Worshipping In Your Birthday Suit: "Naked Before God"

[DeSwiss]

Naked Before God
Christian nudists hit the church—and the hot tub—for three days of wet and wild worship in the backwoods of Tennessee

Nashville Scene
August 2, 2007
by Elizabeth Ulrich


Photos by Eric England

It’s unusually cool for a June evening at the Cherokee Lodge, and the nudists have finally covered up. They sit at round plastic tables under the pavilion’s tin roof, drinking $3 cans of Miller High Life and watching a 60-something in a teal thong shake her deep-dimpled ass to some Top 40 song. Every once in a while, she spins to reveal quick snapshots of her nipples peaking out of a fishnet top that sparkles under the disco ball and Technicolor spotlights. Soon the sweaty DJ spins the “Electric Boogie” as a herd of middle-aged and elderly bodies, sagging in painful ways, begin to move mechanically to the electric slide on the dance floor. Some of the more practical women wear blouses and sweaters with no panties, others wear tube tops that they wriggle down and over their breasts, which sway freely to the beat.

The men, some donning only cowboy hats and dingy pearl-snap shirts, terrycloth robes or nothing at all, rock their hips—and subsequently, their dangling genitals—with complete abandon. They all shimmy from side to side, tilting forward and snapping their fingers in the most bizarre display of jiggly, full-frontal nudity. When a slow country song wafts through the night air, most of the 40 or so nudists couple off. Rick, a financial analyst from Kingsport, Tenn., who asked that we only use his first name, seems to be the only eligible bachelor at the nudist resort’s Saturday-night dance. He and I sit alone, swilling overpriced beer and talking about his divorce, the days of disco and how he’s usually not very social at these things.

Rick’s wearing a “Watch Out!! I’m Here to Raze Hell” T-shirt, which covers a boyish upper body with no tan lines. He’s managed to avoid the round belly and love handles common among the midlife nudist set. You might not notice him at a bar in the city, but here, at a party in the thicket of the Cumberland Plateau nearly two hours east of Nashville, Rick’s a silver fox.

A few women do, in fact, ask him to dance—an older, 5-foot-tall woman almost as round as she is tall drags him onto the cement dance floor for a Shania Twain song. And the leggy brunette bartender who mans the beat-up beer fridge in the corner gets Rick smiling big toothy grins as they dance to a disco beat. She’s sporting nipple rings so elaborately coiled around her small breasts that you can’t help but stare. Neither woman is looking for any action, but Rick doesn’t care. He’s here for Jesus.

Read more: http://www.nashvillescene.com/Stories/Cover_Story/2007/08/02/Naked_Before_God/

*** - Okay, let me just say here and now that although I do live in Tennessee, I Do Not Know Any Of These People! For me the idea of religion is problematic enough without having to wonder at the prospect of a supreme being who'd sanction a 60 year-old woman to openly wear a thong, or a naked 50-something "silver-fox" (with or without love-handles), dancing to a Shania Twain tune, while simultaneously "looking for Jesus." The very idea of it conjures up nightmare-enducing visions. I'll be up tonight I can see that....


Bible Study Kevin Moore and his wife,
Myra, talk scripture at Saturday morning
convocation.


Guitars for God Lonnie Kimble, a CNC
newbie, provided all of the music for
the weekend’s worship.


Soul Man Boyd Allen, the group’s fearless
leader, takes to the pulpit at the Little
Church in the Wildwood.


Not a Baptismal Dip Rick, the convocation’s
resident single, and fellow nude worshiper
John Anderson thank God that this Eden’s
got a pool.

- Seen enough? Well, all I have left to say is: if God had known his creation would result in these "Adams and Eves" I'm sure he would have deleted His plans on the heavenly computer, rebooted and started all over. Or maybe He would've just stuck with the dinosaurs. They're not as cuddly, but they don't wear thongs either...

on edit: spelling

[zabet]

1. Aieeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!

My eyes! :wow:

[Hydra]

2. ROFL

You know, after a day like today, I needed that laugh!

:rofl:

The things that clothes cover up...:scared:

[emilyg]

3. Still laughing. Good time to go to bed.

[liberalmuse]

4. I thought god had x-ray vision...

But good going, guys. You've figured out a way to get nekkid without being labeled a hippie liberal.

[DeSwiss]

12. I'm not so sure...

...I mean it looks like to me that the Rev. and Mrs. "Naked" Boyd are wearing Birkenstocks in that first pic. They gotta be hippies at heart.....

[Adsos Letter]

5. I've been thinkin' long and hard about something to say about this....

...still thinkin'... (takes long sip of beer, strokes beard)...

[beam me up scottie]

6. I live near Tennessee but unlike you, I would love to meet these folks.

After they put some clothes on first, of course.

Seriously, these believers are pretty fucking cool compared to the angry self-righteous fundie types I'm used to. They are always fully clothed at all times and that includes the obligatory stick up their...well you know.


:rofl: leave it to DeSwiss to find this gem!

[DeSwiss]

8. I suppose you make a good point....

...but, after having already SEEN them naked, I don't think I could expunge the vision that has been forever burned into my cerebral cortex. And now those images are taking up valuable space in my brain. Limited space I might add.

In fact, while I like reading the Nashville Scene occasionally, now I'll think twice before clicking....

[KT2000]

7. Natural Bible Hour

used to show on the cable access channel in Olympia, WA
I never had the "pleasure" of seeing it but my sister saw it and was really grossed out.
The guy sat on a chair and read from the Bible on his lap.
Ewwwwwwwwwwww!!!!

[DeSwiss]

9. In his NAKED lap!?!?!?!

I know that's got to be some kind of sin. And if its not, they need to revised the book...

[KT2000]

11. In his bare NAKED lap!

As I understand it - He was no body builder either :scared:

[TankLV]

10. MY EYES! MY EYES!

Ewwwwwe....

[DeSwiss]

13. I know, I know....

....I should have posted a warning. Next time I'll put:

WARNING THIS THREAD CONTAINS PICTURES OF PARTIALLY NUDE AMERICANS.
NONE OF WHOM WOULD BE REMOTELY CONSIDERED FOR PUBLICATION IN A SEUXALLY ORIENTED MAGAZINE. CONTINUE AT YOUR OWN RISK!!!

[Sanctified]

14. Looks like a normal day at Bagby, Oregon to me.

Of course it's a bunch of old naked hippies smoking dope at a hot spring but who cares if people like to spend their recreation time in the buff.

[DeSwiss]

18. Well I happen to agree with you....

...except -- They didn't have to publish the PICTURES did they??? I can imagine the little child (girl?/boy?) on the playground at school being teased relentlessly with pictures of the parents. Some articles are better with just words.....

:wow:

[Sanctified]

26. The child will grow up well adhjusted, I doubt anyone of her friends

on the playground are at the age that they search the internet for news articles so she is quite safe.

[DeSwiss]

31. You seem to have more faith in internet filters....

...than I do. Kids who might've heard about this, would have no trouble accessing the Nashville Scene magazine I wouldn't think. But I take your point. I'm not a prude, nor do I find it offense that people want to be naked. I like it myself. But I wouldn't pose for the Nashville Scene. There would be too many allusions burst if I did something like that. :D

I suppose that if we all walked around naked we'd get used to anything. But in Tennessee, chiggers and ticks are a BIG problem one has to deal with everyday in the summer months. Of course I suppose if you're naked, they have no where to hide either....

[Sanctified]

34. I will be the first to admit that I used to be a prude

but after having children and attending areas where people frequently go nude it became a none issue for me. If this article would have come out 5 years ago I would have been all, "hell no" but currently I take my family camping once a month to an area where people do go nude and they are mostly older people.

