When in a public restroom, I check to see if a stall is occupied by:

[rzemanfl]

[Gman]

1. Other: A Republican Senator

[rzemanfl]

2. You forgot to vote. I take it that a Republican State Legislator

like Bob Allen doesn't fit your criteria.

[Glorfindel]

3. I voted for "shoes under the door" but

if the door is closed, I don't try to open it. Actually, I detest public rest rooms and avoid them whenever possible.

[endarkenment]

4. Dump on the floor: it is safer. nt.

[BlueJazz]

6. LOL!...Damn!

[Mend]

5. I bend over, picking up all the dirty toilet paper I can find, while sneaking

a peak under the doors to see what is going on.

[DemocratSinceBirth]

7. If I See Any GOP Senators I Just Leave And Look For Another Restroom

eom

[ccpup]

8. I blow a very loud whistle

scaring the crap out of everybody and then I have all the stalls to myself! :-)

Oh, wait. Did I use the verb "blow" in a Post about Public Restrooms? That doesn't mean I'm (gulp) GOP, does it? Does it?! :scared:

(then I go and use the verb "gulp". I should just stop while I'm aHEAD) :rofl:

[rzemanfl]

9. LOL. n/t

[TechBear_Seattle]

11. Stop this crap, I'm getting pissed

:hi:

[FunkyLeprechaun]

10. Everyone I know knock on the door to see if anyone is in the cubicle

As I'm deaf, I peer under the door for shoes. I absolutely hate people who don't lock the door and I accidentally walk in on them. If it's accidental, that's fine but lock the door in the near future. (there ARE bathroom doors that don't have gaps wide enough to peer under the door).

There was one time I was on the flight and one of the passengers had the habit of leaving the door unlocked when he did his business. My mother had ran into him and told me and I was like oh really? (didn't believe her). I actually had to go to the loo and saw a "vacant" door and ran into the passenger my mum was talking about.

That's fine if you're at home, but not in a public restroom! I always make a point to tell my houseguests my code, close the door if it's occupied. When you leave the bathroom, leave the door open. That way I can tell when a bathroom's not occupied. My parents know this and have taken a habit to it as well.

[underpants]

12. You are a TURD BURGLAR!!

ASTAIRE -- A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that you are occupying a cubicle. This will remove all
doubt that the cubicle is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooer can poo in peace.




CROP DUSTING -- When farting, you walk briskly around the office so the smell is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn't know where it came from. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full payload has been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has left your pants.

FLY BY -- The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooing. Walk in and check for other pooers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.

ESCAPEE -- A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a poo in a cubicle. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee. It is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.

JAILBREAK -- When forcing a poo, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhoea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the cubicle until everyone has left the bathroom to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

COURTESY FLUSH -- The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poo hits the water. This reduces the amount of airtime the poo has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.

WALK OF SHAME -- Walking from the cubicle, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.

OUT OF THE CLOSET POOER -- A colleague who poos at work and is proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooer enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under his or her arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooer
before entering the bathroom.

THE POOING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N) -- A group of co-workers who band together to ensure emergency pooing goes off without ncident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of Out Of The Closet Pooers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.

SAFE HAVENS -- A seldom-used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are
predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooer of your sex entering the bathroom.

TURD BURGLAR -- Someone who does not realise that you are in the cubicle and tries to force the door open. This is one of the
most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a poo at work. If this occurs, remain in the cubicle
until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.

CAMO-COUGH -- A phoney cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a cubicle.This can be used
to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.


WATERMELON -- A poo that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you
feel a Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.

HAVANA OMELET -- A case of diarrhoea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a Camo-Cough with an Astaire.

UNCLE TED -- A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An Uncle Ted makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to poo when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.

[stirlingsliver]

13. I Open The Door and Yell This....

I open the door and yell, "I gotta be ME".