To lighten things up a bit - The official Republican Dictionary

[MiniMe]

Enjoy

THE OFFICIAL REPUBLICAN DICTIONARY



Alternative energy sources n. New locations to drill for gas and oil.


Bankruptcy n. A punishable crime when committed by poor people but not corporations.

"burning bush" n. A biblical allusion to the response of the President of the United States, when asked a question by a journalist who has not been paid to inquire.

Cheney, Dick n. The greater of two evils.

Class warfare n. Any attempt to raise the minimum wage.

Climate change n. The blessed day when the blue states are swallowed by the oceans.

Compassionate conservatism n. Poignant concern for the very wealthy

Creationism n. Pseudoscience that claims George W. Bush's resemblance to a chimpanzee is totally coincidental

DeLay, Tom n. 1. Past tense of De Lie
2. Patronage saint

Extraordinary rendition n. Outsourcing torture

Faith n. The stubborn belief that God approves of Republican moral values despite the preponderance of textual evidence to the contrary

Free markets n. Halliburton no-bid contracts at taxpayer expense

Girly men n. Males who do not grope women inappropriately

God n. Senior presidential adviser

Growth n. 1. The justification for tax cuts for the rich.
2. What happens to the national debt when Republicans cut taxes on the rich

Healthy forest n. No tree left behind

Honesty n. Lies told in simple declarative sentences--e.g, "Freedom is on the march"

House of Representatives n. Exclusive club; entry fee $1 million to $5 million (See Senate)

Laziness n. When the poor are not working

Leisure time n. When the wealthy are not working

Liberal(s) n. Followers of the Antichrist


No Child Left Behind riff. 1. V. There are always jobs in the military
2. n. The rapture

Ownership society n. A civilization where 1 percent of the population controls 90 percent of the wealth


Patriot Act n. 1. The pre-emptive strike on American freedoms to prevent the terrorists from destroying them first.
2. The elimination of one of the reasons why they hate us

Pro-life adj. Valuing human life up until birth


Senate n. Exclusive club; entry fee $10 million to $30 million

Simplify v. To cut the taxes of Republican donors

Staying the course interj. Slang. Saying and doing the same stupid thing over and over, regardless of the result

Stuff happens interj. Slang. Donald Rumsfeld as master historian

Trickle-Down Economics n. When the rich get to trickle down on the poor

Voter fraud n. A significant minority turnout

[rusty quoin]

1. Creationism made me laugh.