In Sickness and in Stealth

[unhappycamper]

In Sickness and in Stealth
by Ed Naha | Aug 22 2007 - 9:39am


It's been a busy month for our President. He's had a few polyps and a turd blossom surgically removed and his doctors have revealed that, a year ago, he was treated for Lyme disease. The physicians waited twelve months before making this fact public in order to give the offending tick enough time to ready itself to take Karl Rove's place.

Lyme disease, even if treated, can cause muscle and joint pains, arthritis, cognitive defects, sleep disturbance and fatigue for years. Bush is also recovering from an inner ear infection and sinus infection as well as a virus that resulted in a stomach bug in June and still causes the President some mild dizziness and disorientation.

The sad thing is: with Bush, disorientation is national policy. He could start speaking in tongues in public and nobody would notice.

Bush is plagued by several other ailments, according to an anonymous former White House source (thanks, Scooter).

He is prone to Bizarro Bifocalism, a condition that leads the patient to see things as being the opposite of what they truly are. Take Iraq, for instance. Over 400 innocent civilians can be blown up in a day. 190,000 American weapons can get "lost." Billions of dollars can disappear. There is little or no drinking water. Electricity makes an appearance for only an hour or two a day in major cities. The Maliki government is in a shambles. Forty-nine Americans have died in Iraq this month, with 3,707 the total for the invasion thus far. The Army's suicide rate is the highest in 26 years, with 99 active duty troops finding the ultimate exit strategy last year. A government report states: "...there was a significant relationship between suicide attempts and number of days (troops were) deployed" in Iraq and Afghanistan. Bush's reaction? Extend the time spent in Iraq on a tour of duty and claim "We're making progress."

When queried about a Red Cross report that found that interrogation techniques used by the CIA were tantamount to torture, Bush summed up: "I haven't seen it. We don't torture."

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