When is a child old enough to be left home alone?

[ecstatic]

Just wondering after reading this article:

A husband and wife -- who found a dog sitter for their new puppies but left their 9-year-old son home to care for his younger autistic brother while they celebrated the new year in Las Vegas -- were arrested Wednesday, police said.

Calero and De la Vega are both cosmetic dentists in Santa Clara.

http://www.cnn.com/2006/US/01/04/home.alone.ap/index.html?section=cnn_latest

I believe the parents have since lost custody of the kids. Obviously they were wrong to leave town without the kids--but are they bad parents or did they just assume that their kids were mature and disciplined enough to be home alone? Surely two cosmetic dentists can afford a sitter. When I was 9 years old, I was starting the 5th grade and I'm pretty sure I was left home alone on several occassions with no problems. I have a younger sister and we were very disciplined kids--my dad just used to say don't open the door for strangers. We followed directions and there was no problem.

[Ezlivin]

1. I was raised by wolves, so don't ask me

There used to be something called parental discretion.

I suppose that the government knows what's best for everyone's children now.

[alarimer]

40. Overnight? Probably 15-16

And even then most parents wouldn't trust teenagers home alone for several days.

[WinkyDink]

2. By 8 years old, third grade.

At least, I was. Put a book in my hand, and I was good for the duration!
This was during the day-time, FWIW.

[NMDemDist2]

3. 9 is too young esp with the responsibility of a younger sib

and most esp when the younger child has special needs

if they were both healthy kids, i'd say 13 is the cut off

[latebloomer]

4. They were leaving home for 5 DAYS!!

which is considerably different than leaving them for an hour or two. My kids were 10 or 11 before I would even leave them for a short time.

And they were leaving a 9-year-old to take care of a younger autistic child? And they are cosmetic dentists?

No doubt-- they are selfish and neglectful parents who are putting their kids in danger. I think arresting them was about right.

[salin]

21. absolutely wreckless

leave alone for a day when school is out, perhaps. Five days for a nine year old - alone would be outrageous; five days for a nine year old to have responsibility for a younger sibling would be even more outrageous; five days for a nine year old to have responsibility for a younger autistic child? Wow. What the h*ll were they thinking?

[txindy]

47. But, hey, at least the dogs were boarded. Priorities.

:eyes: There is no punishment harsh enough for this supposed-father and the stepmother who lives up (down?) to the stereotypical 'wicked' role. Thank heavens for the birth mother's mother and her persistence.

[William769]

5. A child that age should never be left alone to care for another child.

They didn't just go out for the evening, they left town for 5 friggin days. IMHO they should lose all right to thses children & have them taken away.

[Little Star]

29. Yep n/t

[Nimrod2005]

6. I have a 4 year old daughter, I plan to NEVER leave her home

Alone...Of course, unless she is 28 or something!!!

[woodsprite]

12. Hubby and I are of the same mind.

Of course, I married my highschool sweetheart and we started dating really early (at 14), so we remember what we were like when left home alone for any length of time ;) And nope, my daughter will not start dating at 13-14 either. Actually thought of getting her Karate lessons :)

[Nimrod2005]

17. We did NOT want to have kids, my daughter was an accident, tuned out

to be the best thing that ever happened to me, EVER!!!

She is at the gym right now, ballet classes once a week, and we plan to keep her (and us) busy for years to come.

[upi402]

51. Funny how that happens, and it teaches selfless love...

like no spritual pusuit can ever hope to.
Unless you're like the parents in the OP's report.

[soothsayer]

7. Jeez, at least take the kids to Vegas with you and leave 'em in

a room. Plus you can have women sent up to yer room in Vegas (babysitters, of course, is what I meant---where'd you get that dirty mind?).

[Tace]

11. Plus, At Resorts These Days They Have Baby Sitting Programs...

for kids, where the kids play with other kids under professional supervision, doing arts and crafts and stuff. They're usually available all day until midnight or so -- Plenty of time to do adult-type things.

[trixie]

8. The laws of your local area will tell you.

In our area you can be left home alone at 12 (overnight) and babysit at 13. You can call your local police department for the law in your area.

