Here's how Fox Business Network can get viewers

[EV_Ares]

Filed under: Competitive strategy, News Corp'B' (NWS)

News Corp (NYSE:NWS) today announced that it will revamp its Fox Business Network lineup in response to recent viewership reports showing that Americans would rather undergo a cavity search than watch the shows.

Drawing upon inspiration from its successful Fox Entertainment division, we hear that a number of new programs are under consideration:

Homer Nose Business -- a "Simpsons" take on making 'd'oh' in the food and beverage industries, with field reporters Apu Nahasapeemapetilon, Jr. and Moe Szyslak.

24:00 Stocks -- Kiefer Sutherland hosts a new studio show in which CEOs of tanking corporations are subjected to waterboarding and other amusing non-torture interview techniques in order to extract crucial investor information.

American Idle --The 'idle rich' report by Paris Hilton, featuring the latest exposés directly from the wellspring of the trickle-down economy.

Prison Break-- Five-minute updates hosted by Andrew Fastow, Conrad Black and Lou Pearlman, live from their offices in U.S. Federal government facilities.

Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader? – Stock market gurus face off against 5th graders equipped with Magic 8 Balls. Losers must eat their losses, catsup optional.

The Street-- Heidi Fleiss goes undercover to gather the latest down and dirty insider information from Wall Street.

Malcolm in the Middle - The impact of the Forbes legacy, as reflected by accomplishments of the Bush era. Reported by Steve Forbes.

FOX NASDAQ Sunday -- with Jimmie Johnson, Terry Bradshaw and Jim Cramer-- a madcap hour of opinions, insults and penetrating analysis of why yesterday's market movements were inevitable and why their previous prognostications should be excused.
Y
our Big, Fat Stock Report --with Peter Griffin (Family Guy). Heh-heh-heh. Booger.

Link: http://www.bloggingstocks.com/2008/01/04/heres-how-fox-business-network-can-get-viewers/

[Richard Steele]

1. Revamp every show to a "Fox Anchor silently watching MSNBC on a bigscreen" format?

[Jack from Charlotte]

2. Get the women on the show to remove their shirts.... (NFM)

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[comradebillyboy]

3. they can boost ratings by doing the "naked news"

the boobs will tune in to see boobs