Jimmy Carter: I Got What America Needs Right Here

[smoogatz]

Sometimes I'm a little stupid, maybe, a little slow in the head, so I'm wondering if you can help me get something straight. Maybe you can help me understand one fucking thing right now, America, and explain to me what in the Christ is going on here. 'Cause, unless I'm missing something, this country is in the middle of a motherfucking shitstorm, and I have no fucking idea what you're gonna do to get out of it. I mean, are you seriously considering voting for one of these shitbags you got here in '08? Fat fucking chance.

Way I see it, America needs a president who's gonna somehow un-royally screw up the Middle East, do some serious cleaning up after you dropped your pants and took a steaming dump all over the fucking environment, and—boom!—restore dignity, honor, and all that shit to these United States.

See, I got solutions to all your problems—I got 'em right here in my big, hairy ballsack.

You better get down on your hands and knees and kiss Jimmy Carter's rosy-red Georgia-peach-picking ass and beg me to run your fucking country again, because there's no way I'm ever gonna come to you fuck-knobs and politely ask you if I might please be a presidential candidate in your precious fuckin' election. So you can just bite my cock. I've had it with you jerkoffs and your jerkoff candidates.

more: http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/i_got_what_america_needs_right

[Blue_Tires]

1. lol....note that he pointed to his crotch while writing it

[madrchsod]

2. nothing like an onion to brighten the day!

[MedleyMisty]

3. I was born in December of 1980

So I don't know what he was like as president, but I know what he's like now and if he ran I'd vote for him.

[Deep13]

4. That fucker's right, yah know.

:evilgrin:

[smoogatz]

5. Fuckin' a.

[On the Road]

6. Hahahahahahahahahhaha

The fact that the subject matter is dead on makes it that much better.

(Except for the reference to 1975 -- he took office in 1977.)

[rateyes]

7. I would love to see the next POTUS make Carter

Secretary of State.

[smoogatz]

9. Big Dog.

The only thing I'd like about Hillary as President is Big Dog as Sec'y of State.

[FSogol]

11. It would be against the law for Hillary to put Bill in a job like that.

The President cannot name relatives to office.

[smoogatz]

12. They must have changed it since Kennedy appointed his brother

to be, uh, Attorney General. Got a link?

[FSogol]

13. Sorry I don't. But I did read it recently. It was an article where

they were speculating when Bill could be nominated by the Gov of NY to fill Hillary's Senate seat. The article cited reasons why he couldn't be given a cabinet level position.

[FSogol]

14. Acutally a little googling shows there was a 1967 federal antinepotism statute

in which: "A public official is prohibited from employing, appointing, promoting, advancing or advocating for appointment, employment promotion or advancement any relative for a civilian position in the agency in which the public official is serving."

Why are relatives allowed to lobby?

[ieoeja]

8. And with Gore as his running mate: two Nobel prize winners on one ticket!

Yes, I know it's a joke. But just saying....

[rateyes]

10. A Gore/Carter ticket wouldn't be a bad one. nt

[Tommy_Carcetti]

15. Ah, The Onion

Until I saw the link I was going to criticize you for being a bit crass to our gentleman 39th President of the United States, but once I saw The Onion link, I just had to laugh.