[shaniqua6392]

9. Most states have laws and/or recommendations

that require parents to wait until their children are between ages 12 and 13 years of age. This is also the recommendation of most "safe kids organizations". Children any younger can not make consistent decisions regarding their safety and reactions in emergency situations. I waited with both my girls until they turned 13 and then began gradually with short alone times. This is a process, I feel, that should be done gradually. I look upon it as "training" which takes time. This has worked wonderfully. Most children if you ask them would prefer not to be left alone any younger than this. People are asking too much of young children simply because they are working parents and/or want to go places without their children in my opinion.

[woodsprite]

10. I thought it was unlawful in some states to let even a 10yo to

stay at home alone, unsupervised. Our 12yo is never let home alone. Her aftercare/summercamp goes up to 15yo.

[Daisy Adair]

16. Ah, but the IRS only lets you deduct child-care cost until they're 12.

Puts those of us who struggle with the decisions into an interesting predictament. In WI, a child can have a job at 14 (with heavy restrictions). So, summer care, for a couple years is awkward and expensive, with no tax credits or relief.

I don't think there are hard and fast laws in most places on this... but common sense dictates that these kids should not have been alone for FIVE days.... hours, perhaps... not days.

[Little Star]

28. In addition

what about laws that treat juvenile offenders as though they were adult?

[Daisy Adair]

31. Yes, and that is slipping younger and younger every day, isn't it?

:sigh:

[Little Star]

39. Agree n/t

[fishwax]

45. one more hypocrisy

good point.

[OmmmSweetOmmm]

38. Our town has a course Home Alone for 9 year olds and up. There is no

set law here about it. Using that as a guideline, I left my son who was 9 (and very mature for his age) alone for a few hours at a time, and a neighbor who was having an insane grudge against me, called child protective services. Child protective told me that there were no guidelines and was often looked at a child by child basis. They had no problem with me leaving my son alone.

As to overnight alone? Both of my sons (15 and 18) have never been left home alone for days let alone for one night. Maybe when they're 30 or so????

On edit...just remembered something about that happened in regard to the age of kids. My younger son is not as mature as my older one and up until he was 12, I just didn't leave him home by himself for more than a couple of hours at a time and most of the time his older brother was with him.

I had to go to pick up my older son's car with him, which was about 45 minutes away. With the time spent having to register the car, and then the time spent at the lot, a couple of hours passed. On the way home I got a call on my cell from my younger son. He said he was hearing noises in the house and he was very upset. He wound up calling the police! There was nobody there. We live in an attached townhouse and he must have heard the neighbors next door. It's all a matter of maturity.

[ecstatic]

55. whoa..! that must have been an awkward situation nt

[OmmmSweetOmmm]

59. It was an awful situation. The neighbor also claimed that I was high or

drunk all the time. I immediately volunteered to go down to be tested as I didn't do drugs and had stopped even social drinking years before. The psychologist at the place where I had the tests done couldn't believe that I was there. It's amazing how much power one anonymous person's hearsay can have. I can understand it when there are real signs of child abuse but to do it out of insane vengeance is unconscionable.

[Toots]

13. Would you hire a nine year old to babysit your child?

I wouldn't..:shrug:

[agates]

34. No, but I was babysitting for others

When I was 10. I guess things were different "a few" years ago.

A nine year old might by old enough to stay alone for a short time but shouldn't be responsible for a younger sibling, especially a disabled one.

[txindy]

46. Caring for an autistic child for 5 days & nights is completely different.

And the brother/babysitter was only 9?! There's a special place in hell for these 'parents'. They paid to board their dogs, but couldn't be bothered with their children. :grr: Thank God for the maternal grandmother.

[ecstatic]

56. These days a 10 yr old = 5 yr old back then; 30 = 21... etc

Ages don't seem to mean what they used to. LOL

[sendero]

14. I remember reading somewhere..

.... that age 11 is generally considered ok, but that might and probably does vary from state to state.

One thing for sure, leaving a 9 yo to care for a 5 yo is not ok.

[abluelady]

15. My Opinion

You can leave children home alone for a few hours if they are mature at 11 but not at 19 if they are immature! However, seriously, overnight I would not allow my children alone unless one was of driver license age, in case of an emergency and they had to leave the house.

As someone else said, nowadays it is important to know the laws in your own state.

[theHandpuppet]

18. Were you left alone for five days while your parents partied in Vegas?

Sorry, but dumping your 9 year old to look after a 5 year old with autism while you party in Vegas really goes beyond the pale of poor parenting. This is called GROSS NEGLECT and CHILD ABUSE. These "parents" belong in the slammer and their children in a responsible, loving home.

