Avoid air hassles with discreet behavior

[TechBear_Seattle]

This is a serious article that just begs for parody. If I have time this weekend.... :hi:

Avoid air hassles with discreet behavior

NEW YORK - In the past nine months, passengers have been kicked off airplanes or detained at airports for uncontrolled coughing, joking about hijacking, breast-feeding a baby, kissing and other amorous activities, cursing at flight attendants who denied them alcohol, failing to get a screaming child buckled in for takeoff, and carrying a sippy cup of water.

Whether you side with the passengers or the workers who disciplined them, one thing is for sure. It doesn't take much in the post-9/11 era to get in trouble on airplanes or in airports for behavior that might not be a big deal at a ballpark, beach or mall.

Here are some tips for getting to your destination this summer without getting scolded, grilled, detained or escorted off a plane.

The article continues at http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap_travel/20070621/ap_tr_ge/travel_brief_airplane_behavior

[deadmessengers]

1. OBEY

That's what this boils down to, really - OBEY.

[goddess40]

2. and BE AFRAID

all the crap we go through to fly is just a show, if anyone really wanted to do something they would find away. 911 wasn't an impulse they planned for a long time - another tragedy, if it were to happen, will most likely come from an employee who works for an airline or airport for a while to earn their trust and access to places we cattle, sheeple, customers don't have access to.

[deadmessengers]

8. Security Theater

Bruce Schneier wrote a positively (and typically) brilliant piece on his blog about how the security measures implemented after 9/11 aren't real security. He calls those ineffective but showy security measures "security theater".

http://www.schneier.com/blog/archives/2006/08/terrorism_secur.html

[gkhouston]

30. my husband once went through security using my passport.

He realized, just as he was showing it, that he'd grabbed the wrong passport at home. He was on the verge of saying something and taking out his driver's license when they waived him through. We don't look a thing like each other.

Yeah, that's some good security you got going there.

[MindPilot]

3. It is way more than just obey

It is government control of your actions, speech and by extension your very thoughts. This is just a taste of what the republicans would like to see applied to the entire life of each and every American. Fortunately they can only get away with it when you buy an airplane ticket.

It isn't going to happen because the majority of people have no other way to get from point a to point b, but we really should just stop flying until they knock this shit off.

[Javaman]

18. Excuse me Fraulein, do you have your papers? nt

[MindPilot]

22. Fraulein?! Why agent Mike, your wand has failed to detect my

enormous throbbing manhood.

Perhaps your search techniques should be more...umm...hands-on.

[Ezlivin]

14. You'll see the signs everywhere after you put on the sunglasses

[DFW]

4. Here's another way to get harassed

Have a paper one-way ticket issued outside of the country.

I have to travel like this all the time, and you can't imagine
the hight percentage of "special security checks" I have to go
through. But, hey any system that puts Teddy kennedy on the no-fly
list has an uphill battle at getting taken seriously in the first place.

Oh, we take the hassles seriously, alright, but not the system that causes them.

[MindPilot]

5. Simply having a one-way ticket flags you as a potential threat

I took a trip that involved a couple of one-way legs because part of the trip was by train. On each of the one-way legs, there was an "SS" printed in the bottom corner of the boarding pass. The agent who checks ID's would mark that with a highlighter and send me over to the extra inspection area where I was felt up, patted down, and wanded all around. Then an "officer" asked a bunch of rapid fire questions--some really personal--about where I was going and why.

Each time I walk away with teeth marks in my tongue because what I really wanted to do was stand up and scream "I AM AN AMERICAN CITIZEN EXERCISING MY RIGHT TO MOVE FREELY ABOUT MY COUNTRY; NOW SHUT THE FUCK UP, GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY WAY, AND LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!"

[DamnYank]

7. SS - anyone else catch the irony?

:yoiks:

[TechBear_Seattle]

10. Oh, yeah. n/t

[MiniMe]

11. Special Security?

hmmm

[MindPilot]

21. It is so obvious I felt it was unnecessary to mention it.

"SS" stands for Super Security and that is double plus goodthink, citizen! :patriot:

[madrchsod]

6. men should wear a suit and tie

women should always dress modestly ,below the knee dress or pant suit. children should be dress age appropriate and be monitored by their parents at all times.

just like this

[Javaman]

17. and all of them should be on thorazine. LOL

[yardwork]

9. A lot of these tips would get people thrown off!

They recommend bringing snacks and water for the children - ha! They recommend bringing a water bottle - ha! A woman was thrown off for breastfeeding - what was her alternative?

This is just nonsense and covers up the fact that airlines are colluding with the U.S. government to scare and bully people into being herded like animals.

