His Master's Voice (why I don't give a @#$! how many OBL tapes surface)

Plaid Adder

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Fri Jan-20-06 05:49 PM
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His Master's Voice (why I don't give a @#$! how many OBL tapes surface)

Edited on Fri Jan-20-06 05:51 PM by Plaid Adder

Oh, look, another tape from Osama Bin Laden.

You know what, George? I know you and Rove are probably very excited, because as your campaign staff explicitly stated during the 2004 election, "anything that makes Americans fear for their safety helps" you. So it does not surprise me that you are sitting there by the Victrola, your ears cocked as you listen greedily to the voice that has been so good to you both. The voice that has always meant security and safety to you and your cronies, the voice that amplifies your petulant narcissism until it sounds like statesmanship, the voice that tells you to go on doing what you're doing because that's what makes you America's savior.

To us, the voice may be saying, "We are bringing death and destruction into America's heartland;" but what you hear is very different. Good boy. That's what you hear. Good boy. Keep barking. Keep lifting your leg on civil liberties and the constitution. Sit. Speak. Stay the course.

You need that voice. You need it to tell you that you are only destroying America in order to save it. You need it to tell you that all of your greed, cowardice, stupidity and incompetence is really firm resolve. If Osama Bin Laden didn't exist, you would have to invent him. In fact, if at any point he ceased to exist, you probably would invent him. In fact, well, given that none of us has met the man in person, we only have your government's word for it that you aren't inventing him. And personally I don't trust anything your government tells me any more.

But that's not the only reason that I don't give a shit what Osama Bin Laden, or his voice double, has to say.

I don't give a shit because it doesn't make a difference. If Osama Bin Laden is in fact dead, and you are keeping his shadow alive just to scare people with, it doesn't really matter. There are now thousands more people out there advancing his cause than there were on 9/11/01, and thanks to you they have a whole new country and thousands of tons of explosives to play with. Go you.

If Osama Bin Laden is still alive, well, maybe this tape might help us figure out what he might be planning for an encore, and then it would matter a great deal. Unfortunately, nothing your administration has done since 9/11 gives me any confidence that your government is capable of preventing a terrorist attack. Unless this tape says, in some portion that has not yet been translated, "Dear President Bush, the attack will take place at midnight on Thursday, January 26, at the top of the Washington Monument, please remember that this is a black tie event, RSVP Mon. Jan 23 at the latest," it is not going to be any use to the now grievously bloated but still apparently inadequate Department of Homeland Security. The CIA and DoD are no doubt torturing detainees in Gitmo as we speak, but since the evidence so far suggests that the detainees in Gitmo know as much about the current workings of Al Qaeda as Jenna does, I don't see how that's going to help. As for the NSA, it is too busy data mining American citizens' phone calls and sending spybots trawling through the DU archives to pay much attention to Osama. The DHS has apparently gotten tired of going to orange alert anyway.

So really, what does this tape mean? It means that Osama Bin Laden is determined to attack within the U.S. Well, you knew that on August 6, 2001. Or at least you should have. As I recall, someone briefed you on it at some point. Course you were on vacation in Crawford at the time, and after a full day clearing brush, I suppose your brain is a mite addled. Anyhow, if knowing that then didn't help you prevent September 11, I don't see how it's going to help prevent whatever this tape claims is in the works.

OK, well, maybe it would matter because we could brace ourselves for a major disaster and respond with lighting speed and disaster-neutralizing efficiency! Forewarned is forearmed! Federal Emergency Management Agency powering up and ready to spring into action at a moment's notice, right? Right?

(crickets chirp, while in the distance the wind whispers, "Katrinaaaaaaaaa...")

Guess not.

Well, does this tell us maybe anything about the larger geopolitical context of the war on terror? Uh...well, it tells us that Osama and Al Qaeda hate us. Like that's news. It's just like before 9/11, only now they have company.

Anyway you slice it, George, to me and to the rest of this country, what Osama has to say JUST. DOESN'T. MATTER. It doesn't matter because we already knew we were targets--and because we already knew that if we survive this dangerous period in American history, it will be in spite of your administration and not because of it.

But you go on listening, George. I know how it makes your heart sing. You sit there with your tongue hanging out, listening to your master's voice. It must make Osama glad to know that at least one person in this country is happy to hear from him.

@#$!,

The Plaid Adder