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or: The commercialization of Christmas
After Santa Clause's company went public that same old ho-ho-ho went flat, as has the company's stock.
Union Elf costs, transportation of raw materials, fuel costs, and environmental laws have led to skyrocketing costs for the once Jolly old elf.
A company spokeswoman stated that there "would no impact to the usual delivery date of December 25th" but declined to comment on exactly how the new policies might affect outlying regions which have traditionally been delivered to via magic sleigh.
One insider told us "It's about pleasing a few stock holders now instead of the children of the world" and told us there would be bad news to come but could not comment on it for fear of his identity being found out.
What was once a bustling charitable organization the Christmas tradition of giving became an investors dream, one where buying has replaced giving and goods made by family members/elves became less appealing. As the demand of children for bigger and better toys climbed during the tech boom the ability of the organization to afford such toys became less and less.
And then in rode the investors who promised not only to be able to deliver all the goods, but turn a profit on via advertising on toys, cost cutting, and a 5 year plan to 'streamline' operations. A win-win for everybody we were told.
Donations dried up and became stock shares, and people wanted something back of course. But costs kept rising, people were not as willing to give their time freely, they wanted something in return for their efforts as well - why work for free for a company and then they get large bonuses and paychecks?
Santa today announced he was stepping down and that he was not needed anymore. He regrets now going public and says he was only trying to do it to help the children of the world, and promised to donate his exit bonus, rumored to me in the tens of millions, to the salvation army and other charities.
Santa Inc (SIN) dropped 10 points to 53.13 and analysts expected to drop further in the next few days.
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