Got the hell kicked out of me doing community service...

[Lobster Martini]

I cannot provide photographs because my first thought when waking up was not "I really ought to recharge my camera's batteries because I will get the hell beaten out of me today."

I have serious bruises on both arms, and I don't even want to talk about my leg. That is going to take a while to heal.

I worked at an art museum and it looks magnificent. Problem is that there is no art there. There are no people there. It is closed. So, I had the crap beaten out of me for no particular reason.

[Bunny]

1. .

:shrug:

[Warren Stupidity]

2. mystery post du jour?

[Seabiscuit]

96. Methinks the OP stole the theme from the last Twilight Zone series...

Of course, the character in that one wasn't named "Lobster Martini".

[Algorem]

14. -

[laruemtt]

3. ? what is this about? n/t

[zanne]

4. Details, please!

WTH happened? Will you be OK?

[Buzz Clik]

5. Today's Headline: "Cameraless Photographer Assaulted in Empty Building"

[zabet]

6. "By no one, for no reason."

[A HERETIC I AM]

8. Maybe it was a "Night at the Museum" type thing where all the stuffed displays came to life....

Maybe a statue kicked his ass.

Or maybe "Lobster Martini" is not so much a user name, but a lifestyle.

[Buzz Clik]

13. I favor the latter more than the former...

[HamdenRice]

39. Wasn't "Lobster Martini" a dish someone tried to make on Top Chef the other night? nt

[A HERETIC I AM]

43. LOL! Top Chef or Iron Chef?

"Morimoto has pureed the Lobster and has added Vodka to it and now carefully pours it into a Martini glass with....what is that?"

"Looks like an Olive skewered by a lobster antenna, Stan"

YES! YES, it is indeed an olive on a lobster antenna. Morimoto has certainly broken new ground here today in Kitchen Stadium!"


OK, thats just silly

[HamdenRice]

45. Or

Tom Collichio: Howie, you've had conflict with every team you've been on and it showed in your lobster martini.

Gail Simmons: To be honest, I found the lobster martini inedible.

Tom Collichio: Yeah it was actually tough to get down.

Padma: Howie . . . . . . . pack your knives and go!

[A HERETIC I AM]

46. ...

:toast: :rofl: :spray:

Poor guy with the OP.....

He probably had a really tough day.

Oh well. Still funny

[youthere]

154. I'll have a lobster martini..two olives...shaken, not stirred.

[lumberjack_jeff]

49. No kidding. "Wax statues", my ass. n/t

[Warren DeMontague]

146. It was Owen Wilson. Sure, he was only 8 inches tall, but that fucker is MEAN!

Full disclosure: I actually did watch part of that movie, but it was on an airplane so I have an excuse. I wasn't that impressed, but my toddler thought it was a riot with no sound on.

[Coexist]

12. lol!

[billyoc]

16. No, "CONVICTED Cameraless Photographer Assaulted in Empty Building"

:rofl:

[Buzz Clik]

17. subtitle: "Mo-Ped Left Unharmed"

[billyoc]

18. "Cub scouts wanted for questioning."

:rofl:

[A HERETIC I AM]

68. "I will not buy this record, it is scratched"

My Hovercraft is full of eels.
You have beautiful thighs.
Take down your panties Sir William, i can not wait till lunchtime.
If i told you you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?
I am no longer infected.

MY NIPPLES EXPLODE WITH DELIGHT!

[onewholaughsatfools]

102. now that was funny!

[Richard Steele]

136. Latest development: For a composite image of the unknown assailant...

[Buzz Clik]

139. I KNEW it was a pogo stick. But Enoch Powell? I'm shocked.

[Richard Steele]

140. Well, he made one fatal mistake:

What with having polio -AND- being dead, his alibi
was just a little TOO perfect, don't ya think?

[Buzz Clik]

141. And we seem to be lacking a body ...err .. victim. No sign of the Lobster Martini for more than 24 h

[Richard Steele]

150. He just showed up- posted in the "Where will Rove go now?" poll.

No doubt, further details of this museum incident
will soon be forthcoming! :eyes:

[Justpat]

7. Try the Addiction/Recovery forum

[iverglas]

83. it is just so wrong

to mock addicts/alcoholics, isn't it??

