parents (big mistake) and it wasn't really preschool-age-kid-oriented, but my daughter (who was just turning 5) tagged along all day and was a really good sport about it, especially for a little kid. Then, right at the end, my parents showed us this area for young kids, that was basically a wading pool with fountains, but it was done up well and looked like great fun for the preschool crowd. My daughter was THRILLED and ran in and was having a great time. You should have seen her eyes light up when she saw this place. It was like she KNEW something there had to be for kids, and she finally found it. But she wasn't in there for 10 minutes before my parents DEMANDED that we leave that second, and then when my daughter was hurt and cried about it, yelled at her for being undisciplined.

My husband and I thought it was really unfair, and promised that at some point we'd go back and let her spend as much time there as she wanted. I'm not sure if we used the word "promise" but we all understood it as a promise. Sadly, circumstances have changed, and we aren't in a position to pay the airfare right now. We don't know how long it'll be before we can go back, and she might be too old to enjoy that area by the time we can. So, we told her that we couldn't go back THERE any time soon, but we will do something special, and we researched water parks with her that are within driving distance, and together found one that looks like it'll be a ton of fun and that has a huge children's museum close by, and we've now booked the trip. She is very happy with that substitution.

I would certainly give an adult the same level of consideration, and if I weren't able to do specifically what I said I'd do, I'd try to do the best I could and make up for it in some way.

My point is that if you can't follow through, you really need to make amends in some other way unless it's truly not possible. But even then you should try. If someone isn't even acknowledging the problem, and on top of that it's happening over and over again, then that's really sad.

[leftofthedial]

23. one is only as good as one's word

[JuniperLea]

30. Yep! I totally agree!

What I can't seem to figure out is if everyone feels the same about this.

I feel that if someone tells me they will do something, and they don't do it, they have gone back on their word and that's as bad as breaking a promise. If they say "I'll try" or "Maybe I can do this" then I cut them slack because they are clearly saying they can't promise.

Do you think that if someone says they will do something, without qualification as above, that is their word?

[leftofthedial]

38. I believe that going back on one's word is equivalent

to theft and lying all at once.

[JuniperLea]

44. I do too...

Hurtful things, all.

[stillcool]

25. I rarely commit to anything...

I'm a maybe person, but once I say I will do something, I either follow through or try to back out gracefully...if that doesn't work than I just do what I said I would. Like making these damn phone calls.

[JuniperLea]

33. So, you feel that when you say you will do something...

Without the qualification of "maybe"... is that giving your word? Is it an unspoken promise?

[stillcool]

43. Promise is like always and never...

and I just don't do that. The only promises I have agreed to are "promise you won't tell". I am prone to guilt so whenever I say I will doing something...I just can't stand myself until I do it.

[NOLALady]

32. Usually,

unless something happens that I cannot follow through.

Yes, I expect others to keep their word or at least try their best.

[JuniperLea]

34. So, you feel that when someone tells you they will do something...

That is giving you their word?

[NOLALady]

68. Absolutely Yes.

My word is my bond. I expect no less from others.

[TahitiNut]

36. "Never separate the lives you live from the words you speak." (Paul Wellstone)

Absolutely. My integrity is key to my self-image. It's NOT about what "you" think; it's about what I think. It's NOT about how someone else might enforce a contract; it's about how I keep my own thoughts, words, and actions in alignment. Some call it the "Noble Eightfold Path." I call it integrity. I refuse to live any other way.

[JuniperLea]

37. Well said... very well said...

I'm just trying to understand how some people cannot feel the need for that kind of integrity. Some people can say they will do this or that, and never follow through on what they say.

To me, if I say I'm going to do something, that IS my word. I don't have to say magic words like "I promise" or "I give you my word". It IS my word, coming from my mouth, when I tell you I'm going to do something.

I'm trying to get into someone else's shoes here, and it's the most difficult thing I've done for a long while. I simply cannot understand how some people can tell you they will do something, and maybe tell you 20 different things over the course of a year, and not follow through with any of them, and they don't feel they've gone back on their word or have broken a promise because they never said those "magic" words.

I can't do that. I have to feel I have some integrity. I don't understand how others don't feel that way too.

[TahitiNut]

57. "You can't take it with you."

That was the play in which I 'starred' in my high-school's All-School Play. I played the part of Grandpa Martin Vanderhof, the part played by Lionel Barrymore in the 1938 movie version.

"As near as I can see, the only thing you can take with you is the love of your friends."

Well, over the years I've decided that Grandpa was missing something. I've decided that, IF ANYTHING, what I'd take with me is ... me. If anything, I'd face being in my OWN company ... for eternity. (That sounds like a long, long time to me.) If that's the case - and I really have no idea whether it is or not - I'd rather like my own company than not. I'd like to think that the person I spent my life becoming was someone I'd like being with. I figure it's as good an idea as any. No matter what, I don't figure I can go wrong with that as a "pole star."

