After watching some of the Larry King interview with the lady that died

[RB TexLa]

I will not allow any of my family to have to see me go through that if it happens to me. No home hospice, I'll do it at a facility where I control who can and can't see me. I'm sure it would be nice to have people who care about me around but I just could not be that selfish, no way I allow anyone to have to go through watching that happen to me.

[BleedingHeartPatriot]

1. Confusing sentiments, if one professes to love one's family.

:shrug: MKJ

[babylonsister]

2. I watched my mom go through that, and I would have been terribly

angry if she didn't allow me to. I love and loved her in any shape she was in, and was glad I could spend some time with her before she passed.

[LiberalHeart]

3. There's nothing more cruel Take it from one who's been through that.

Let me clarify: nothing more cruel that locking out loved ones at the end.

[libnnc]

4. I don't think it's selfish to want to die at home with family.

Sometimes people are scared to be alone and don't want strangers poking at them. My SIL wanted to see family and close friends. It was horrible for us, but her wishes were our command at that point. It was only fair.

[onecent]

5. When or how I pass on, I hope, will be shared with my loved ones.

There's nothing wrong with them seeing you are brave, scared, sick ... we all must cross over....Or maybe we don't cross at all.

But my family, if they wish, will certainly be with me to the end.

I don't think it's selfish to have them with me, I think it's selfish if I would deny them the wonderful goodbyes.

Here's hoping we meet up again.

[pitohui]

6. well i know i think many of us have the same thoughts but...

...it's damned if you do and damned if you don't

i like to control my own image also and when i am seriously ill i do have an animal instinct to hide away from friends and family and refuse to see them, however, is it there really to spare their feelings or to spare my vanity?

i could not do as tammy faye did and go on teevee and talk frankly about my cancer or show myself weighing 65 pounds (!), but what she did is not selfish, it took a lot of courage

your family doesn't necessarily want you to hide away and be controlling of your image and who sees you in last days, they all want to see you, even those you think will go to pieces and can't handle it

i don't think your choice is bad, i have OFTEN had the same thought, but on the other hand, you would be surprised at what your family really wants when you are seriously ill

sometimes it is less selfish to let your guard down and let someone else experience what is really happening w. you even tho it pains them

[Red_Viking]

7. One nice thing about living in Oregon...

The Death With Dignity law here. If something like that happens, you can control when and how you pass. If you choose not to waste away, you can say goodbye to the people you love and pass comfortably. That seems so much more humane to me. My grandmother died from pancreatic cancer--particularly sneaky and cruel. She suffered terribly at the end; those of you who've witnessed it know. This was in College Station, Texas, so there was no such choice for her. Shame.

May we not have to make that kind of choice.

Peace,

RV

[RB TexLa]

8. That's everyone's choice and I respect what anyone does but not for me.

[HardWorkingDem]

11. Can you proved some more information on this law?

How does the actual process work? Does a doctor administer drugs? The family?

For the life of me, I just don't understand this country when it comes to dying with dignity. I deal with death very frequently and I just don't understand how some can see it is wrong for one to rationally take their own life in the comfort of their own bed, rather than waiting for the family to leave and use some extreme measure (gun, hanging, et cetera) that ends up leaving scars with those who find them when the return and for the rest of their lives.

[dropkickpa]

13. Because it's a mortal sin, plain and simple

Our pets get more compassion and dignity, while our human loved ones are forced to suffer unbearably by the state just so they can get into heaven.

[Nite Owl]

9. I went through it with my mom

and was happy to be there for her. We all wouldn't have liked her death to happen in a cold hospital where she could have been alone. Death is part of life and being there for her allowed me to accept it better too.

[melody]

10. Some of the best moments of my life I spent with my grandmother before she died

She was gravely ill many times. I didn't care what she looked like. I just wanted
to take care of her. She was my Nanny and I loved her dearly.

[Bluerthanblue]

12. loving my Mum in the days

before she died... was by far, the closest time of our relationship. It was an opportunity for me to discover that i loved her more than i knew.- I'm so grateful for that. She was afraid, very weak an needy but the day she died she seemed to be doing better, even though we knew she wasn't going to be with us much longer.

Tammy Faye's appearance didn't really bother me- the fact that she was in constant pain was more disturbing. I was struck by how lucid she was, and how honest.

When she expressed that one of the things bothering her most about dying, was knowing that her family would be sad and miss her her love for them shined through. I'm glad she is no longer in pain, or struggling for her next breath.

It seems to me she understood that death is hardest for those who have to continue on when you are gone. That it is a process with a finite end. But -mourning,- grief is something we'll often have to cope with until we know death ourselves.

peace,
blu

[emilyg]

14. Holding my Dad at the end

would not have it any other way.

[finecraft]

15. RG- those that love you won't care what you look like

They love you for you, not the way you look. My father did not tell our family that he had been diagnosed with colon cancer. He chose not to treat his cancer, just let it take its course. My family went through years of pain after his death...not only grieving his passing, but beating ourselves up because we thought he did not trust us, or love us enough to tell us he had cancer and was going to die. I would have given anything in the world to have had more time with him. He could have looked like the most hideous thing on the planet, and know what? I would not have cared. I didn't love him because of his looks, I loved him for what was inside of him, his spirit and love. I was angry at him for many years after his death for being so selfish and not sharing his illness with anyone. Families are for sharing the bad times...as well as the good. Please do not cut your family out of your life when your time comes. Take it from one who has been there. The way you will look is the last thing anyone who loves you will think about. Give them one last chance to share their love for you...with you.

Peace, Friend

[Lone_Star_Dem]

16. I understand what you're saying

I agree.

I couldn't imagine having to put my loved ones through something like that. The thing is they're going to go through it with or without you wanting them to. That's what's so horrible about long debilitating illnesses.

The truth is perhaps even more than you would want their comfort they'd need yours. Imagine if it were a person you love dearly and they shut you out in their last days when they needed someone most. See how doing something like that could leave a person with a lifetime of regret and longing that could never be relieved?

[necso]

17. For those sensitive to it,

it must be difficult to be (just) a drain on others in this way (where this is the case, of course... and perhaps beyond).

The pain of others (especially loved ones) can sometimes, at least for some people, be harder to bear than their own.