Borowitz: Attempting to Destroy CIA Tapes, Cheney Burns Down White House

[EFerrari]

The White House, one of the most historic structures in the nation's capital, burnt to the ground today after Vice President Dick Cheney attempted to incinerate a cache of CIA interrogation tapes in his office.

According to White House aides, the blaze started shortly after twelve noon, minutes after Mr. Cheney slipped out of a cabinet meeting, saying that he had to "hit the head."

But rather than using the bathroom as he had stated, the vice president instead went to his office and put a blowtorch to a pile of CIA interrogation tapes which the White House had feared might be subpoenaed in the near future.

"I started burning those things and boom, they went up like a rocket," an apologetic Mr. Cheney later told reporters.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/andy-borowitz/attempting-to-destroy-cia_b_77554.html

[The Magistrate]

1. There's Many A Truth Told In Jest, Ma'am

My daughter told me at ten that she that she knew I was serious because I was joking....

This thing probably is a garden variety accident, but it is interesting....

[EFerrari]

2. My former life mate never said anything in jest that wasn't true in earnest, Sir.

We'll know very soon, I think.

[TwilightZone]

6. "she knew I was serious because I was joking...."

Pretty amusing, that.

[babylonsister]

3. Lots of people immediately had this thought; great minds... nt

[icnorth]

4. Damn!

And here I was thinking it was his pacemaker that had flamed out.:evilgrin:

[TwilightZone]

5. Ah, satire. Or is it?

[EFerrari]

7. Kick

[KoKo]

8. I was amazed had how many of us thought this fire was "just in the nick of time."

and even Josh Marshall's site has a comment on front page about the "shredders overheating" which is what many DU'ers spontaneously posted.

[EFerrari]

9. They're going to have to burn down Langley: CIA will release documents

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x3108147

[Raksha]

10. Burning down Langley seems like kind of a tall order even for Cheney.

I mean...with all those spooks around and everything. But who knows, maybe Cheney will luck out and find some old Nazi to help with the project...

[DCKit]

15. Nah, son of a Nazi.

Thanks to the OP'er for the giggle.

[Gman]

11. Wouldn't be the first time

[kelligesq]

12. Actually, overworking the shredders started the electrical fire

was my immediate thought

[DrDebug]

13. Next day: Halliburton awarded contract to rebuild White House

ABU DHABI (AP) - Within 24 hours after the destruction of the White House, Halliburton announced that it was awarded the no-bid contract to rebuild the White House for a mere $853,921,435.07. CEO David J. Lesar told reporters that it wasn't really a surprise, because they have become the market leaders in cronyism. "Just last week we finished building a bridge of the Mosul river in Iraq for the fourth time, however we discovered that there was even better and prettier design, so we awarded the no-bid blow-up contract to Osama bin Laden and the fifth version of the bridge will be even more breathtaking."

[DrDebug]

16. Two days later: White House will be rebuild in Dubai

George W. Bush signed Executive Order #536,647 relocating the White House to Dubai. "The White House will remain part of the US government subject to US laws, however Dubai has no extradition agreement with the United States, meaning that Mr. Bush and Mr. Cheney could not be compelled to return to the US to testify, be part of impeachment proceedings, stand trial or serve any sentence related to any Presidential or Vice-Presidential activities which may or may not be under (future) investigation."

[malaise]

14. Brilliant n/t

[mwb970]

17. I knew it was cheney the moment I heard the news.

That rotten devil is behind every crime and travesty of this God-forsaken administration. I am ready to declare him the worst, most vile political figure in the history of the country. Any historians with better candidates?

[Ganja Ninja]

18. I wonder how long it will be before we hear this excuse:

"Those records were destroyed in the fire at the executive office building."

[EFerrari]

19. There's a hearing tomorrow. n/t