Teaching our children about Sexual Predators

[Jeanette in FL]

Last week one of my neighbors was identified in the Flagler Beach Sexual Predator Sting (Florida). http://www.news-journalonline.com/NewsJournalOnline/News/Headlines/frtHEAD01121306.htm

I have been paralyzed with fear for my grandchildren. He wasn't a "stranger" to them. Two of my grandchildren are babies, but one is eight years old and wanting to explore the world. I don't want them out of my sight. I have joined an online group that helps in capture of these sexual predators and it is truly sickening how these people operate and prey on our children.

This article gives constructive ideas to help parents and grandparents and teachers to instruct children without making them fearful of everyone they come into contact with.

With this information, I now feel I can contribute in a postive way to providing safety to the children in my life and community. I don't think that these tips can be repeated often enough. Please print them out or copy and send to anyone you think that they may be helpful to.
Thank you, Jeanette in FL


Sgt Whitney Allen of the Tulsa Police Department's Child Crisis Unit says many crimes committed against children can be prevented.

- The most important key to child safety is effective communication with your child.

-We maybe sending a confusing message to our children by teaching them “Stranger Danger.” Children may not understand the term

STRANGER. Most children will describe a stranger as someone who is ugly or mean. They don’t perceive nice-looking or friendly people as strangers.

- Experience has shown us that most children are actually taken by someone they are familiar with. If someone talks to a child or is even around them once, that person loses their “stranger” status.

- It is more appropriate to teach children to be on the lookout for certain types of situations or actions rather than certain kinds of individuals.

- Children can be raised to be polite and friendly, but it is okay for them to be suspicious of any adult asking for assistance.

- Children help other children, but there is no need for them to be assisting adults. Adults should not be asking for assistance from children.

- Children should learn to stay away from adults in vehicles, and they should know that it is okay to say NO, even to an adult.

- Parents and guardians should explain to children that the child’s personal safety is more important than being polite.

- Children should be taught to tell things that make them uncomfortable to a trusted adult.

-Kids need to be empowered with positive messages and safety skills that will build their self-esteem and self confidence while helping to keep them safe.

- A clear, calm, and reassuring message about situations and actions to lookout for is easier for a child to understand than a particular profile or image of a stranger.


BASIC SAFETY RULES FOR CHILDREN
- As soon as children can articulate a sentence, they can begin the process of learning how to protect themselves against abduction and exploitation.

- If you are in a public place and you get separated from your parents or guardian, don’t wander around looking for them. Go to a uniformed police officer or a store employee with a name tag.

- You should not get into a vehicle and go anywhere with any person unless your parent or guardians have told you it is okay to do so on that day.

- If someone in a vehicle follows you, stay away from them and turn around and run in the opposite direction.

- If someone is following you on foot, run away as fast as you can and tell a trusted adult what happened.

-Grownups should not be asking children for help. They should be asking other grownups.

No one should be asking you for directions, asking you to help look for something like a “lost puppy” or telling you your mother or father is in trouble and he or she will take you to them.

- If someone tries to take you somewhere, quickly get away from them and yell or scream.

- If someone tries to grab you, make a scene and make every effort to get away by
kicking, screaming, and resisting.

- Try to take a friend with you anywhere you go.

- If someone wants to take your picture, tell them NO and then tell a trusted adult.

- No one should touch you in parts of your body that would be covered by a bathing suit, nor should you touch anyone else in those areas. Your body is special and private.

- You have the right to say NO to someone who tries to take you somewhere, touch you, or makes you feel scared, uncomfortable, or confused in any way.

- If your child does share a problem with you, strive to remain calm, noncritical, and nonjudgemental.

[Sweet Freedom]

1. And for us

According to my local sheriff's department...

Quit identifying your child. Don't put bumper stickers on your car that tell predators where your child goes to school, takes dance, gymnastics, karate, and certainly don't put the stickers on that identify them by name.

