10 reasons why gay marriage is wrong

[BushOut06]

I saw this posted somewhere else, felt it was worth sharing.

10 REASONS WHY GAY MARRIAGE IS WRONG

1. Being gay is not natural. And as you know Americans have always rejected unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning.

2. Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.

3. Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because, as you know, a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.

4. Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.

5. Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed. The sanctity of Britney Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.

6. Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren't full yet, and the world needs more children.

7. Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.

8. Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America.

9. Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.

10. Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven't adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans.

[Zhade]

1. Why do you find it worth sharing?

These lies are not new to us.

[Redstone]

5. Uh, I think the OP is being sarcastic. You think so, maybe? Just possible?

Redstone

[BushOut06]

6. Are you serious?

Familiar with the concept of satire? I would think that anyone with half a brain could see that what I posted pretty much takes every anti-gay marriage argument and rips it to shreds.

[Katherine Brengle]

7. Did you even read it? It's clearly satirical, and not subtle at all.

:wtf:

:eyes:

[salinen]

8. Take my wife

please

[Karenina]

24. LOL!! Now THIS one had me doubled over. A blast from the past...

yurbud Donating member (1000+ posts) Sat Apr-23-05 06:50 PM
Response to Original message
15. The real reason men oppose gay marriage


By Les Veeryl


Legalizing gay marriage will undermine marriage and family for one simple reason: most men find it extremely difficult remaining heterosexual.

Only cultural pressure forces us to seek the company of women and competition with other men drives us to find the most attractive women, just as it drives us to buy the biggest SUV.

This is also why once we have gone to all the trouble seduce a woman, our sexual encounters are so brutal, brief, and disappointing for the woman. As much as we try not to think about it, it’s just not a man.

Most women become unconsciously aware of this over the course of their marriage, which is why they cut their hair progressively shorter and cultivate the physique of John Madden, hoping the resemblance will catch our eye and rekindle our original feigned passion.

The cultural norm of heterosexuality forces us to channel our desires into sports, so we have the excuse to touch each other in violence that society would not allow in love. As we grow older, this pattern continues with male exclusive outings like golf, hunting, and fishing. Wealthy men feel less of a necessity to preserve the façade of woman lovers and have male only clubs, where than can merrily chat naked in steam rooms and smoke cigars.

It is torture enough to be forced by our wives to watch Will & Grace and Queer Eye for the Straight Guy and see the care-free life of abandoning society’s blind devotion to procreation. I have to remind myself that it’s just a TV show, that there aren’t really people like that in the world.

But what if men were allowed to marry?

That could be enough to push many of us over the edge.

If I knew society would tolerate my true orientation, what would stop me from telling that blonde guy at the club that he looks good in the shower, and then asking him out for more than a beer? And unlike a woman, who requires months of pleading and showering with gifts before sex, another man would gladly give it up in the parking lot on the way to get the beer.

What would make my son, a handsome running back who just started shaving his chest, strive to achieve at school and establish a career if he knew instead he could simply find an older sugar daddy to marry who will shower him with gifts and pedicures?

President Bush has proposed banning gay marriage not out of ignorance prejudice or spite, but personal necessity. On a trip to Canada a while back, he said to the Prime Minister’s press secretary:

Well, you got a pretty face. You got a pretty face. You're a good-looking guy. Better looking than my Scott anyway.Text


More recently, he actually had a gay prostitute pretend to be a reporter in White House press conferences as some sort of role-playing fetish.

If even our president can barely restrain his homosexual impulses, isn’t obvious that a constitutional amendment banning marriage is all that stands between us and a fashion-conscious, color-coordinated, poodle-walking Armageddon?

[smoogatz]

9. Irony, dude/dudette.

Not just for breakfast anymore.

[Canuckistanian]

15. Satire

Satire (lat. medley, dish of colourful fruits) is a technique used in drama, fiction, journalism, and occasionally in poetry, the graphic arts, the performing arts and other media. Although satire is usually witty, and often very funny, the purpose of satire is not primarily humour but criticism of an event, an individual or a group in a clever manner.

[msongs]

2. snickier snicker nt

[mitchtv]

3. Rule 11:

Mary Cheney is exempt, even in VA.

[Redstone]

4. And why should gay folks get preferential treatment? If we're going to be fair, they should

have the opportunity to suffer through a divorce, just like the rest of us.

Redstone

[smoogatz]

10. As Mae West said--

marriage is a fine institution--but who wants to live in an institution?

[Redstone]

19. Indeed. Damn, I like your screen name, in case I haven't told you before.

Redstone

[Kixel]

11. A question I always ask

"Will gay folks be less gay if they can't marry?" It usually stumps those who think it will have a devastating effect on our culture.

[tuvor]

12. Credit where due: Gator Gay-Straight Alliance

(There are actually 12 reasons):

GatorGSA continued its tradition of clever, irreverent, edit: and SARCASTIC flyers on Valentine's Day 2004 with a dirty dozen reasons why homosexual marriage is "bad" and why gay people should not be allowed to get married. After 2 months, we have just reached 100,000 hits!
http://grove.ufl.edu/~ggsa/gaymarriage.html

Please link to this page and give GatorGSA proper credit when making a reference to this list, and if you're going to print it, why not go for the PDF? It's free to redistribute, of course - it's too funny not to! http://grove.ufl.edu/~ggsa/pdf_docs/gaymarriage.pdf

(The PDF has looked great on my fridge for the past couple of years.)

[LynzM]

16. Thanks for the links!

I had posted this sometime last year but didn't have a source for it...

[tuvor]

20. More than welcome, you are. The original URL expired.

"12reasons.com" was nice and easy to remember. Now I have to google whenever I need to reference this most excellent satire.

[BushOut06]

23. Thanks

I can't edit the OP anymore, or I'd put that link there. Always good to see the original source!

[tuvor]

25. Thanks for putting it up.

Right around Valentine's Day, too, just like the original!

[and-justice-for-all]

13. It took me a couple of minutes, but I caught up...

I even started a reactionary replie, which I did not post obviously...LOL.

[smoogatz]

14. Straight people suck at marriage. We fail at it nearly 60% of the time.

Time to give somebody else a chance, for chrissakes.

[Karenina]

27. I always thought the saying went...

Misery loves company! :evilgrin:

[northofdenali]

17. Tee. Hee. Giggle, snort.....

Good one! K&R'd, and I've kept a copy to send to all of my very smartass friends!!

:P BushOut06 - you get a :hug: for this one!

I haven't seen this one before - it's a keeper. Thanks for the post!

:hi: Redstone

[Tatiana]

18. Gay marriages will probably last longer than the straight ones. n/t

[Laurier]

21. Nicely done. Love it.

:)

[cssmall]

22. Even though it's satire, I want to respond to number 10.

In South Carolina, right before the Civil War, religious leaders and politicians made it a point to relate slavery to marriage. Thereby, an abolitionist attack on the institution of slavery would quickly be shown to be an attempt on the sanctity of marriage. The gist of the idea is this: "the man is lord and master of his estate (thereby his home, land, property, wife, children and slaves); therefore, should his slaves be taken from him, he would not be able to be a good lord and master." Sorry, I just find it oddly humorous to note the myriad of ways the argument of heterosexual marriage has been throughout the years here in the grand ole US of A.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

26. funny.

:)

[Mad_Dem_X]

28. Excellent! n/t