Of course, to mock a person who in all likelihood is not an addict/alcoholic by addressing him/her as if s/he were ... well, seems to me that's just wrong too. By anybody's standards. Well, except by the standards of members of the 12-step cult, it seems.

I mean, speaking as one who has had it done to her ... at a meeting of the 12-step cult ...

[Heidi]

9. Bummer.

Recommended.

:kick:

[bananas]

10. Sorry to hear this - have some hugs

Gentle hugs - when you're bruised, hugs can hurt.
:hug: :hug: :grouphug:

[Canuckistanian]

11. CALL YOUR CONGRESSMAN!

RIGHT F*ING NOW!!

[SidDithers]

54. Still, one of the funniest post ever made at DU...nt

:hi:

Sid

[Canuckistanian]

58. Will Pitt used to do that all the time

I'm just carrying on the tradition.

[Tyler Durden]

128. No he didn't! It's MY post.

So I might as well get credit for it.

[Canuckistanian]

130. Oh, very well, then

I'll credit Tyler Durden every time it's used.

But I want the finder's fee.

[Tyler Durden]

138. Take it out of my commission...

We'll call it even.

[LTR]

142. I am the son of God...

...ask me anything.

:evilgrin:

Just don't ask me about Oswald the mixed animal.

[jimshoes]

15. I woke up like that once

Hated it. Wasn't at a museum though.

[many a good man]

19. Could only happen in bush's America

Glad you got out of there before the cockroaches swarmed in.

[rug]

20. I don't even know you but now I want to kick the crap out of you.

[Bluebear]

21. ...

:spray:

[hang a left]

31. DUZY Nom. nt

[live love laugh]

72. Bwahaaaaaahaaaaa. You are VERY wrong for that. nt

:rofl:

[Richard Steele]

107. I'm DUing a community service by KICKing the hell out of this empty thread for no apparent reason.

[Richard Steele]

22. Are you sure you didn't just fall out of the car during a drive-by?

[lpbk2713]

23. Thanks for keeping us advised .....

[Th1onein]

27. ROFLMAO!

That bunny is GREAT!

[youthere]

155. ...

:spray: :rofl:

Oh that is hilarious!

[NeedleCast]

24. Did you just call me fat?

n/t

[tabasco]

25. I hate when that happens. n/t

[marions ghost]

26. there's no there there either

is this Artist Hell?

[moondust]

28. Did you confess?

[Pirate Smile]

29. Huh?

[AlCzervik]

30. community service at a closed art museum? hmm, maybe your ass beating was

part of some live action art piece and no one told you.

[Richard Steele]

41. See? Defunding the NEA is hurting real people!

:rofl:

[gollygee]

32. So many questions

so you were doing community service at an art museum with no people? If nobody was there, who beat you up? I don't get it.

[DemocratSinceBirth]

53. Him

.html?hint=group

[stevedeshazer]

33. Best damn thread all week

It's only Sunday morning, too.

Proud to K & R

[Obamarama]

34. Maybe the church lady at the "cancel a ticket" traffic school kicked his ass....

Follow link to another seemingly unintelligble mystery post: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1570720

[Richard Steele]

35. Ok, who are the wise-elbows recommending this thread? Other than ME, I mean?

[HamdenRice]

36. Your mistake was not charging the batteries. That's what actually caused the ass kicking. nt

[MLFerrell]

37. What the hell are you talking about?

Or is this just some idiotic dadaist post?

:shrug:

[dalaigh lllama]

38. I have to recommend this thread

because... because...because...

the sun spit morning.

(Actually, hope you're doing better and will enlighten us at some point.)

[yardwork]

40. No I don't know what time it is!

[HamdenRice]

42. No soap. Radio! nt

[Az]

81. And that's when the second bear hit him. n/t

[Lex]

44. Maybe the beating was a performance piece?

:shrug:

[AlCzervik]

47. that was also my guess. Great minds you know.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=389&topic_id=1570096&mesg_id=1570927

:hi:

[Richard Steele]

65. If this was a poll, your guess would have my vote! nm

[Richard Steele]

48. Odd- I feel the urge to kick this thread for no particular reason! nm

[BrotherBuzz]

50. I had a dream that I was awake and I woke up to find myself asleep

[DemocratSinceBirth]

51. Is This You

.html?hint=group

BAWAWAWAWAWAWAWAWA

[Corgigal]

52. might want to call one of those ghost hunters

shows. I understand they will come to the location for free.