[MiniMe]

12. OK, I gotta ask. Why was she kicked off for breastfeeding?

Did she have too much fluid in the breasts? Please tell me it was for another reason, like some fundie was offended that he could see her boob. As disgusting as that reason is, I can see it happening. But too much fluid in the breast would just bee much.

[Javaman]

16. She was squirting it at the other passengers...

:spray:
:rofl:

I crack me up.

[MiniMe]

20. OK Javaman, perhaps you need come cream in your coffee

:rofl:
I crack me up too.

[Javaman]

24. Someone has to it appears no one else laughs at our jokes LOL nt

[bumblebee1]

26. That's right!!!!

That woman was a milk squirting terrorist.

[Javaman]

27. Why does breast milk hate America? nt

[CreekDog]

37. Please don't joke about breast milk my God

Instead joke about bee rape, like Jerry Seinfeld did.

At least then you won't offend anyone.

[MindPilot]

23. You know the old saying...

more than three ounces is a waste.

Excuse me, ma'am, you are not permitted to bring anything larger than a B-cup aboard the aircraft.

[babydollhead]

13. I did a glass mosaic for our airport

it had to be covered in safety glass. We could only have one tool out of the locked tool box at a time. there were millions of rulesand regulations because it was at an airport, which there wouldn't have been anywhere else.

[Javaman]

15. So there I am getting on the plane...

I'm breast feeding my child while holding a sippy cup and chatting on the phone. I said to my girlfriend (on the phone) I hope there isn't a hijacking because I don't know if I can get through it without copious amounts of alcohol. I sat down with my hubby, with my child on my lap and screamed for another round of screw drivers at the dimwitted fight attendant, my hubby was acting frisky and decided to go down on me. Junior won't mind. Wouldn't you know it, during mid "dive" my hubby comes up with an uncontrollable coughing fit, which in turn causes my kid to scream insanely for the remainder of the flight.

boy I love flying....

:rofl:

[High Plains]

19. I avoid air hassles by driving.

Anything less than a 1000 miles, I'm hitting the road without a second thought.

Between 1000 and 2000, I have to think about it.

I don't need the crowding, the hurry-up-and-waiting, the surly attendents. And if I wanted to feel like I was going to prison, I'd go to prison.

[JohnyCanuck]

25. Airport boss snared by no-fly list in U.S.

Airport boss snared by no-fly list in U.S.

Steve Baker, head of the London International Airport, knows first-hand the pain Canadian flyers may now face.

On the day a new no-fly security list threatened to ground an unknown number of Canadian air travellers, Baker yesterday revealed he was on the U.S. version of that list -- which bars people from flying -- about a year ago.

"There was someone with the exact name, Steven James Baker," he said.

In fact, the first time his name popped up on the no-fly list was as he tried to fly out of his own airport to the U.S.

"I was able to travel that day. But every time I flew I had to go through the same process," said Baker, president of the London airport.

It took Baker four months of paperwork to convince U.S. authorities he wasn't the Steven James Baker on the U.S. Homeland Security list.

During those four months, because Air Canada uses the same list for all flights, Baker faced the irony of having his name pop up on his own airport's security system on his way to Ottawa for a meeting of the Canadian Air Transport Security Authority.

http://www.vivelecanada.ca/article.php/20070620070800344

Just as an FYI, the "London International Airport" referred to is in London, Ontario, Canada and not London, England.

[hedgehog]

29. which raises the question; just who the hell is Steven James Baker

and why is he on the no-fly list?

[ContraBass Black]

28. My family gets a little extra because we look and sound like terrorists, especially

My grandmother and brother.

[SoCalDem]

31. So I guess asking to sit in the co-pilot seat would be out of order?

I asked that question in July of 1976 and was invited in.. It was on a 747 flying from JFK to San Juan..

Eat your hearts out, you young 'uns :)

[GreenPartyVoter]

32. Is Jesus cuddling.. a dinosaur?!

[SoCalDem]

33. It's his son's pet... Bobby

:evilgrin:

[GreenPartyVoter]

34. Good lord, but that is one weird pic. LOL

[MindPilot]

35. somewhere in a box in the attic I still have my PanAm tin wings

Yep, they made me a six-year-old "Jr Cap'n"! :bounce:

[SoCalDem]

36. My experience was also PanAm..but I was a cute 25 yr old girlie

:)

[MindPilot]

38. Nice!! I'll spare you all the cheap-shot Airplane refernces...

Did they let you inflate the Otto-pilot?

Sorry, I couldn't stop myself...

[SoCalDem]

39. you rascal..

:P