Also, don't take your kid out wearing a shirt or jacket that identifies their school or extracurricular activity.

Supervise your children when they are outside. It only takes a second for someone to snatch your child out of your own backyard (my sheriff's department says "It happens all the time".)

Check the sexual predator database regularly and know who they are and where they live. ONCE THEY FINISH THEIR PROBATION, THEY MAY COME OFF THE LIST. Of course, that doesn't mean they are no longer a threat.

[Fleshdancer]

9. THAT is such a big pet peeve of mine

Growing up, I was told to never have my name on the outside of my backpack or clothing for that very reason and then I grow up to see parents with their kiddie vanity stickers plastered all over their minivan. WTF? You can love and support your kids without announcing to the city what their name, school and interests are on the back of your car.

I'm so glad your local sheriff's dept is saying what I've been thinking for years.

[BoneDaddy]

2. Good Stuff

Typically predators are very charming people, especially with children. Thanks for info.

[helderheid]

3. Kicked, Recommended, and printed.

Thank you!

[elehhhhna]

4. Excellent job, thank you. Can I suggest one more thing?

Really a change to one listed--if the child is lost in public, go to a MOM or a Grandma. Studies show that women stay with lost children until the parents are found. Men don't.

[pitohui]

5. in these days when women too are being accused, no, don't go to a "mom" either

the kid can go to a police officer, i will no longer interact w. an unknown child, i feel bad about it, but parents are on their own, the climate of hysteria is not worth the risk and some children do imagine things

things i once took for granted, such as picking up a small child that i saw fall down and no other adults immediately around, i would never do today

there is simply no upside for me to assist in such a situation

[helderheid]

6. One of the predators they caught in that sting WAS a police officer

who showed up with guns, rope, and a saw.

[karash]

7. .

I really wouldn't be all that concerned. When you have a grown man pretending to be a child in a chatroom, and their purpose is to entrap an adult into coming to see them for sex so that they can make an arrest, they are going to say and do things that it is highly unlikely your child would ever say or do. Police and newspapers love the tawdry tales they can come up with when they actually manage to trick someone somewhere, but there were never any actual children involved, and there is a huge difference between a person being entrapped into going to visit someone who has enticed them, and going out of their way to rape a normal child. A HUGE difference. There is also a difference between a 15 year old girl in an adult sex chatroom looking to get laid (what the police in this story were apparently pretending to be--the utter sickos) and a child that you otherwise encounter in your public or private life.

[Jeanette in FL]

11. I think you might have missed understood the article

Quoting from the article:

Since the beginning of November, a team of six to eight staffers from Perverted Justice frequented North Florida's chatrooms.

The staffers posed as local teenage boys and girls between 13 and 15 years old, Dateline NBC producer Meade Jorgensen said Tuesday. The men entered the online chat rooms and engaged in sexually graphic conversations with the Perverted Justice staffers who posed as minors. The Perverted Justice staffers never initiated conversations or meetings with the men, an official from the organization said.

I have read logs of the chats and some go for a long time before the mention of sex comes up and there has never been an instance where the undercover person starts the conversations.

I don't think that police dept. or newspapers make up tawdry tales to trick these "poor" pedophiles.

It is important for parents, grandparents, guardians of our children to have as many tools as possible to protect our children.

[Fleshdancer]

10. I tell my daughter to find a mom instead of a police officer

statistically she'll have a better chance going to a mom. Not just for the predetory aspect, but because mothers will spend more time with the child to help them find their parent. As a mom, if I ever found a lost child, I wouldn't take my eyes off of him/her until I knew they were safe...I don't care if a police officer arrives, I'll stay.

[Midlodemocrat]

8. And they should NEVER go to a 'uniformed officer' in the mall

for instance. John Wayne Gacy and Kenneth Parnell both worked as security officers.

Your advice is excellent. Go to a mom. I 'found' a lost child once and I didn't leave that child until we found his mom. I can't think of any moms that I know that would refuse to help a lost child.