Do you know anyone who's had an abortion and regretted it?

[survivor999]

I know a few women who had abortions and did not regret it. They did not regret it because they did not want the baby to start with. It was an accident. Please, if you respond "yes" elaborate on why they said they regretted it. Thanks.

[blonndee]

1. Like you, I know women who had abortions

and did not regret it. They weren't particularly happy about it, but feel they made the best decision given the circumstances.

[jwirr]

9. That about describes me.

[smokey nj]

2. None of my friends who've had abortions express any regret.

[Mandate My Ass]

3. we do things we regret every day

that shouldn't mean we should be denied choices, even ones that pain us later.

I don't know anybody who's had an abortion and regretted it. One woman told me she was afraid to tell her husband she had an abortion many years before she met him when she was single, because she felt he would think less of her. He's rather conservative. But she was very grateful she had it, and wants that option for her daughter.

[Ilsa]

5. I know a conservative Catholic woman who wants the option

for her two daughters. And this woman works with disabled children, but she can still see how hard it is, and why people may want another choice.

[Mandate My Ass]

My late grandmother was a devout Catholic

who believed in abortion, no questions asked. She was my hero and I miss her. She had a way of looking at things that was unique and I wish she was alive so I could ask her what she thinks of this current mess our country finds itself in. I know she'd have a reasoned answer.

[wicket]

23. Sounds like she was a pretty amazing lady

:hug:

[Mandate My Ass]

8. My late grandmother was a devout Catholic

who believed in abortion, no questions asked. She was my hero and I miss her. She had a way of looking at things that was unique and I wish she was alive so I could ask her what she thinks of this current mess our country finds itself in. I know she'd have a reasoned answer.

[goclark]

46. I agree.it should still be an option.

[HiFructosePronSyrup]

4. I've known women who've had "back alley" abortions...

and they regretted not having the opportunity for getting a proper one.

[HamdenRice]

6. My ex-wife and I

When I was young and dating the woman who became my wife and then ex-wife, she got pregnant. I was in graduate school, and she was starting a career as an engineer, so she had an abortion.

Several years later, we got married. Later she became ill with an auto-immune disease that eliminated her fertility. We both realized that her pregnancy had been her last chance to have a child. A few years after that, we divorced for other reasons, although recriminations over that abortion played a role. Neither of us have ever had children, something we both regretted for a long time.

Recently though, I have concluded that one of the best things that ever happened to me was that I did not have children!

Of course, this does not mean I am opposed to the right to abortion; but I do think that sometimes people making the decision to have an abortion don't think about it as carefully as they should.

[survivor999]

38. Like with everything else

It is very hard to anticipate the consequences of events. That's why the question of whether people regretted it later on is a good one. Perhaps some people thought they would regret it and they did not. And vice versa.

[Ilsa]

7. The only regrets I've ever heard was that they needed one in the first

place. There was a little shame in getting getting pregnant, sometimes due to lack of knowledge about biology or how birth control might fail. But none ever expressed regret about the abortion itself.

[karlrschneider]

12. I started to write what you did almost verbatim.

...

[uppityperson]

13. excellent succinct reply. Thank you

[jwirr]

15. Yes.

[lukasahero]

24. Exactly what I was going to say

[porphyrian]

10. I reject the premise of the poll.

The women I know who have had abortions don't simply feel one way or another about it, it's very complicated. If I answer yes, it appears to say that they would've done things differently. If I say no, it doesn't address the feelings of regret they may have had.

[Bretttido]

22. Agreed

[Bridget Burke]

28. To say "no regrets" might mean someone took abortion lightly....

I don't know anyone who blithely had an abortion & promptly forgot it.

But the ladies who made that decision realized that, all things considered, they did the right thing.

[porphyrian]

32. Exactly, it's much more complicated than an up or down poll. - n/t

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

11. No and, furthermore,

I know at least four women who had abortions and then, years later, went on to have perfectly normal, healthy, wanted children. And keep in mind abortion is still illegal in Brazil.

[survivor999]

18. I did not know abortion was illegal in Brazil n/t

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

20. There are exceptions for rape and life risk to the mother

The courts recently decided to extend that exceptions to anencephalic fetuses. The fundies cried bloody murder. The outcome of that is still undefined AFAIK.

Edit: The fundies won. Three months later, the court decision was reversed. :mad:

[Megahurtz]

45. I heard they have some good herbs in Brazil

and I hope the women there know this. They work!

[JuniperLea]

14. Several

A lady I work with says it haunts her every day of her life. She is ultra protective of her son too.

One of my sisters says she thinks of the child that might have been whenever she looks at her kids.

The only person I know who does not regret it is a friend of mine who gave birth to a lovely girl with multiple birth defects and lived for 11 agonizing years. She became pregnant again and when told the baby would not be normal, she had an abortion. She still thinks of the child, but is happy to know she spared her a life like her big sister had. It is for this reason, and the fact that I will never support a government dictating what I can do with my womb, that I am pro-choice.

I still feel very strongly that abortion as a form of birth control is disgusting, selfish and wrong. But I fully support a woman's right to do that.

[WePurrsevere]

16. There are many reasons for regret, You might regret a situation that lead

to a choice but not the choice itself if you believe that it was the right choice made given the situation and information you had at that time.

[survivor999]

49. Excellent distinction. n/t

[Control-Z]

17. My mother died from an abortion.

My regret is that she did not have access to a safe and legal one. I believe she would say the same.

[survivor999]

19. Sorry to hear that

:(

[Solly Mack]

21. I believe she would have too

[Control-Z]

34. Thanks Solly

You know that is something I do not say lightly. I believe it with all my heart. Her circumstances brought her to a decision she felt necessary. I will always stand behind her for her decision and for her courage.

[meatloaf]

25. A friend of mine who I had known since I was 7 got his girlfriend pregnant

when they were in their late teens. They decided on an abortion at that time. They later married and had three more children but the mother said she was haunted by dreams of what if and wondered whether it might have been a boy (all their other children were girls).

As an aside... this couple was very troubled. They were very heavy into the recreational drug scene, ultimatley divorced, and ultimately lost custody of the other three girls.

Witnessing the dissolution of their's and their children's lives, I often wonder if the aborted child wasn't the lucky one.

[elehhhhna]

26. surv, your polls been freeped. 22 "yes" w/ not one post?

[survivor999]

27. Probably true.

I still learning from the responses though.

[Bethany Rockafella]

29. I don't know of any woman that had one.

Which is good because that is personal.

[Xithras]

30. Two women.

The first was my sister. She was OK with it until her first son was born. She became very depressed afterwards, and couldn't hold him without crying because she said it made her realize what she'd terminated. She eventually went on antidepressants and got over it, but to this day she's viciously anti-abortion.

The other is a friend had an abortion at 16 and ended up infertile. It's kind of obvious why she regretted it.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

31. I have one friend who got an abortion after being raped

She is not sorry she did it, especially since it was way back in the old days, but she never married or had children and gets occasional twinges of regret about that.

[noonwitch]

33. I know women who regret it and women who don't

A couple of my friends have had them-one regrets it a little, one doesn't.

A college friend of mine had one-it's the only time in my life I advised someone to have one. The day she found out she was pregnant, she went out and drank the good part of a fifth of Jack Daniels. The next day, my catholic roommate talked her into cancelling her appointment. When she told me that if she had an abortion, she would be killing her baby, I told her "You killed your baby last night. The abortion is just a formality at this point". I know that was cold, but it was true. She later got married and had a family. She also developed severe diabetes in her first term pregnancy, so it probably would have been worse then, considering the amount of alcohol she was consuming.

My cousin had an illegal one that she almost died from before Roe. She regrets it for so many reasons that it is difficult to separate them all.

I've mentioned this before-I knew two girls in high school who got pregnant. One disappeared for a semester and gave her baby up for adoption. The other had an abortion.

I saw the girl who had her baby and gave it up at my 20 year reunion. She is a happily married, college-educated woman with a couple of kids in school. She has a good and happy life.

The other girl was stabbed to death in a laundromat in the "bad" neighborhood a couple of years after high school. She had fallen on hard times and it was rumored that she had become a prostitute and a drug addict. It should be noted that in school, both girls had similar reputations for promiscuity and both had pretty bad family situations.

I mention the two different situations because whereas I do support the legality of abortion, I don't think that it is a good thing, I just think it is sometimes a necessary thing, and it's not an issue that the government should be deciding for women. I think any woman who had an abortion would have some regrets, especially if the pregnancy was the result of youthful stupidity and the woman never had any children when she was older.

[sinkingfeeling]

35. I know of no one who regrets having gotten an abortion. All of my

friends and family members and myself, who had abortions firmly believe that we made the correct choice. I attended the funeral of the man who was the 'father' last October. It was the only time I really thought about the abortion I had in 1977. There is no one, including any body's god, that will convince me that I didn't do the most merciful thing. I was taking methotextrate at the time. Check out what my 'baby' would have been born without and then try to say an abortion of a 5 week old embryo wasn't the kindest, most loving thing I could have done.

Personally, I get PO'ed by all those who say women live with their 'regrets' and are depressed by their own decisions. It somehow implies that we're too mentally fragile or stupid to make rational decisions. Bet there are more males out there who 'regret' listening to their stock broker's tips than women regretting decisions regarding pregnancy!

[mrreowwr_kittty]

36. That depends on what the regret is over

Regret the actual abortion or that she got into the position to have to get one? I know no one of the former but a few of the latter.

[izzybeans]

37. No one takes an abortion lightly.

Most people I know have fleeting "what if" regrets but think it was the best decision they could have made at the time.

So I answered yes. Sure.

At least two of my friends feel highly stigmatized because of it, and that is their only regret. They hide that fact about themselves, and one of them to their current spouse. What can I say living in a state with "right to life" bill boards every 25 miles on the highway can do that to you.

[Greyhound]

39. Know about a dozen women that have confided in me and none

regret the decision, although two regret the circumstances that led to the decision. :dilemma:

[Sapphocrat]

40. Yes.

Because she was 16, and realized both how careless she had been, and how lucky she had been not to get pregnant before.

And because she knew she wanted children of her own someday. When we were well into our 20s, she would occasionally say to me, "Just think, that kid would have been X years old by now."

Which is neither an endorsement nor a condemnation of abortion, or of choice. Or maybe it is an endorsement. Were it not for her ability to get a safe and legal abortion at 16 (without parental consent, mind you), she might not be the happily married mother of three she is today. She might not even be alive.

Sign me,

100% Anti-Abortion, 100% Pro-Choice

P.S. The number of women I've known who have not regretted having abortions far outweighs the one I knew who did. In fact, two of my ex-girlfriends had abortions. Both had been raped. Both had been virgins before being raped.

[crim son]

41. Although the topic rarely comes up in conversation,

in all my life I've never heard any regret over doing what was absolutely necessary at the time. Women don't have abortions for entertainment purposes, and most do not have them without thinking very deeply about the ramifications.

After my one abortion I had one dream about the baby. It was a son. He forgave me, though I had never felt regret for my action then or since. Still, the dream was a sweet one.

[knitter4democracy]

42. My RA my freshman year of college.

She even spoke about it in chapel. Yeah, it was an evangelical college. *sigh*

I always wondered if she really regretted it, though, or if she really didn't but felt like she had to act like she did.

[DireStrike]

43. We didn't have a long conversation about it or anything.

She just regrets it.

Of course it's easy to regret things from the comfort of an alternate future. I can't imagine a world in which she, a 14 year old, would have raised her child, regrets or no.

My mother also had an abortion, and does not regret it. I felt I should vote yes, as it's the "underdog" choice here.

[MrsMatt]

44. yes & no

I know someone who has had two abortions - the first she doesn't regret (the father was an ass)

the second abortion she does have some regrets - she married the father 2 1/2 years after the abortion. No regrets until she had children (9 and 19 years after marriage); she fell so in love with her children, she has had many thoughts of who this first child would have been. But, she also feels had this child been born, she & her husband would not have married, and their current children wouldn't have been born.

[Jazzgirl]

47. Not one of them, and I know several including family.

They didn't want it and weren't prepared to handle it so they made a conscious choice. No regrets either.

[yella_dawg]

48. Yes

A dear friend was forced to have an abortion in a motel room in 1971. Incest. She was thirteen. She is now sterile and regrets the botched back-alley abortion a great deal.