[LizW]

19. Depends on the child

My older son occasionally stayed home alone for brief periods (like while I ran to the store for milk or did an errand in the neighborhood) when he was 10. I never left him in charge of his little brother until he was 12 or 13. I still don't leave them alone for extended periods of time or after dark.

But that's just my kids, and my comfort level. I have a friend whose daughter has been babysitting, including at night, for two years and she's just 12.

[dogday]

20. Was certainly not old enough to care for

an austic child at night. Maybe to of left the child by himself for a few hours during the day only but not at night and never to be the only caretaker of an austic child. That is the biggest problem I see with this scenario. The austic child should always have an adult caretaker period....

[undeterred]

22. There's a huge difference between overnight and an hour away

I would never leave a child with autism in the care of another child overnight, no matter what the age.

[CRK7376]

23. We've left our boys

for up to 3-4 hours at a time when we had to make a large grocery store/Sam's COstco run, when they were 9 and 14, but the house had to stay locked, they were not allowed to go outside and they must answer the phone buy the 3rd ring...they had their video/computer games and access to the refrig...Plus we would make hourly telephone contact to make sure they were ok....Our daughter is 7 and will never be left alone until...28 or so..., no she comes with us on our shopping trips, but she enjoys going out with Mom and Dad, while the boys hate it. They want to stay and watch the game or video game instead of being seen with their parents.....

[ThomWV]

24. Depends On The Kid and How You Raised Him Or Her

My son is 30 now, so apparently this system works. Oh, and we are country people.

We never left him alone at home until he was at least in about the 5th grade or so - which would have made him about 10 I suppose. Even then it would have been at his option and only for short periods. Of course by that age he had spent a powerfull number of hours out in the woods, just him and the dogs. Pretty independent kid. Not one time did we ever hire a babysitter and leave him.

Through his early teens it would not have been uncommon at all for him to be alone at home for hours during the day, or a few hours if we went out at night. That would have been pretty frequently and of course he would have been starting to go out a bit on his own by this time as well. Not too much mind you, but the boy would have been just getting his legs.

We never left him alone overnight until he was near finished with High School. Of course we knew what meant was going to happen. It was apparently quite a party. What's a few hundred bucks damage when your kid now has a lifetime memory?

[SmokingJacket]

25. Depends on the kid, of course, but...

My eight year old is just starting to do things on his own, walk to his friends' houses, etc. I still wouldn't leave him alone with his younger brother while I left the house -- maybe in a couple years. Ten or eleven is probably old enough to babysit a sibling, thirteen old enough to babysit someone else.

But overnight, in the house, while I was out of town? I can't imagine doing that until the kid is sixteen. On edit: And probably not even then, knowing my kid.

[Options Remain]

26. thats messed up

It depends on the kid really. I am sure I did an hour or two as young as 9 but not an evening or 5 days. hell I went walking for hours on end alone in the woods at 7.

The fact that the parents instructed the kid to not answer the door speaks volumes. The dogsitter thing is easily explained. having the dogs around might be a bit too much responsibility.

Im sure these two dont think they have done anything wrong. this is clearly bad judgement. a couple hours I can see 5 days is rediculous.

[hippiegranny]

27. it's not the age so much - it's the length of time

I can fully imagine some 9 year old being mature enough to handle being alone while the parents make quick trip to the grocery or maybe even take in a movie, but 5 days? That is neglect, especially since the 9 year old had to care for his special needs sibling as well. The irony is that these parents hired a pet sitter for the dogs. Anyone who sticks up for these idiots surely must, on some level, realize how ridiculous any argument defending them is.

[BiggJawn]

30. 27, as long as the basement fridge is well-stocked.

And the 360 is in good order with plenty of games.

Yes, I'm being fecesious. When I was a kid, 14 y-o girls hired out as babysitters, but that was back when life wasn't so "dangerous"....

[Mutley]

32. I got my housekey when I was 8 years old

and began spending two hours alone after school everyday. But I was a fairly well behaved child. I think it depends on the child -- his/her general behavior and ability to deal with problems alone. That being said, five days is too long to leave even a 16 year old alone.

edit: spelling and such.

