LINGUISTS FROM PLUTO RETURN HOME, MISSION UNACCOMPLISHED

[saltpoint]

They had been summoned, this highly regarded team of linguists, from the remote outposts of the Milky Way -- the far destinations of space -- from Pluto itself, not because they got a package deal from their travel agent to see the cherry blossoms in Washington, but because their skills were urgently required: intergalactic linguists of the Most High Order, they had been asked to the American capital to decipher the remarks made by George W. Bush today at Johns Hopkins University.

Soon into their assignment, however, it became clear that not all problems lend themselves to even inestimable genius.

After several hours of trying to crack the code, they threw their hands up in despair and begged to be taken to Andrews Air Force Base, where their intergalactic craft awaited their re-boarding and return. Three of the linguists openly wept; two others asked for grocery bags to place over their heads.

The Pluto team had assembled in one of the large conference rooms of the Washington Hyatt, and by all counts were in top spirits when the session began. Yet quite early into their deliberations, it was clear the President Bush's remarks were so obtuse, so mechanically erratic, so utterly void of content, frequently deceitful, and so grammatically cubist, that even this sterling and universally acclaimed linguistic team of experts found any reasonble translation an insurmountable task.

"We have no idea in hell what he meant to say," said a spokesman for the team. "We're completely stupefied, frankly. There seem to be fragments of English, but unlike that language, the president's comments do not appear to correspond with any traditional or translatable grid. It's 95% unreferenced babble. So good luck to your earthly media outlets who have to make sense of it. We're outta here."

And under protective security motorcade, the team was escorted to Andrews, where they turned and waved one more time to on-lookers and various tarmac personnel before the craft launched and carried them back to Pluto.

[Junkdrawer]

1. Very, very funny...

Vonnegutesque... :thumbsup:

[saltpoint]

2. Thank you, Junkdrawer. I love Kurt Vonnegut's work, by the way,

but am nowhere near his league. I consider him one of the true 'courage teachers' and I hope he lives as long as possible and keeps writing.

Also I love your signature quotation about 1984. Terrific.

[ms liberty]

3. K&R - hilarious...reminiscent of Douglas Adams - n/t

[saltpoint]

4. ms liberty, a hello to you. I think Adams' books are a hell of a lot of

fun. SO LONG AND THANKS FOR ALL THE FISH was my favorite, but they're all pretty good.

You use a Moyers quotation in your signature field. I'm a devotee of Bill Moyers since a long while back. I think he should run for president. I think he'd be electable. And imagine how listenable his speeches and addresses would be next to the moron in the White House right now!

Thanks for your post.

[RUMMYisFROSTED]

5. "...so grammatically cubist..."

:think:

Not too shabby. :thumbsup:

[saltpoint]

6. Hey RUMMYisFROSTED. I have been trying to read the excerpts of

the transcript of the Johns Hoplins Q & A today, and I'll be damned if I can figure out much of what this guy was saying.

If a high school English teacher gave any of Dubya's sentences from that speech to a class of seniors and told them to parse it, they'd go home and blow their brains out.

I honestly think he's either hitting the hard stuff again, or on a serious blast of antidepressants, or both.

[RUMMYisFROSTED]

7. Pop quiz. Diagram these sentences.

:wow:

:rofl:

[saltpoint]

8. Exactly.

:thumbsup:


:hi:

[Junkdrawer]

9. .

[skip fox]

10. Nice!!! Why don't you hop over and give us a CAPTION???

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=364x901720

[saltpoint]

11. skip fox, thank you for that post & invitation. I just got back from

that thread and posted a little something, but it's not in the league of you and the other DUers there.

But god does that photo capture the Clueless Leaker-in-Chief!

Well chosen & thank-you.

[donsu]

12. apparently misogynists/ religiously insane understand him

wasn't it Lincoln that had the illness were they all had the same dreams? all people with that illness dreamed the same kind of dream.

[saltpoint]

14. It could be, donsu. Yes. Anything's plausible with this bunch.

Maybe the religious nutcases can understand him in a way some of them "speak in tongues." Maybe they "hear in tongues," too.

::):

[quiet.american]

13. Hilarious. n/t

[saltpoint]

15. Thank you, quiet.american. Much appreciated. - n/t

[quiet.american]

16. You're welcome. Thank you for a much-needed humor break. n/t