Hastert Bans Computers in Wake of Masturgate :-)

[bustarbusto]

House Outlaws Computers in Wake of Masturgate

By Ion Zwitter, Avant News Editor
Washington, D.C., February 12, 2007

'Speaker of the House Dennis ("Denny") Hastert announced yesterday that the U.S. House of Representatives has banned all computers, BlackBerries, modern cell phones and other electronic communications devices from its offices and related premises. Under the new, tough, bipartisan ban that passed with nearly unanimous approval by both parties, Members of Congress are forbidden access to any device that could potentially be used in the transmission of unsavory emails or instant messages to underage individuals in their employ.

"It's our duty as Members to protect our nation's children," Speaker Hastert said, "in particular the adorable gaggle of nattily dressed, sardonically witty young congressional pages with great haircuts who have been entrusted to Congress in loco pubertis to serve their country and learn the ins and outs, the plumbing, if you will, of this great body politic. And we're not going to let terrorist-coddling Democrats stand in the way of strengthening the security of our pages and our country any longer."'

Full article...

[whistle]

1. Denny, computers are not pedophiles, adult people are!

[gatorboy]

Sounds to me that Hastert might know about a few more bad apples.

Otherwise why make this change? Foley's gone already.

Unless there are a few more fellow Congressmen he's not too sure about.

[gatorboy]

2. Sounds to me that Hastert might know about a few more bad apples.

Otherwise why make this change? Foley's gone already.

Unless there are a few more fellow Congressmen he's not too sure about.

[Chipper Chat]

3. Hastert bans water in US Capitol.

Hastert wants to show he's tough on keeping House members straight. Since Foley drank water, according to Denny, he can't rule out its influence in possibly contributing to the elevated hormone levels of congressmen in the presence of male pages. That INCLUDES BOTTLED WATER per Hastert. Denny is confident members will respect his decision and will wait until the House adjourns to drink up.
This did not sit well with all members, however. One Congressman, which we wont name, was quoted as saying. "Well, hell, if Hastert can live without water because he's a camel, then let him. I'll show the MFer. On break, I'll just go in the rest room and sneak a shot of toilet water."

[TahitiNut]

4. So, the "tubes" of the Internets are actually Foley catheters!

:rofl:

What better appliance for pissing and moaning?

[Armstead]

5. Ummm..Satire Alert

[helderheid]

6. Denny. It's the PEDOPHILES, STUPID!

NOT the pages
NOT the computers

THE PEDOPHILES.