[supernova]

55. Will Pitt is that you?

Most bizarre post of the weekend for sure. :D

[Richard Steele]

158. No, he specifically said "for no reason".

:evilgrin:

[uppityperson]

56. Maybe you should have first thoughts like "I hope I see a fuzzy kitty today" instead.

might put a whole different slant on the day.

[SoCalDem]

57. Did you break the dinosaur again?

[Elidor]

59. Colonel Mustard. In the Study. With the pipe wrench.

I defy anyone to prove me wrong.

[Madspirit]

63. Miss Scarlet in the Library with a knife...n/t

[karlrschneider]

60. See, that's what happens when you leave your parachute at home.

:silly:

[MODemocrat]

61. Lobster, how many martinis had you had

I cannot even imagine what you are trying to say on DU.:+ :+ :shrug:

[Madspirit]

62. Was It Those Terrifying Space Monkeys?

What the hell are you talking about?

Why were you doing community service?

Why was no one there?

Why was there no art in the art museum?

How does an art museum look magnificent if there is no art in it?

Who beat you up?

Why did they beat you up?

Who the hell are you?

Why did you do a drive-by post and run?

Lee

[sagesnow]

98. Was it something you wore to the event or...

was it bigger than a breadbox?

[The Straight Story]

64. Maybe you had one too many Lobster Martini's and it wasn't an art museum....

[Liberal Veteran]

66. Perhaps you should go to a hospital that has no doctors?

:shrug:

[AlCzervik]

67. LM i have to tell you this is one of my all time favorite threads.

[ContraBass Black]

69. Happens all the time.

You'll get used to it.

[Drum]

70. Art is not passive.

Art can be provocative, even confrontational.

Do not turn your back on Art.

:nopity:

[Madspirit]

71. So you're saying that Art cannot be trusted?

**Drum..."Do not turn your back on Art."**

Art will stab you in the back?

Lee

[Drum]

75. No,

just that Art requires interaction with the viewer...it's participatory.

And as a person in the arts, I want people to experience that...the difference between art as decor and art as expression/message.

And, in the ridiculous tone of this thread, I was just kinda trying to sound ominous ;)

[GaYellowDawg]

111. Or...

**Drum..."Do not turn your back on Art."**

Art will kick you in the ass?

[Richard Steele]

88. In Soviet Union, art hangs YOU! nm

[Drum]

91. lol!

:D

[Richard Steele]

106. Ceci n'est pas une pipe de fente:

..
This is not a crack pipe

[merh]

73. not trying to belittle your problem

just trying to understand

did the art thieves get pissed at you because there was no art to be found at the museum you worked at as part of your community service and did they kick your ass out of frustration?

and have you gone to the ER, a concussion is truly a concern given the assault and your post.

good luck to you

[midnight]

74. So sorry to hear about your horrible experience. What type of

community service were you doing? What community would close an art museum?

[deutsey]

76. Woke up in the salad bar at Ruby Tuesday's after wolverines inexplicably attacked me

I have gnaw marks on my arms and legs with salad dressing in my hair and I don't even want to talk about where those little carrots somehow ended up.

[ProdigalJunkMail]

77. this evening...my wife and I were dining

in a restaurant that had no food. Strange thing that we had plates and knives...but no forks. It doesn't matter though since the food was so tasty. I am not sure why we keep going there...no one ever serves us...I think it's 'cause we're white and have a little money.

Tonight, when we were done, doggy bags were filled to take home to the cat. I am not sure that she likes the food from there as there rarely is any but she woofs it down.

sP

[Vinnie From Indy]

78. The first rule of Empty, Closed, Magnificent Art Museum Fight Club is

NEVER to talk about Empty, Closed, Magnificent Art Museum Fight Club.