I don't really think we cheat others as much as we cheat ourselves if we can't be as good as we can be - no matter what we might call "good." Even if I can't get it 'rght' all the time ... the practice does me good. And that ain't all bad. I don't want "easy." I want "worth it."

[JuniperLea]

58. I guess that's where the old saying comes from...

Some people say it's hard living with oneself. I agree with you... it's far better to be the kind of person you CAN live with.

I don't know about that eternity jazz either, but it's worth the effort to be trustworthy in this life and to be able to live with yourself in the next... if there is one.

I don't know if it was the Irish Catholic grandmother, or the Jewish Godmother, but I feel sorta guilty when I don't follow through with what I say I will do. And I feel my word is my bond, and I don't have to say I give you my word or I promise to feel that it's both those things for me to simply state I'm going to do something.

Thanks for the wise words:)

[ManiacJoe]

39. Your word is your bond.

If I make a commitment, I keep it. No magic phases like "I promise" or "I give you my word" needed. If the commitment cannot be made upfront, then qualifiers like "we'll see", "I'll try", and "no promises" are used. If the commitment is made but cannot be kept due to outside influences, notice is given as soon as possible.

I hold everyone, including myself, to the same standard. Obviously, not everyone measures up. Some people are just known to be unreliable as they frequently break/go-back-on their word/promise. Once you figure out where everyone fits, you just account for it.

As for politicians, everything they say has an implied "no promises" attached to it by definition.

[JuniperLea]

41. Well said... I agree completely...

Thanks for spelling it out so well!

[gulliver]

56. I disagree with your last line.

Politicians have no such out. There is no implied "no promises." Cynically speaking, there may be an expectation that they will break their word, but it is their word, and breaking it is, if anything, worse than a non-leader breaking their word.

[JuniperLea]

60. True...

Funny how most of us give them a pass in that regard. We shouldn't.

[LWolf]

42. Yes. n/t

[JuniperLea]

48. :)

Yes to both questions? Or one?

:hi:

[LWolf]

62. Yes, I keep my word.

If someone tells me he is going to do something, and he doesn't do it, I may or may not consider that going back on his word, depending on the context. I will probably consider that person to be unreliable, regardless.

Magic words like "I promise" or "I give you my word" are not a requirement, nor a guarantee, of fidelity.

Of course, I consider the spoken promise, given in trust, to be more sacred than the signed contract, based on distrust.

And yes, I honor my legal contracts, too, lol.

In the context of politics, I assume that few to none of the campaign promises made by the majority of candidates will be acted on, which is why I find rhapsodizing over most candidates' statements or speeches to be foolish, at best, and dishonest, at worst.

In the context of primary voters, I believe that many who claim one thing as they campaign for a favorite will claim something different further down the road. They play the campaign game, which is not based on honesty or integrity.

That said, when you repeatedly demand to know what a voter is going to do next November, for example, which is 9 months away, you should understand that whatever answer you get can't be written in stone, and may change as the situation changes.

When a candidate makes a promise to prospective voters, though, I think that promise ought to be kept, or the politician removed from office.

[JuniperLea]

63. rhapsodizing

Perfect word. I may have to use that later on;)

Yes, we give politicians too many free passes to lie to us! Removal from office is a far more rare thing than it should be.

Great post. Thanks:)

[LWolf]

67. You're welcome, of course.

;)

[Swamp Rat]

47. Never

I give them away. :D

[JuniperLea]

50. hahaha! Hi Swampy!

Yeah, no good OR bad deed goes unpunished around you! As it should be!

[Swamp Rat]

52. Way'at Juniperx!

:hug: I'm just having fun. :D

[JuniperLea]

54. I know!

And I can dig it!

[rucky]

59. I'll tell you later.

promise.

[JuniperLea]

61. LOL!!!

Good one! Nicely done... whew... literally laughing out loud here:P

[varelse]

65. Yes, when I can

it's not always possible, though, and I understand that when others don't keep their word. Also, some people just don't seem to remember what they promise. Even for an hour or so, some of them :P Once you get to know them, you don't get burned (unless you're just a 'sucker' hehe).

[ConcernedCanuk]

69. Yes I do

.
.
.

And I do not apologize for judging other people on "keeping their word"

Trust

is the most important quality in a relationship.

Whether is between a pet and his "master"

An employee and his employer

A friend

etc.

Trust is #1

And that is a paramount to "keeping one's word" IMO

[JuniperLea]

72. Trust is #1...

Exactomundo! Thanks;)

Sorry for the delay... I try to stay "IRL" on the weekends as much as possible, so I don't post here much.

[Maddy McCall]

71. I do keep my word.

And in both the questions above, I'd say that those situations demonstrate a person not keeping his/her word.

[IsItJustMe]

73. I most often keep my word. And saying it, means it, to me. It does not have to be prefaced by

I promise.

I wont keep my word when I find out that the party that I was making the agreement with was operating in bad faith.