[ohio_liberal]

33. One of my sons is 10, and he is allowed to stay home alone

for 10 minutes while I run to the convenience store. No more than that, and never with the younger kids ages 5 and 7. There are some very strict rules, like not answering the door if he doesn't know who is there, no lighting the stove, etc. We have two big dogs that are very protective of him so I have -0- concerns. Oh, and he has my cell phone number should anything happen.

My oldest son is 16 and wants to stay by himself next summer for the weekend while the family goes on a short vacation. There's no way in hell I'm leaving him alone.

I can't imagine for a second what these people were thinking when they left their small children alone for so long.

[Avalux]

35. I feel sorry for these kids;

It sounds as if their idiot father, who had just gotten married (mom had recently passed away), doesn't want to be bothered with them. He's starting a new life with a new wife and the kids are just in the way. How selfish of him to chose partying with stepmom over taking care of his kids. Sickening. And what a stepmom she is too, right?

It's one thing to leave a 9 year old alone for an hour or two with a parent in close vicinity. Completely different to burden a child with the responsibility of caring for a younger handicapped sibling and everything else (like cooking meals). 5 days is a very long time. Las Vegas is a long ways away.

[ProdigalJunkMail]

36. I was a latch-key kid from seven onward

My parents were both teachers and did not arrive home until I had already been home for about two hours. I was given very strict rules had 'supervision' from neighbors and could go to a neighbor's house if I had a need...all of those conditions made it successful for us as a family. Taught me a lot about indepedence I would imagine...

subjectProdigal

[Toots]

37. I left my sixteen year old home alone for a few hours and boy howdy.

:shrug: still don't know where those panties came from......

[Kerrytravelers]

41. Unbelievable!

I'm a teacher and have worked with many Autistic children. Sometimes, it's hard for two or three adults to keep an angry Autistic child from hurting themselves. Of course, it depends on how severaly afflicted with Autism the child is, however, a nine year old, no matter how mature, would still be overwhelmed with many possible situations that could happen.

If the nine year old were extremly mature and the parents steped out for 15-20 minutes, I would still cringe, but it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world, considering, of course, on the current temperment of the Autistic child. But to leave for New years... I"m glad the kids have been taken away.

I'm no expert. Being a teacher doesn't mean I know all there is to know about Autism, but from my experience with Autistim and with children, this just makes me sad. These people, most likely, aren't in tune with the child's special needs. For most special needs children to be successful to their full potential, it takes a full family effort... not negliant parents.

If I had to make an educated guess, I'd bet this wasn't the first time the adults in the house showed how little they care for thei boys.

kt

[upi402]

42. I was born a poor black child...

and was raised on Steve Martin movies 24/7.
I think 12 years is the age where I live, but I think it's a bit arbitrary. Nine is likely too young, but the parents got too harsh a punishment. However, they might be irresponsible partiers, given their get-away destination.

[William Bloode]

43. I spent a lot of time alone when young.

I would be left for the day while my mom was working. I was only 8-9 at the time. I have never left my 9yr old but long enough to go to the store. My opinion would be 8-10(responsibility level depending) for day and maybe a few hours maybe at night(up till around midnight). I would not leave a child alone all night till 13-15, again responsibility level depending. No child should be left un-attended for 5 days except for 17-18yr olds.....maybe 16. Just way to much potential for trouble. On that note though i was living on my own and working when i was 14 or 15, so what do i know lol!

At any rate it was one more terrible decision on the part of the couple. I think some criminal charges for them are in order.

[fishwax]

44. I was home alone quite regularly by the age of seven

but not for days at a time or with an autistic younger brother to care for. That's just stupid.

[txindy]

48. Mature and self-disciplined enough?

A 9 year old. and an autistic 5 yr. old? Not a chance. Not for five days and nights. At that age and under those circumstances, even an entire afternoon would be too long. Too many variables. Thank goodness for the birth mother's mother and her refusal to give up on them.

They left the children while they were sleeping. So brave of the 'parents'! :grr: It's heartbreaking that the older boy believes (quite rightly, imo) that they care more for the dogs than for him and his brother. NO punishment is enough for these 'people'.