Rule two: Charge your camera batteries beforehand

[motocicleta]

82. Now that's funny.

[banjosareunderrated]

93. ROFL! n/t

[tandot]

79. Lobster Martini or hallucinogenic mushrooms?

I guess you a tad too much of the latter :shrug:

[proReality]

80. Designed to make RWers heads explode. K&R n/t

[motocicleta]

84. Lobster Martini, Lobster Martini

come in Lobster Martini ... we've had a report that your plane was last seen in this area ... if you can not speak, just blink your eyes twice or start a fire to make smoke signals with ... cancel that last message, I repeat, cancel that, do not start a fire, just blink your eyes twice ...

[tomreedtoon]

85. After 717 posts. Lobster Martini doesn't even monitor this one?

Maybe his fingers fell off after typing that one post.

[AlCzervik]

86. passed out after viewing bad art.

[Richard Steele]

87. He didn't think, "I should charge my laptop cuz my post is gonna get the hell KICKED outta it today"

Kick! :evilgrin:

[sce56]

89. Went and looked at the Martini Journal and found this gem Must be the place he was mugged at

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3364767
Lobster Martini (717 posts) Journal Click to send private message to this author Click to view this author's profile Click to add this author to your buddy list Click to add this author to your Ignore list Mon Jul-09-07 04:01 AM
Original message
This is embarrassing--PA slots parlors stay open while museums and other state services shut down...

Edited on Mon Jul-09-07 04:09 AM by Lobster Martini
Among the government services still operating: state police, prisons, healthcare for the poor...and slots parlors?

Wouldn't it be cool if state-run museums and historic sites were considered essential and slots parlors weren't?

[uppityperson]

104. Martini Journal is quite fun.

The "Singing Senators" are responsible for my blindness...

Edited on Thu Jun-14-07 05:58 AM by Lobster Martini
After hearing them once, my ears jumped off my head and ran, leaving me unable to wear glasses. I think my ears are hiding under the sofa, but obviously I cannot see them.

[sagesnow]

90. Hopefully I will Rapture before

we all Fry! Does ketchup go well with the end?

[treestar]

92. Why do you hate America?

:spray:

[Midlodemocrat]

94. Closed art musuem? You sure you didn't get the crap beat out of you for breaking and entering?

Just a hunch.

[otherlander]

95. ...

:rofl:
Goddamn it this entire thread has me laughing so much that i started choking and people are asking if everything is all right. Gah. :)

[Warren DeMontague]

148. Maybe that was the Community Service-- Breaking and Entering.

The cops are bored. Go give 'em something to do!

[Danger Mouse]

97. Wait, what?

I don't understand.

[Beam Me Up]

99. Apparently this thread is an opportunity to prove

your signature all too true.

[dalaigh lllama]

101. Whoa!

"There is no fate that cannot be surmounted by scorn." -- Albert Camus

You know, I've been laughing at this thread all day. I hope Lobster Martini can use some good laugh therapy if/when he comes back to see if anyone responded to his post.

[Swede]

100. Does anyone hear?

:shrug:

[onewholaughsatfools]

103. you too could be president!

[LeahD]

105. Who's on First? Sorry, I have short attention span. n/t

[neuvocat]

108. Perhaps it was an exhibit about random violence.

[Richard Steele]

109. If it wasn't, then at least this thread is picking up the slack. nm

[nosmokes]

110. Obviously a surreal solo performance art piece.

These nutty kids today.

[blogslut]

112. Hope you're okay

Please let us know.

[EV_Ares]

113. The mind can be a very powerful & strange thing, eom.

[riona]

114. Just checking in

to see if this thing has been resolved.

[PurpleChez]

115. The museum was built in a post-apocalyptic nuclear wasteland

and I Buy One Get One Free so naturally To Each His Own. I probably shouldn't have drunk all that cough medicine. It's not just the hallucinations...delusions of clever....only antidote it to get the shit beat out of you in an abandoned urban renewal project.

WTF?

[Cessna Invesco Palin]

116. Johnny song that an strange note think it white amusing.

They're metallic candy light. Buy with head handy annoying. Many perfidy. Ever you to healthy generic. Looks your holiday capsule. You're living what fireplace festivals.

[EstimatedProphet]

117. Uh...

[HughBeaumont]

118. So how did the cellist make it out alive?

ANSWER ME THAT!

[blue neen]

119. Dang, I thought I had finished reading "The DaVinci Code",

only to discover that the saga continues right here on DU!

[noamnety]

120. a clue?

"This is embarrassing--PA slots parlors stay open while museums and other state services shut down..."

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=132&topic_id=3364767

???

[YOY]

121. I believe you and know you're not guilty, was it...the one-armed -man???

[jobycom]

122. I think we have failed to give enough thought to the significance of the pickle.

:shrug:

[LBWBlue]

125. The significance of the pickle?

Colonel Mustard in the Conservatory with a pickle.

[jobycom]

129. Ahhh....

The critical part begins around the 1:30 mark.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g266Uwp6ZnI

[Bushwick Bill]

123. My mind's playin' tricks on me.

so we triple teamed on him,
droppin them mutha fuckin bees on him,
the more i swung the more blood flew
then he disappeared an my boys disappeared too,
then i felt just like a fiend,
it wasnt even close to halloween,
it was dark as fuck on tha streets,
my hands were all bloody, from punchin on tha concrete,
goddam homie,
my mind is playin tricks on me
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nnRS-3AyGUs

[Conscious Confucius]

124. Maybe he argued with Maurice the Doorman about $10 for a throw.

$20 for the whole night.

[OPERATIONMINDCRIME]

126. Phew! The Art Museum Looks Magnificent. Thank God! Ya Had Me Worried For A Second There.

I'm glad to hear it's ok.

[Connie_Corleone]

127. Next time, trap the entity by freezing it.

That way, the entity won't beat the crap out of you again.

[NuttyFluffers]

131. i also hate it when i get stampeded by a traveling Calder exhibition...

but it's the stabiles that really kick your ass. mean mofos...

[spindoctor]

132. Wha-oh...here comes a flock of wanh-wanhs!

[edhopper]

133. The pool of water

was a block of ice that the deceased stood on to hang himself.
Either that or the doctor was a woman and the boy's Mother.
I also think the color of the bear was white.

[Ms. Clio]

134. what a funny damned thread -- thank you, o mysterious shellfish cocktail

[SaveAmerica]

161. Can't you tell us what's going to happen with Lobster Martini?

[Ms. Clio]

164. I don't think even Lobster Martini knows what is going to happen with him/her/it

I surely don't.

:silly:

[Connie_Corleone]

135. It rubs the lotion on its skin, or else it gets the hose again.

[stirlingsliver]

137. I'm Sorry To Hear This

I heard about this incident on the local news.

Was that you that was attacked?

They said that the victim appeared to have a red shell and claws.

I didn't understand what the reporter meant until now.

I hope you recover from your injuries.

[That Is Quite Enough]

143. This thread's weird, random, awesome *and* funny. Thank you, Lobster Martini!

[mountainvue]

160. One of the funniest DU threads

ever. Thank you LM. I needed that.

[Gruenemann]

144. I KNOW WHO BEAT YOU UP!

It was the Clenis!

[Warren DeMontague]

145. Are you sure it wasn't just a post-modernist performance art piece?

See, here we are making a statement about the violence of modern society.

[trumad]

147. One of the most peculiar posts evah at DU.

[H2O Man]

151. A leg-puller n/t

[MrCoffee]

149. kyckyng yt for the mystery, yo.

[Canuckistanian]

152. Link?

[uppityperson]

153. kick

[Poiuyt]

156. What is the frequency, Kenneth?

[A HERETIC I AM]

157. EUREKA! I'VE GOT IT! I have this figured out!!!

See, it's like this...the guy was at an .....

no..


OK...He was all excited and he......

nope...

Either way, here's a pic of a Wombat crossing a road


Wait a sec.....does that Wombat look guilty?

[Richard Steele]

159. I was doing community service at a closed internet cafe; it had no computers, and this got KICKed.

[SaveAmerica]

162. I found Art, and some people, hope this helps...

[Stinky The Clown]

163. This thread deserves a DUzey

One nonsensical, nonsequetorial OP, a bazillion responses, and not a **single** reply from the OP.

The only thing that would make this even funnier would have been a deleted message from a flame war ... or even better, a whole deleted thread.

[Swede]

165. I understand.

No doubt the world is unfolding,as it should.