I'm getting confused. Could someone provide a list of insults that aren't offensive.

[Cruzan]

[htuttle]

1. "Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!"

[Chorophyll]

3. Go away...

...or I shall taunt you a second time!

[mark414]

34. my mother IS a hamster

i am offended!!!! :mad:

B-)

[htuttle]

42. I fart in your general direction!

[eShirl]

2. !

:rofl:

[Warpy]

4. They're supposed to be offensive

That's what makes them insults.

[mazzarro]

9. Isn't it oxymoronic to expect insults not to be offensive?

What is the gist of this question - if I may ask?

[Ian David]

5. "I'm sure you're doing the best job you possibly can." n/t

[BOSSHOG]

6. the ultimate

career killer on a fitness report - "typically effective officer." Doesn't sound too bad, to a selection board, its the kiss of death.

[GreenZoneLT]

7. Tinhorn

Rapscallion. Humbug. Carpet-bagger. Mugwump. Jake-leg. Hornswoggler. Hammerhead. Dilbert. Nimrod. Dipwad. Doofus. Nickel-plated numbskull. Republica--DAAAAHHHHHHHHH!

Dang. What'd I score, 13?

[Patsy Stone]

8. Bless her heart!

:)

[trof]

10. poopy head

I think that one's still PC.

[HoneyBee]

12. You stole mine! I'll go with "doo doo face"

:)

[trof]

19. My grandson called me "dirty pants" once.

He was pissed about something I'd done and it was the worst epithet he could come up with.
Poor little booger.
;-)

[mondo joe]

32. Offensive to Scat-Americans.

Don't make me post the images!

[Cronus Protagonist]

11. You do Yeoman's work.

I've always hated that.

[EFerrari]

21. "Thyself upon thyself" is my all time favorite. I think it's from

"Measure for Measure", which has a kind of justice that is also attractive.

[Atman]

13. "Your mother wears nice clothes"

That's about as nasty as you can get on DU without someone getting their panties in a wad (Oh, crap, now the cross-dressers will be offended!).

.

[BlooInBloo]

14. Nothing quite as fun as watching white men pretend to not "get it".

[Neshanic]

15. For males. You are an area in approximately in the groin area, specifically an organ used for...

reproduction.

In short, no pun intented, a "male unit".

[obreaslan]

16. "I don't know half of you half as well as I should like and...

I like less than half of you half as much as you deserve."

:)

[NewJeffCT]

18. Bilbo Baggins

One of the many lines from the books that made it into the movies.

[obreaslan]

22. Good old Bilbo...

Always a wealth of quotes when you need them.

[jpgray]

39. Not an insult actually--says people deserve to be more liked

But also says that he doesn't like them. :D Leave it to a philologist.

[trumad]

17. Excellent post.

Some are making fun of it....but I was waiting for a newbie to ask this question. Since I've joined DU (2001) the list has grown quite a bit.

A slippery slope I say...

[EFerrari]

20. Koko favored "dirty toilet devil." n/t

[sarge43]

23. I've always liked

"The honourable member has demonstrated that there is no such thing as unutterable nonsense."

[TorchTheWitch]

24. Insulting is a bit of an art

The whole point to insulting someone is to put them in their place by singling them out and making them look the fool. When one attempts to insult someone by using words or phrases that other uninvolved people find offensive to THEM, you lose as it only makes you look worse then the one you attempted to put in their place by insulting them. The best insult is one that is directed only to the one being insulted, has something to do with the reason they're being insulted and is clever enough that other people understand it but they don't (or even better - understand they've been insulted but can't quite figure out how).

[Toots]

25. How about "Gringo" or "Cracker" or "Yank"

:shrug: To me the most offensive insult is smoke from a cigarette....

[seabeyond]

26. isnt the whole purpose of an insult to be offensive. odd kinda question n/t

[sweetheart]

27. insult the action, not the person

"That was a stupid thing to say."

This allows the person to save face, even if it was stupid.

Dale Carnegie calls 'giving a dog a good name'... and suggests

"You usually contribute such insight in to these discussions.
Here, you've not done much of that, and it leaves me wanting."

Or you can challenge the attachment of the author to the belief.

"I know you said it, but do you actually believe that?"

"Time to go home and kick the dog."

"I love your imagination."

"Thats the way. Say it with feeling."

:-) People take themselves too seriously, as if the thoughts
they repeat there are actually unique or powerful, rather than
the repeated narratives of our social programmers.

I don't find the thoughts per se, interesting on this site, but
rather that the 'thinkers' are potentially not attached to those
thoughts, and are open to evolution in perception. But this
can only happen if a person is secure of personal attacks, and
why best practice is to allow a person to save face.

All writers are enlightened, but some write very unenlightened thoughts.

