Dick Morris joke thread: Who was Dick's worst date ever?

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This gal!

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1. Who is Dick Morris' Primary care physician?

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2. Why did Dick break up with his first girlfriend?

Because she was callous!

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3. Why couldn't Dick kiss his prom date?

Because he was wearing one of these:

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4. Why does Dick hate the Clintons so much?

Because they named their cat "Socks", and he likes his toes bare. (all that sock lint interferes with his tongue)

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5. David Letterman's "Top Ten Dick Morris Excuses":

http://www.cbs.com/latenight/lateshow/top_ten/archive/ls_topten_archive1996/ls_topten_archive_19960902.shtml

Top Ten Dick Morris Excuses (Sept. 02, 1996)


10. Shouldn't have listened to new campaign advisor Hugh Grant

9. Was courting the often-neglected "Hooker demographic"

8. After a day of being a two-faced political weasel, a fella gets awful lonely

7. Thought she was just there to show him how to use the hotel's Craftmatic adjustable bed

6. Misunderstood when President Clinton asked him to "poll some women"

5. Didn't pay for sex -- paid for excellent ideas on foreign policy

4. For a brief moment, got confused and thought he was the President

3. Just trying to win key endorsement from Charlie Sheen

2. Used the old formula: Marion Barry and hookers = re-election

1. Always thought it was okay to screw a taxpayer

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6. Dick promised his wife not to drink WHICH kind of sherry?

Sherry Rowlands.


http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/local/longterm/tours/scandal/morris.htm

Sherry Rowlands, the suddenly famous Virginia call girl, is taking all the credit for the downfall of presidential adviser Dick Morris. She says the Republicans had nothing to do with it.

"The only person in the world I knew politically was Dick Morris," she told the syndicated tabloid show "Hard Copy" in her first television interview. "Who do you call? I mean . . . you don't go in the phone book and look up Bob Dole." The two-part "Hard Copy" interview is scheduled to air on Baltimore's Channel 2 tonight and tomorrow night at 12:05 a.m. .

As for Morris's downfall, Rowlands said: "Someone as intelligent as he is should have kept his lip buttoned when he unzipped his pants. I mean, how can you maneuver worlds, and he can't even control what he's doing in his own room with a paid lady?"

Morris's resignation was announced hours before President Clinton delivered his acceptance speech at the Democratic National Convention last Thursday night. His departure came after the Star, a supermarket tabloid, published allegations by the $200-an-hour prostitute that she had a long-running relationship with Morris. The Star, which says it paid Rowlands less than $50,000 for the story, made her available to "Hard Copy." A spokesman for the program, which often pays for interviews, declined to say whether Rowlands was paid.

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7. What does Dick enjoy even more than the "joy of victory"?

The agony of da-FEET.

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8. What does Dick like reading better than the GOP political playbook?

[LynneSin]

9. You gotta laugh at the fact that now he rights crap for the right wing

It's like as long as you badmouth the Clintons no one really cares that you're a toe-sucking whoremonger

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10. How are Dick Morris' OpEds and GOP talking points like bunions?

They're both hard to swallow.

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11. Dick's Baby Photo:

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12. Dick has friends in the Animal Kingdom:

http://www.animaladvocates.com/images/CARDS/Cards,%20Archie%20sucking%20his%20toe.JPG

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13. Why Dick is Pro-Life:

Even at 26-weeks, a fetus enjoys a good toe-suck.

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14. Dick LOVES Country music! His Favorite Band?

http://www.toesuckingcowgirls.com.au/

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15. Why does Dick like Global Warming?

Because when the earth gets hot, we'll all go barefoot.

[Spirochete]

16. Dick's idea of hell

Being stranded on a deserted island with Tammy Duckworth.

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17. "Knock, knock!"

Dick Morris: "Knock, Knock!"

npincus: "Who's there?"

Dick Morris: "It's me, Dick."

npincus: "Dick Who?"

Dick Morris: "Dick Morris. Hey, watcha wearing?"

npincus: "A black t-shirt and gym shorts."

Dick Morris: "No. Lower."

npincus: "Uh, sneakers."

Dick Morris: "Mmmmmm. Whatcha wearing UNDER the sneakers?"

npincus: "What the FUCK? UNDER my sneakers?"

Dick Morris: "Yeah, baby. Watcha got on? Those little fuzzy gymn socks, or maybe something with a little synthetic- ooh, those are so nice and stretchy when I take my..."

npincus: "What the fuck is WRONG with you? Are you some kind of fucking PERVERT?"

Dick Morris: "Ooooh yeah, those stretchy little socks... I'll pull them off and take a mouthful of little pink, moist toes when I bend down on my..."

npincus: "Get away from my door, you SICK FUCK!!! Or I'm calling the cops!"

Dick Morris: "Uh Uh Uh Uh... Ooooh Mmmmmm succulent toes....

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18. I Just SENT this thread to Dick Morris!

:rofl:

My email:

Dear Vote.com,

This message board had some great material for your site- take a look:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=364x1734930#1737303

Regards,

A Vote.com Fan

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19. From Dick:

"This receipt verifies that the message has been displayed on the recipient's computer at 7/26/2006 5:42 PM"


:rofl: