Osama 1/06 press release (first draft; internal eyes only).

[bleever]

To: Susan R.
Re: UBL "PSA" 01/06; initial draft

(Sue: I think the boss will find that I not only hit all the TP's here, but I've leveraged the product placement to benefit friendly media ops. LMK.)


"OBL": "Hello everyone. Welcome to the program. And...we've got a lot to talk about. I mean, we have a lot to discuss because of this wonderful news coming out of Washington D.C., where members of the Democrat Party are speaking with words to comfort and appease the jihadists and mujahadeen and holy martyrs and suiciders! Praise be to Allah for the senators from Massachusetts, and Nevada, and California! Also, to my old friend Jack M.: love ya, bro.


Now for a quick word about sponsors: 1-800-BOUQUETS sucks! Take it from me, Osama, I wanted to get a bouquet to my second cousin Fatima's daughter's graduation party, and it arrived too early and the fresh virginal flush was gone from the blossoms! I say that, God willing, fire should rain down on those who dial the unholy number, or make use of the internet and click the small microphone in the upper corner to enter the name of their favorite infidel radio personality!


Now, back to today's amazing developments, where the Democrat Party (long may they live) have continued to comfort us by calling the president Bush a liar, and poor of planning, and thus given much encouragement to the dark-haired warriors of Islam. In addition, they succeed in strangling open debate in their society by clogging it with vile words like "plantation" and "chocolate city". You, the faithful, know what I'm talking about.


So we gotta take a break, but when we come back we will be talking (God willing) with Chuck E. Schumer (and we all know that the E stands for "Encouraging the ones who despise our freedoms"), and we'll have an exclusive interview with an instrument of God's will to crush the infidels, and she herself is an infidel. Stay tuned for that interview with an ACLU representative and a whole lot more, here on the Osama bin Laden show."



(Sue: I know this is a bold move to promote my OBL radio show treatment; if I need to dial it back a bit before it sees K's eyes, please LMK.)

[DS1]

1. Let's not glorify this asshole

please

[MrSlayer]

2. LOL!

That'll be Rove's next move. Ladies and Gentlemen, taking over for Howard Stern mornings......Osama Bin Laden!

[bleever]

3. See this thread about voice-morphing:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=364&topic_id=183367&mesg_id=183367

Of course, the quality of the tape is so bad, it's impossible to prove it isn't him.

:)

[MrSlayer]

6. I have read it.

I have no doubt this "tape" is absolute bullshit designed to attack opponents of the war and Chimp's policies.

[bleever]

7. Glad I'm not the only one.

:)

[No Exit]

4. ROFLMAO!!! A masterpiece!!

And you get extra kudos for waiting till after the month of August to introduce this new product, since we know August isn't a good time to introduce new products!:)

[bleever]

5. As your Bob Dylan said, "If you ain't got nothing,

then market it very wisely"!


Thanks for the laugh.

[EFerrari]

8. Maybe you could get Al Gore to do a phoner.

Good one, bleever.

[bleever]

9. Damn! I meant to fit him in there. Okay, here:

"Later on this hour, we'll here from Algore, who we all know harbors hate against the Bush for getting fewer votes, and has now with God's grace found a way to insert himself into the headlines while simultaneously undermining those who truly understand the new kind of enemy America faces.

And later in this hour, a look at Quakers: supporting global Islamofascism by having meetings where oatmeal cookies are served.

It's all coming up here, on the OBL show. Don't go away."

[EFerrari]

10. LOL!

What a huge future in radio you have.

:rofl:

[bleever]

11. Or, a high-priced consultant to the WH, making sure that our enemies

look scary enough to justify imprisoning all dissenters and suspending the Constitution while claiming to protect it.

Maybe I'd better go for the radio thing.

:)

[Patsy Stone]

12. Osama, you're my favorite terrorist

Thanks for taking my call. Could you settle a debate I'm having with my friends? Boxers or briefs?

:hi:

[bleever]

13. "Thanks for the question. You're a great American.

"The answer is that while I used to favor the tighty-whities, I recently switched to honor one who has given comfort to Al Qaeda by insisting on fairness in voting, your Senator Boxer.

"Next caller: Grover in D.C., go ahead."