:-) Its an optimistic approach, but when dealing with the
infinite possibility of another living person, is there any other?

[TechBear_Seattle]

28. We had something like this as a high school writing assignment

The topic under study was satire. The assignment was to pick someone and write a one page "job recommendation" that, on the surface, appeared to praise them but actually said the opposite.

I would say that "insults that aren't offensive" would be something similar: seeming to praise someone's talent while highlighting just how little talent is being praised. For example....

President Bush' aptitude for the job of Chief Executive can not be dismissed with few words.

[Annces]

29. For the insult challenged?

Is it so hard to engage your brain?

[jarab]

30. No list. Just don't plan to insult, and no one is likely offended.

With those good intentions, when and if you err an apology is easy. All insults ill-conceived are offensive, imo.
Why would one need a list of inoffensive insults?

...O...

[ProfessorGAC]

37. All Insults Ill Conceived, Huh?

How convenient! You don't have to bother to consider whether the person is intending to insult, but you expect the speaker to pre-interpret any possible inference taken.

That's an awfully intellectually lazy way to go through life.
The Professor

[jarab]

41. The written word is different than that spoken

When writing - as here - the person has options unavailable in speaking - such as preview or bailout. As such, many of that written doesn't or shouldn't imply anything, except in those cases where the receiving party , as you stated, infers - quite often wrongly.

With the available options, there are too many insults on DU. In many cases they are expicit.

Posting on DU isn't my defintion of "to go through life", btw.
If I inferred something with that previous sentence, please accept my apology - as I previously stated as an easy option if no harm was intended.



...O...

[EstimatedProphet]

31. Toaster

Coffee Table

Concept

Orange

Dessert Wine

There are others. These are insults that are inoffensive. It works like this: You get mad at someone so you call him/her "A motherfucking piece of Dessert Wine." See?

You have to be careful when you use Orange though, since it's both an object and a color.

[Chorophyll]

33. Wow! You reminded me

that many years ago my friend and I drew up a list of insults based on the stuff she was required to bring to summer camp.

So for a few weeks it was all: "hey, Fourteen Undergarments!" "Hey, Tube Socks (White)!"

But Dessert Wine is nice too.

[Gormy Cuss]

35. Um, you need to leave out that reference to maternal sex.

" A burnt piece of toast and dessert wine on a coffee table" would be a less offensive insult.:+

[ProfessorGAC]

36. You Can Use "Icky"; "Meanie"; & "There, There Now"

If you use a condescending tone of voice, they work better. Any other words will offend people clearly not intended as targets.
The Professor

[Sugar Smack]

38. "Thou painted Maypole!!"

From Shakespeare. :)

[jpgray]

40. Thou whoreson zed, thou unnecessary letter!

Also from Shakespeare. :D

[Sugar Smack]

47. "You blunt monster with uncounted heads!"

"What shall I call thee when thou art a man?"- As You Like It
"Well said! That was laid on with a trowel."
"It grows something stale with me."
"I do desire we may be better strangers."
"I will kill thee a hundred and fifty ways. Therefore tremble and depart."

"I think thou art an ass."- Comedy of Errors

"You arrant, malmsey-nosed knave!"- Henry IV, Part 2
"You scullion! You rampallion! You fustilarian! I'll tickle your catastrophe!"
"You whoreson upright rabbit!"

BWAAAHAHAAAA!
:rofl:

[Warren DeMontague]

43. Ass Carrot.

No, no, wait..

How about "Cruzan"? It's got a good ring to it- You Cruuuuuuuuuuuuuzan!!!

Just kiddin, man. :hi:

[Hosnon]

44. An insult should be offensive - but only to the person to whom it is directed.

Usually, descriptive insults, e.g., ugly, short, are only offensive to the person they describe. However, insults that work by analogy, e.g., Communist, can easily be offensive because they involve an outside entity. A Communist, in the strict theoretical sense of the word, may find it offensive if you use it to insult another.

Those are the two forms I can think of off the top of my head. Limit your insults to those derived from the insultee's characteristics or things not related to humans, i.e., those that almost no one could be offended by. Such insults could take the form: "You smell like dogshit", "You're face looks like a turkey's ass", etc. It would be an unreasonable stretch of the imagination for anyone to get offended by such insults.

[TheTimmer]

45. A bit wordy

but I'm quite partial to

"Drooling, slackjawed, mouthbreathing, subliterate troglodyte with delusions of mediocrity". Also, "People are born ignorant, apparently some of us start losing ground from there."

Free free to mix and match, YMMV, HTH, HAND, and if you order in the next 10 minutes...

[chknltl]

46. "Thinking....not one of your strengths, I see."

"Alas, we are each challenged in our own ways". (either one or combine both for extra impact) :patriot: