Found! Super-secret 2006 GOP Message Memo!

[Skinner]

MEMORANDUM

To:    Ken Mehlman, RNC Chairman
From:  Marlon Daniels, Republican Message Committee
Re:    2006 Slogans
Date:  March 15, 2006

Your 3/10 attack against the Democrats from the Southern Republican Leadership Conference has been very well received. As expected, the media gave broad play to your key sound bite, "Not only can they not settle on an agenda, they can't even agree on a slogan," and repeated the examples we provided to support the charge. By the way, you were right: No one bothered to point out that we also lack a slogan for 2006.

Per your request, here are the slogans currently under consideration by the message committee, by topic.

ABORTION

Just think of how safe the country will be when all the rapists move to South Dakota.

DOMESTIC SPYING

You weren't using the Bill of Rights anyway.

Vote for us, and we promise not to tap your phone.

ECONOMY/JOBS

You know that warm fuzzy feeling you get when you donate canned goods to hungry people? It's kinda like that, except instead of "canned goods" think "your job," and instead of "hungry people" think "Chinese people in sweatshops."

You always dreamed of an early retirement. And now you've got it.

Sick of your kids borrowing money from you? Vote Republican, and let us borrow from your kids.

MORAL VALUES

At least gay people can't get married. That's gotta be worth something.

Want some church with your state?

Voting Democrat makes the baby Jesus cry.

NATIONAL SECURITY

Like the Iraq War? You'll love the Iran War!

Who needs port security when you've got God on your side?

GOVERNMENT REFORM

Don't like what's happening to our country? Remember that the Democrats control all the branches of government except three.

We've still got a whole bunch of elected officials who aren't indicted.

We will not rest until Natalee Holloway is found.

[EFerrari]

1. LOL!

:rofl:

[converted_democrat]

2. I see from the other responses that it is satire.. Funny stuff..n/t

[progressoid]

16. That was my thought too.

About a third of the way through,it started to seem like the real McCoy.

[BurgherHoldtheLies]

3. Tort reform: Lawyer hunting approved by the VP

[Midlodemocrat]

4. That is priceless!

:rofl:

[Faux pas]

5. LOL I'm stealing this! n/t

[SammyWinstonJack]

6. !

:spray: "We've still got a whole bunch of elected officials who aren't indicted." :rofl:

[wicket]

7. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[peacetalksforall]

8. Kick! Wonderful! Reverse truthiness is welcome today! Write more. nt

[Crazy Guggenheim]

9. LOL.

:rofl: :popcorn: :spray:

[Just Me]

10. hee hee

:rofl:

[fooj]

11. How true is this...

Vote for us, and we promise not to tap your phone.

Problem is...they'll break their promise. They ALWAYS DO!!!

Thanks for the chuckle.....

peace.

[Rainscents]

12. OMG very funny!!!

:rofl:

[stop the bleeding]

13. sad thing is they actually would believe this if it was real

thanks Skinner for the laugh

[MadMaddie]

14. Once again Skinner...you have outdone yourself!!!

:rofl:

[cal04]

15. So true.

and we'll promise to out every CIA agent

[Disturbed]

19. Humor can be a powerful weapon.

Even shrub tries his hand at it.

Didn't you love his skit about looking for WMDs?

[pinto]

17. LOL. Hyperbole - $12.00, Satire - $25.00, Truth - Priceless.

[hang a left]

18. My two favorites

Don't like what's happening to our country? Remember that the Democrats control all the branches of government except three.

We've still got a whole bunch of elected officials who aren't indicted.

[patdem]

20. Skinner, with your authority I KNOW this is truly the 'super-secret'

memo. Thanks for sharing this! Of course knowing what we Dems know we could have put this thing together ourselves!

Edit...note to self...do spell check FIRST!

[myrna minx]

21. Thanks for the laugh Skinner. I really needed it today.

:loveya:

Prescription Drugs: Placebos can be just as good!

[Gidney N Cloyd]

22. "Democrats control all the branches of government except three."

I can just see the slack-jawed heads nodding 'yup, that's right, damn demorats'

[Gregorian]

23. Hold the hostages, we have an election.

I read your post to the tune of MICKEY MOUSE. Don't the Republicans have a theme song yet?

Beautiful. How far we've come in just a few years. And we didn't think it was possible.

Maybe if they get enough money, they can pay for a reverse search and get Bin Laden's phone number.

Now if we can just bring Shiavo back to life.

[pinto]

24. The Homeland Security plan - caller ID.

:silly:

[EFerrari]

27. Their song should be stolen from Mr. Rogers

"Who are the people in your neighborhood?"

:rofl:

[Crazy Guggenheim]

25. Skinner. FS just posted this at .........

Skinner's Memorandum

:popcorn: :popcorn: :popcorn: :popcorn: :popcorn:

[im10ashus]

26. Impossible.

This could never be a Republican Memo. There's no misspelled words or grammatical train wrecks.

[TahitiNut]

28. Response ...

"

MEMORANDUM

To:    Marlon Daniels, Republican Message Committee
From:  Ken Mehlman, RNC Chairman
Re:    2006 Slogans
Date:  March 15, 2006

Thank you for helping catapult the propaganda! Remember, even one Democrat in Congress is like one anchovy on a pizza - it's to blame for ruining the whole thing. Until the Congress is pure and no longer contaminated by the nattering nabobs of negativism, our constant vigilance must be unhesitatingly united. Sieg Heil!

[BrotherBuzz]

33. LOL, your "intolerant clamor and cacophony"...

is much appreciated! Anchovies and Agnew!:rofl:

[louis-t]

29. Ha! Great stuff!

" Remember that the Democrats control all the branches of government except three." Hee hee...snark.

[WiseButAngrySara]

30. Ha haaaaaaaaaaa! Very funny. K&R and thanks for the laugh! ....n/t

[laylah]

31. Damn Skinner!

Ya got me! Took me most of the way through to realize it is satire :spank: :banghead: :rofl:

Jenn

[Minnesota Libra]

32. Grest work Skinner - love it - nt

[Jara sang]

34. Thanks Skinner

LOL! I was just at the CIA FOIA/Reading Room and clicked back to this, fully believing this was a real document until I read the actual slogans. You got me!

[OPERATIONMINDCRIME]

35. I Just Totally Friggin Craughed When I Read That!

Ya know, cried and laughed at the same time, cause it's so fucking funny yet so painfully sad all at the same moment. :) :(

Definitely great satire though! (though other then things being spelled correctly it probably isn't that far off from what they do pass back and forth to each other LOL)

[mtnsnake]

36. Yeaaahhhhhhhh baby!!!!

Thanks for the laugh, man! Lord knows we need it!

Maybe next week you can just happen to intercept their memorandum on health care, gun control, tax cuts, and leave no kid behind? ;)

Good stuff, Skinner!

:toast:

[harpo]

37. this is funny, thanks for the laugh

[bridgit]

38. they're all mental, but Ken Mehlman is such a sleazy little toady...

:thumbsdown:

[KoKo]

39. LOL's......

...One could almost believe it given their insanity.......:D

[madokie]

40. I apologize if this isn't supposed to be funny but I'm laughing my ass off

[kentuck]

41. Good one !

:)

[Cleita]

42. Fantastic!

:rofl:

Too bad they won't see it. It would make them very uncomfortable I think.

[mattclearing]

43. This is great stuff. Thanks. n/t

[mzmolly]

44. HA!

:rofl: