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Edited on Fri Dec-14-07 12:49 PM by BleedingHeartPatriot
I offer up this post to the those fellow DU’ers at whom I directed unpleasant, snarky posts about the NL/FB shootings earlier this week.
I had the astoundingly mistaken notion I could be objective about the events of last Sunday. For that miscalculation, I apologize profusely, a situation where one says "it's not you, it's me", no matter how cliched it may sound, and means it.
It’s my attempt to reconcile conflicting emotions about this event. I know it's long and disjointed sounding but I make no claims to being an essayist. I just consider it a relating of certain moments in time and place, as viewed by a one person in a world of billions.
It is a pure pleasure to be a part of an online community where one can publicly melt down and get kindness and understanding from others.. Thank you all. :hug:
Now, the rant:
I have the good fortune to live in the beautiful state of Colorado, future home of the 2008 Democratic National Convention.
I love my adopted home state.
I grew up in New Mexico, the daughter of an Army vet, who regularly hunted. When my father came home with game, it provided wonderful meals and snacks. (I still remember jerky drying over every surface in the kitchen). Our garage doubled as the game processing center during hunting season. It was just how it was, and not of overarching significance in our childhood worlds.
As I look back on that childhood, I now realize that, growing up, I had immediate access to a variety of weapons. Of course neither I nor my siblings would have entertained the mere notion of the wisp of an idea of even touching one of those guns without Dad’s express permission. It wasn’t in our vernacular at all.
It was just part of the landscape of my youth.
I later joined the Army, and became a proficient marksman (markswoman?) with an M16. During my stint I found that the military posts had excellent firing ranges, and/or skeet shooting ranges, at which to hone those skills. All those who used those ranges were nothing but extremely careful and cognizant of the deadly consequences of careless handling of the guns.
It was a part of the landscape of my time as a G.I.
Eventually, about 20 years ago,at the end of my military obligation and with family members here in the area, we settled down in the neighboring state of CO.
I think one could easily describe Colorado as 2nd amendment friendly. The natural landscape provides spectacular opportunities for hunting. And, gun ownership isn’t just tolerated, it’s viewed as a deeply inherent right, for most. Back about twenty years ago, our state had the dubious distinction of defining the first “make my day” laws, allowing homeowners to use deadly force against alleged intruders, with little or no consequence, even if the “intruder” was in the street or running away or didn’t appear to be a threat.
The culmination of money, guns and unimaginable alienation bubbled to the surface in our state and we had Columbine.
Devastating.
Many rethought their views of guns and violence. Many others held more tightly to their weapons.
Columbine is now part of the Colorado landscape.
I share a state with two enormous religious entities, Faith Bible in Arvada and New Life in Colorado Springs. I know several people who are members of FB and a few who attend NL.
They, and I, have very successfully compartmentalized the theological parts of our lives. In the past, I was invited several times to attend services at one or the other, which I turned down without thinking twice. Large “group think” settings carry little appeal for me, paticularly after years of military indoctrination.
And I’ve always found something unsettling about these large modern churches, which bring to mind Jesus’s reaction to the money changers in the temple. Until fairly recently, I was a member of a small neighborhood church, where we provided shelter and assistance to those in need, and tried to do good works.
Personally, I no longer feel very positive about any organized religion and have completely foregone attending church since a couple of years before my child’s HS graduation.
And, Faith Bible kept buying up acres and acres of land all around me. New Life became nationally recognized as a “mover and shaker” church.
They were part of the community landscape.
One thing I can say about FB and NL friends, coworkers and neighbors with whom I have peacefully coexisted for 20 years is this: pious, they’re not. Not by a long shot.
Back in the day when I was apparently considered a potential parishioner, prior to my Dec 2000 political awakening, they described membership in a mega church in a way that sounded almost fun.
Music, singing, cheering and socializing with upbeat people, what’s not to like?
After my awakening, it seemed I became quite vexing for them and the invitations were no longer forthcoming. Yet, we continued to maintain friendly and,in the case of work colleagues, professional relationships with each other.
Last Sunday began a seismic shift for me personally and for my community, my home.
Now, those of us who are not part FB/NL membership are looking anew at these huge religious conglomerates. It was one of their own flock, after all, who committed these horrific acts. And, there is a sense that there was much obfuscation and covering up, after the first shooting, instead of warning those who were potentially in danger. There is little understanding why the young man who had murdered with his gun, who was known to the first missionary group he attacked, was not found in the 12 hours before the second shooting, even as he posted many times on a website where he was also known.
There is an idea, slowly and steadily growing, among those who inhabit a variety of cultural and ethnic groups here in our state. The thought that if it had been an alleged brown, black and/or impoverished person, the accused shooter’s name and picture would have been blared from the airwaves for hours.
Haves. Have nots. Influential. No influence. We’ve seen it before.
Our community is fractured, a major shift from the aftermath of Columbine, when we all came together to share in common, stunned grief and tried to go forward together. What have been spotlighted are the two different worlds that until Sunday coexisted, Colorado style, for decades.
In a big western state, there’s lots of room for many people, a large number of whom are adherents of the expression “live and let live”. This attitude has helped these religious tax free corporations to grow, flourish and control, all while seeming to be just part of the landscape.
The pain and dismay of those most affected is not shared, this time. Those who are hurting have gone behind the closed doors of their compounds’ huge auditoriums, with stadium seating and stages with sound and lighting worthy of Broadway.
The hallway in New Life has already been cleaned and repaired, with all traces of the gun battle erased.
And, those of us on the outside see, yet again, that justice is different when one has Gazillions Of Dollars on one’s side.
GOD’s warriors, revealed, for a moment.
And those of us beyond the walls gaze in wonder at the changes to the landscape.
MKJ
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