Halliburton Patents Sun

[DaveT]

This just in:

Halliburton KBR Patents Sun:
Solar Power Finally Ready For Prime Time

February 2, 2006
Houston, Texas

By Simeon Rice


Houston based Halliburton KBR announced today that its intellectual property rights division had secured patent protection for the sun, opening the door for development of solar power on a global scale. The move effectively prevents competitors from capitalizing on its "invention," giving the energy company a global monopoly on the production and marketing of usable power generated by the familiar bright yellow object in the sky.

Critics of the patent award complain that the sun is a natural resource and was not in fact "invented" by Halliburton. Solar power activist Sylvester Simpering angrily denounced the patent award as "a sham and a naked employment of insider influence." Vice President Dick Cheney is the former Chief Executive officer of the company and still receives deferred compensation for his service to Halliburton.

Halliburton spokeperson Wendell Tuffshitsky dismissed the charges. "We can understand why competitors, liberals and terrorist sympathizers might resent our breakthrough, but it was the brilliant work of our Blue Sky Project that led to the discovery that no one had ever laid claim to the process of Solar Fusion -- which is what we patented."

Tuffshitsky went on to say that the company would waive license fees to sun users for at least the next six months. "That's just good PR for us. But beginning on August 1, during the height of the vacation season in the Northern Hemisphere, sunbathers will be charged $1.19 US per hour for use of the sun. We are currently recruiting customer service agents for duty next summer to make sure that there are no dead beats infringing our patent rights."

When asked about future applications of its sun technology, Tuffshitsky said, "The future is very exciting. We look forward to bringing the sun to market. Next year, we will start to collect fees from all the farmers on earth, and with the profits we earn from that project, we will finance a new crash research program to have a global solar generated electric grid ready for when the world runs out of oil.

"Our research department has determined that the end of the petroleum era will stimulate a lot of demand for our product."

[BushOut06]

1. Is it too late to patent White Houses?

And if not, can we do so, then tell the current occupants to get the hell out?

[Laelth]

2. Wonderful satire.

So close to the truth that it's almost believable.

-Laelth

[DaveT]

3. Thank you.

(Shameless kick to get more people to read this hilarious spoof.)

[Dover]

4. Halliburton has patented Greed. Here's a patent that SHOULD be satire

but is, in fact, real.

http://www.sproutnet.com/Press/seeds_of_controversy.htm

The patent office is just one corporate infiltrated gov. office with the authority to keep us all in the Dark Ages and beholding to them for the most basic of life's gifts.

[DaveT]

5. Great link on the sprouts

and another forlorn kick to get people to catch the satirical look at how modern "journalism" deals with corporate ownership of everything.