Middle school age is the youngest I would leave a child alone for an entire day. As for overnight, I'm thinking senior in HS, but the potential for hormonally-induced trouble there is too huge, so.... When they leave home for college! ;)

[kestrel91316]

49. The only time I can recall being home alone (other than parents

going out to dinner, but I think my older sister was always home then) was at age 14 when my uncle died. I didn't want to go the funeral (they upset me too much) out of town, so my parents went with my sister for the weekend and I got to look after myself. Of course all the neighbors were advised, so I could go in any of three directions about 50 feet for help.

For a slightly younger child, shorter times might be ok (like mom out shopping for an hour or two). But 5 days??? Age 9???

People should have to pass a test to have kids.

[upi402]

50. a test before procreation often occurs to me too

Funny that it's so contrapuntal to my general leanings to personal freedoms. I see more and more mothers bailing on their kids.
Abandonment, it's not just for daddies anymore!

I say you can change your mind on parenthood and head straight to work release and 100% OF YOUR INCOME GOES INTO A COLLEGE FUND.

[supernova]

52. This was clearly egregious

They were right to be arrested. Nine years old is too young to be left overnight, let alone for DAYS. and with a younger special needs sibling!?

Fucking crazy, man. Yes, the parents deserved to be arrested.

Now my parents left me alone for an hour or two to go shopping, but I was never left alone overnight until my teen years. Well, scratch that. When I was 5 I spent 2 weeks in the hospital alone overnight. I wasn't happy about it, but that was before hospitals allowed relatives to spend the night. Still, it's not like I wasn't supervised.

They put their children in danger by leaving them unattended. That's just wrong, IMO.

[No Exit]

53. One MIGHT leave a 9-yr-old home alone during the day, though

I myself would absolutely not do this.

But leave him to care for his YOUNGER AUTISTIC BROTHER????? No effing WAY!!

When my son was an infant, he stayed with a family in their home while I worked. The lady once said to me, "My daughter Mary (a 10-yr-old) is very good at taking care of my other daughter (3-yrs-old). Mary babysits for my neighbor when my neighbor is out in the neighborhood. Do you mind if I occasionally leave the baby with Mary, if I'm going to be nearby?"

I told her I did NOT want the baby left w/o an adult in the home. Period. (I liked Mary, but she was only 10.)

Look at it this way: a 9- or 10-yr-old can't DRIVE!!

A 9- or 10-yr-old might "have more sense than some adults", but the child STILL doesn't have the physical strength of an adult.

I say, a child should be 14 b/f being left alone during the day, and should be driving age if left alone at night.

I don't believe in having one child babysit the younger one unless it's an emergency. I have been that younger child, with a well-meaning 19-yr-old sibling babysitting me, and believe me, you don't want to do that.

In an emergency, some leeway might have to be given.

[donsu]

54. I was earning babysitting money when I was 12

sitting for families in the neighborhood. 25 cents an hr., 50 cents after midnight

(seems like another life on another planet)

[shugah]

58. indeed!

i was babysitting for $ at age 11 - for infants and toddlers, often well into the wee hours of the morning.

however, even in that long ago day and age, no one was asking me to babysit for 5 days and nights at a stretch. not even overnight.

[shugah]

57. the age and amount of time

when it is appropriate to allow children to be alone at home varies widely depending on the child.

generally, a parent can be depended on to make the right decisions about how mature, responsible, and trustworthy a child is.

there are no circumstances in which i can imagine a 9 y.o. is mature and responsible enough to be left home alone for 5 days, much less left with a younger sibling, let alone one with special needs. i just cannot fathom the parental logic (lack of) that went into that decision.

are they bad parents? i don't know. but i am sure that they made a very poor decision in this instance. no matter how mature and responsible that 9 y.o. is there are too many variables that can occur in a 5 day period to rely on him to be able to handle any eventuality.

your example of staying home with your sister does not necessarily make an appropriate parallel - did you stay home without adult supervision for days and nights at a time? is staying inside and not opening the door for five days good for a 9 year old and his younger sibling?

i think letting kids be at home alone for periods of time as suits age and maturity can be a good and positive experience, building self esteem, contributing to a sense of maturity and responsible behavior. almost any kid will feel good knowing they are trusted by their parents. however, thrusting too much responsibility on to a child, especially if it is because mom and dad want to go play without the kids in tow ... well, i'm not sure what the lesson learned by the kids is going to be, but i'd be hard put to think it was a good one.

[proud2BlibKansan]

60. The autistic brother complicates this issue

But even without him, it is definitely neglect since they were gone so long.