"Anti-Terrorism Measures" from the Onion calendar for today

[liberalhistorian]

Ya gotta love the Onion, they're almost always right on target! Here's the 2007 calendar item for today, a list of what American cities are doing to "protect" their citizens from "terrorist" attacks. Hilarious, as usual!

1. Minneapolis: Renaming certain areas as "terror-free" zones.
2. Detroit: Detonating any automobile that could potentially become a car bomb
3. Albuquerque: Declaring citywide ban on national news coverage
4. Los Angeles: Stationing armed gas-mask soldiers on school buses to ensure that our children live without fear.
5. St. Louis: Gateway Arch fitted with giant convex security mirror
6. Oklahoma City: Exhaustively cavity-searching incoming cattle for bombs
7. Denver: Dismantling enormous mountain range to the west in order to eliminate potential hiding places for terrorists.
8. Cape Cod, MA: Wearing special new "anti-terror-patterned" cable-knit sweaters.
9. Kokomo, Ind: Installing lightning rods throughout town, since chance of getting hit by lightning much greater than being killed by a terrorist.

[northofdenali]

1. Good ones! And in little Bethel, Alaska -

population 5,471, about 400 miles SW of Anchorage, can't get there by car or train (fly or boat or snowmachine or walk) -

Their Homeland Idiocy was used to buy 80 surveillance cameras and set 'em up around town.....

Sad part is, this story ISN'T satire...

[liberalhistorian]

2. OMG, are you serious? That's

not a satire? How absurd. Good Lord, it's getting harder and harder to do true satire nowadays, isn't it?