[knight_of_the_star]

20. There's nothing wrong with it in principle

But these pictures reinforce my long-standing belief that lifeguards should have the power to eject people from the pool or beach on the grounds they should not be seen in public in a bathing suit.

[Sanctified]

24. I find you comment quite American.

Judging the appearance of an individual by magazine standards only reinforces the reason why we have teen girls and boys starving themselves to be attractive to people like you.

[knight_of_the_star]

27. Wow you're painting with a broad brush there

I more had in mind morbidly obese people wearing things like thongs and string bikinis, not people who have a little gut or love handles or something like that as you are most likely assuming by your post.

Thanks for the stereotyping though, I guess you just proved you are what you accuse me of being.

[Sanctified]

28. WTF is Morbidly Obese and who decides what that is...

Sorry I do not consider anyone who has the ability to put on a thong or string bikini and walk onto a beach morbidly obese.

[knight_of_the_star]

40. I guess you haven't done Jr. Guards then

Cause trust me I saw PLENTY of people who were nearly as wide as they were tall wearing speedoes and bikinis that would look tiny on a supermodel.

[lynnertic]

37. oh please

they starve themselves to be attractive to each other, not some grownup

[Lisa]

15. let's hope that the pews are well-sanded and don't have splinters! (n/t)

[DeSwiss]

16. Ewwwwwww.....

....and REGULARLY CLEANED!!!

:rofl:

[Lisa]

23. imagine if they'd been varnished -- after a hot, humid day ...

... the congregation would be sticking to their seats.

[DeSwiss]

30. Thank you for that mental image....

...NOT!

[knight_of_the_star]

17. You know how the Bible says Jehovah made humans in his image?

I guess this is proof that he has a sense of humor.

[DeSwiss]

19. Funny....

...but I never thought that God had breasts that large.

[knight_of_the_star]

21. Sort of like the whole thing about a stone so heavy he can't lift it

Is there a bust line so big that an omnipotent god can't create it?

[lvx35]

29. Oh hell yeah, quite a sense of humor: Gen 3:11:

(on finding Adam and eve clothing themselves with leaves)

"Who told thee that thou wast naked?" -God

[DeSwiss]

32. We're Naked? Oh no one told us your Worshipfullness....

...we just like the feel of fresh fig leaves on our skin.

{Adam overheard whispering to Eve: "Do you think He bought it?"}

[lvx35]

35. hee hee nt

[mcctatas]

22. "Ummm folks...

when I said Naked before God, I meant that figuratively. Some of you people really need to take a literary criticism class to find the deeper meaning in my work! That is all..."
-God

[DeSwiss]

33. This is what can happen....

...when people take the bible too literally. Everyone ends up paying a price for it.

[Raine]

25. UGH, naked just isn't a good look

for some people...PLEASE put the clothes back on! :wow: x(

[DeSwiss]

36. No shit.

And it isn't too good to have to "look" at naked sometimes either....

[TheMadMonk]

38. FFS people. Way, way, too many of these replies are symptomatic...

... of what ails America.

Human beauty = what gets one's tadger throbbing.

Human males (like the males of any species) are genetically/behviourally predisposed to find youthful (from mid menarche or so onwards) females sexually attractive, because such pairings are the most likely to produce genetically and physically healthy offspring, AND give plenty of time (years) for their care and upbringing.

And sadly, that is pretty much what America appears to have devolved to. Beauty = the twig figure of a still maturing adolescent female, no other applicants need apply.

And hence we get the "grab a handful of scalp and twist" abominations who grace Rodeo Drive.

And God forbid that anyone ever see a nipple (or OMG a penis) in America unless in a deliberately sought out sexual context by consenting adults safely away from the impressionable minds of children with all proper forms and permission signed and in triplicate.

[HughBeaumont]

39. Why is it that nudists are usually the LAST people you want to see naked?

Just sayin . . .

[knight_of_the_star]

41. That's a really good question

Any ideas people?

[fortyfeetunder]

42. Hell, I can do dat too

it's called praying in my bathtub...LOL