I am writing an open letter, please read what I have so far.

[originalpckelly]

It will be on the topic of fear and hatred, the ways we can truly prevent terrorism, and the alterations we have made to our government to allay our fears (it has become painfully clear it is incapable of action. Therefore the changes are cosmetic.)

We must conquer our fears by ourselves, we must not rely upon the government because the only thing it can conquer is ourselves.

I have experienced this long ride through the valley of the shadow of death with the rest of America. Unfortunately, unlike the psalm, we have feared evil. We have given our government the task of allaying our fears. We have given it the duty of giving us comfort. The sad fact is though the only thing it can give us is tyranny. We must not forget those who walked among us September 10th and no longer after the 11th, but we cannot think about their loss daily. Yes, to some of us they were relatives or friends and some even both. However, to the majority of America they are only names. We who were not privileged to know them well enough, do not deserve the right to grieve for them. We do not miss them because they were fundamental parts of lives, we only grieve them because they are a symbol of what may happen to all of us. They are a symbol of our fears. Our fears are destroying our liberty and government and to be made the excuse for tyranny is the ultimate disservice. This is our disservice.

It might be to taboo a topic to say those things, so please don't fillet me, and I apologize in advance if I say anything that causes pain.

[niyad]

1. this is a very good start.

[tomreedtoon]

2. I think you need to rethink and refocus.

Please accept my criticism on a base grammatical level. On first reading you seem to be making two points:

1) The government cannot protect our psyches from fear; that's something we must do ourselves.

2) We are not mourning the 9/11 victims; we (or is it the government?) are using us as symbols of fear.

I think both these points are valid, but they are separate things. They need to be addressed in separate paragraphs (which, as they taught us in school, are supposed to be built around separate concepts). And in fact, since they are very different considerations, you probably need a couple of paragraphs between them.

You also need to think about what is your main thought. I'd think it was #1 above, but maybe for you it's #2. They are both valid central points. You have to decide which one is most important to this particular essay, and promote it. You also might want to dig up additional support for whichever is your main thought.

Finally, an "open letter" is supposed to be addressed to a particular person; it's "open" because you're letting the rest of us read it over your shoulder. To whom are you addressing this letter? That makes a real difference in the whole tone of writing. If it were addressed to Bush, for instance, you might have to write it in baby-talk and abandon all pretense of changing his mind. If it were to someone like, say, Kerry or Al Franken, who have more flexible minds and greater intelligence, you'd write it smarter and with some hope of your points being recognized.

Hope this helps you to formulate your letter.

[IsItJustMe]

4. You must be a teacher. LOL

[tomreedtoon]

6. Naw, just an amateur writer tired of scattershot rants.

I understand the need to vent against Bush and his buddies, but just letting loose to release the steam pressures doesn't convince anyone. It also doesn't effectively direct that steam against the ugly wallpaper you want to remove.

It's basically what Bobcat Goldthwait once told an audience member who yelled out that he hated Bush. I recall him saying "Why? Sure, I hate him too, but why do you hate him? Learn to hate correctly."

(On the other hand, the real English professors who write well-reasoned pieces here come off as too stiff, too intellectual, not connected to the lives ordinary people live. They need to put some chocolate pudding in their underwear or something.)

[originalpckelly]

3. I think I might just send it

to the American people. I understand the traditional convention that it should be addressed to a person, but I feel we all need to hear this. It has been done, as those who are familiar with computers will note Bill Gates' "Open Letter to Hobbyists."

[pitohui]

5. what is the purpose of the letter?

what do you hope to accomplish?

if you are trying to tell other americans how long they should grieve and that it's time to move on, i think your open letter is best placed in your own personal diary or blog

if the purpose is to persuade people that the gov't can never be of help, then stop, put down your pen, and go no further

a man in my parish was killed in 911, it could have been prevented by gov't very easily if * had shared the information he received on aug. 6, 2001 and warned the airlines to be very, very super-duper cautious of their screening, and if they had ANY doubts, to hold up the plane or the pax until the screening could be completed, instead, he allowed the media to go on its campaign all summer of writing articles about "ain't it awful" about plane delays -- so the emphasis was put on airlines by faa to force them to do things in a hurried manner to get their numbers of "on time" departures up, instead of putting the onus on the airlines not to take off unless it was safe to do so

another example

i know 3 people killed in katrina, so don't even bother to put me in the category of "most americans" don't know anyone killed and therefore shouldn't care, here we have a clearcut case of the gov't can do something to help, THEY CAN BUILD THE DAMN LEVEES AND DO IT TO SPEC THIS TIME just for starters

fear is a healthy emotion when used properly, if the army corps of engineers had feared accountability when it was discoverred the levees were not built to spec, there might be 1,100 people alive today -- or more, the bodies have not all yet been recovered

if * had felt a twinge of fear and taken the cia's memo seriously abt bin laden's plans, a short talk with some airline ceo's and i guarantee one or more of those planes would have never taken off, hell, some of the hijackers were actually identified as potential problems but not being warned to err on the side of safety, they were allowed to continue, and so 3,000 died

i guess i'm saying i don't see the point of the letter

identify what you want to achieve and then we can offer a better critique

it is cheap and easy to say "fear is bad" but in many situations fear is quite healthy