An open letter to Mitt Romney

[Taverner]

Dear Mitt-

I see you interview after interview, defending your faith, something that a candidate shouldn't have to do in the United States of America. But there you are, fending off attacks from Evangelical and Catholic purists - trying to defend something that you probably don't have much of a stake in. Not to say your Mormon ties don't run deep, but you seem to be the kind of guy who really doesn't care whether it's a trinity or a God-head.

So I keep asking myself this: why is this man running as a Republican? You have a record as the Governor of Massachusetts that would make any Conservative Democrat proud, you were pro-choice and you were pro-gay marriage. You lowered deficit spending (which is much more of a Democrat issue than a Republican one - times change!) and you built some cool things. Every good Governor needs to build some cool things, but that's not what this is about.

Thing is, if you were running as a Democrat, we wouldn't ask whether you were Mormon, Catholic, Atheist or Muslim. We're a results party, and we judge people by their actions, not beliefs. Huey Long was a grade A asshole, but he did some great things. Same with LBJ - and from what I hear Jimmy Carter isn't the most fun guy to hang around. But we're not about being your beer buddies - we're about doing what needs to be done.

Hell, the Senate Majority Leader, Harry Reid, is a Mormon. A devout one at that, but we like him because he speaks softly and carries a big stick. Sound familiar?

So while you spend debate after debate, interview after interview, answering whether you think Joseph Smith was a positive role model or not - why not cut the BS and just switch parties? We promise we won't ask anything about your Mormonism if you promise to keep it and any other religion out of Government. Deal?

Not to say you'd have an easy ride - in fact you probably wouldn't have a snowballs chance in the outer darkness. We're looking for three things this year: (1) An end to Iraq, (2) Health Care and (3) restoration of Democracy. Three things you probably aren't too hip on. But hey - neither was Joe Lieberman! And he ran, and was even the VP nominee! And his religion didn't matter to us - that is, until he started pushing it on everyone. And that's where we started getting upset.

I know you're not happy defending something the accusers probably know nothing about - how do you think we atheists feel when they tell us we believe in nothing? So come over, hang with Dennis Kucinich. He was once pro-life and switched to pro-choice. Maybe he can show you how to switch back. Hang out with Hillary, our next president - and you and her can swap stories about Boston since both of you guys spent some time there. And don't mind Joe Biden, he won't bite. He just barks a lot. But deep down, he's good people. He's also got a son in Iraq - something you might take a cue from (if you believe in this war so much, talk one of your kids into signing up! That is, if you think it's really worth it...)

Sincerely,

Taverner

P.S. You should also read some history books. It was Evangelical Christians that lynched your prophet, Joseph Smith. It was Evangelical Christians who drove your ancestors out of Nauvoo, IL - right before you built the temple - into the desert of Utah. And even after they drove you out, they STILL continued harassing you. So why do you want to make nice with these people?

[valerief]

1. To answer your last question: MORe MONey. nt