The Onion, two years ago.. Minnesota Too Polite To Ask For Federal Funding roads/bridges

[IChing]

February 23, 2005 | Issue 41•08


ST. PAUL, MN—Although many of its highways and bridges are in severe disrepair, the traditionally undemanding state of Minnesota isn't comfortable asking for more interstate funding, sources reported Monday.

"Oh, we wouldn't want to bother the U.S. government—they've got more than enough on their plate as it is," Minnesota Gov. Tim Pawlenty said. "Most of the potholes on I-90 are less than four feet wide. We get by just fine. I wouldn't want anyone all the way over there in Washington to be worrying about little ol' us."

According to U.S. Department of Transportation records, Minnesota has not requested an increase in highway funds for 10 years, in spite of the fact that the majority of their roads are plagued by rutted or uneven surfaces, cracked pavement, potholes, and other deterioration.>>>>>snip

But U.S. Transportation Secretary Norman Mineta said Minnesota's highway system is "dangerously underfunded."

"Nearly 20 percent of Minnesota's highway lights are not working, and Highway 280 seems to be held together with equal parts concrete and prayer," Mineta said. "We tried to slip them a few dollars along with the National Bridge Inspection Standards Act, but they told us to put the money right back into our wallets, or give it to someone who could really use it, like Arizona."

>>>>snip



http://www.theonion.com/content/node/30916
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Weird......to say the least.

[Rick Myers]

1. Yikes! That is just creepy!!!

[IChing]

2. Yes, it raised the hair on my arms and gave me a chill.

Very spooky.

[malaise]

18. IChing during New York's recent infrastructural

calamity I pointed out that it would not be long before a bridge collapsed somewhere in America. The Association of Civil Engineers have stated that over 27% of all bridges need serious repairs.

Joe Scarborough just said that the government rated this bridge unsafe four years ago and gave it a four out of nine.

When the Grovers get their way and government fits into a bathtub, citizens end up in rivers.

The money being spent in Iraq and wasted on bridges to nowhere could be fixing every bridge and then some.
Let them keep on paving surfaces.

[Fierce]

3. Funny,

but unrealistic, as long as Oberstar's there.

[vireo]

4. "Minnesota nice"

Minnesota nice is the stereotypical behavior of Minnesota residents to provide hospitality and courtesy to others. The term is also sometimes used in a derogatory way, to connote a sort of smiling stubborness, forced politeness, and false humility.

Stereotypes of Minnesotans often overlap with qualities of other Midwesterners, including the perception that many are quiet and do not wish to offend others or cause a disruption. Writer Garrison Keillor played with this image in a piece written for the radio program A Prairie Home Companion called "Wobegonics", the supposed language of Minnesotans which includes "no confrontational verbs or statements of strong personal preference, you know." Sometimes area residents who move away, or otherwise come in contact with others who don't subscribe to the ideal, say that they have to shed their "Minnesota nice" in order to interact properly with others or get out of troublesome situations. The generosity of state citizens has gained respect—the heavily-reported flu vaccine shortage of fall 2004 did not strike the state as hard as elsewhere since many people willingly gave up injections for others.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Minnesota_nice

[badgerpup]

10. I remember listening to a particular Prairie Home Companion...

...where they were interviewing a woman who was in a house that was floating downriver and her husband was stuck out in the barn which was also in the flood. "Oh no, we get by..." but she WAS concerned for the interviewer and very kindly advised him on how to alleviate that annoying sore throat he was experiencing.


...and The Onion had been eerily prescient on stuff before. :yoiks:

[Up2Late]

5. Just remember, the best satire is heavily based on truth...

...and by truth I'm referring to the condition of their infrastructure there, it probably is in really bad shape and the bridge was undergoing re-construction work.

[XOKCowboy]

6. Can't ya just hear a Minnesooodan..

saying "Give the money to someone who could reeealy use it, like Arizoooona". They really are the nicest people in America! I'm not kidding!

[progressoid]

7. Ya yoo betcha.

[mzmolly]

13. Thanks. Though I've probably blown the "Minnesooooota nice" image here a few times.

:hi:

[XOKCowboy]

14. Oh I don't know about that...

What I remember best was my first trip to Minneapolis. I drove up to the upscale hotel I was working at and asked where I could unload my vanload of equipment. Usually I'm shown to a smelly loading dock to fend for myself but here the valet had all three of his guys help unload and push over 1000 lbs of gear to their ballroom! That's NEVER happened before. All the while I was blocking the front entrance of the hotel and no one got angry. The bellmen were all so friendly and almost seemed surprised that I'd offer them a tip for helping! I was stunned but I loved it. Being overtly friendly is a very good common trait. I wish more of us had it.

[mzmolly]

15. People often assume when I wave in conversation here that I am being "sarcastic"

but I'm not, I'm just waving. :hi:

I will say the farther North you travel into our state the friendlier it gets. And, Canada is very "chill" as well. No pun intended on the chill thing. ;)

[northernsoul]

21. You and me both

But us St. Paul folks may be a little more cantankerous than the rest.

[mzmolly]

22. LOL, true and I grew up in the city of St. Paul, so?

:P

[Nevernose]

8. Humor's rarely funny w/o some truth.

Or at least the conceivable probability of truth.

Other Onion headlines off the top of my head (paraphrasing):

"God angrily clarifies 'don't kill' rule"
We were in a lot of pain when that headline came out, and even so, the Onion helped alleviate our humor through the truth: God probably doesn't want us killing each other. The irony lay in pointing it out so obviosuly.

"Why do all these gay men keep sticking their dicks in my mouth?"
The writer then goes on to describe how he has fellated numerous people, yet still justifies his homophobia and blames gays. Ted Haggard, et al, anyway?

"Bill Gates grants self 18 charisma"
Well, Billy is a nerd, and, as such, we have to assume he's intimately familiar with the rules of AD&D (although if v4.0 is compatible with Windows Vista 2.0, I fucking quit). Or at least we can asume that many nerds are familiar with D&D. He's also known for a little bit of hubris, so the joke works out.

[HiFructosePronSyrup]

9. Onion- "Nation Needs to Repaint Crumbling Infrastructure."

Or something like that.

[Usrename]

11. Amazing,

It reminds me of that whole effort to privatize public works. I wonder if all that stuff is still going to catch on.

[mzmolly]

12. Wow. The Onion prophetic once again.

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28784

[TalkingDog]

19. The spousal unit and I have noticed that over the years.

They've got a freakin' time machine or something. And not just the big stuff like the Shrub headline, but little things like who's going to be in a movie or break up with somebody else...etc.

Spooky doods.

[The Backlash Cometh]

16. I think their bridge money went to Alaska.

[B Calm]

17. Minnesota Gov. Tim Pawlenty is a republican......

[PDittie]

20. Onion is denying access to those links now

Why would they do that? (Not conspiracy-theorizing, just curious.)

[LNM]

23. Highway 280 is still held together with concrete and prayer

Unfortunately, this is now the detour route around the collapsed bridge.