|
Edited on Wed Jun-28-06 06:27 PM by Chichiri
Something I put together quite a while ago, with the help of some DU'ers, and recently re-discovered in my archives. Feel free to add to this. (Also feel free to take credit for any of these items!)
REPUBLICANS ON THE ISSUES
CONSTITUTIONAL ISSUES
* The NRA is good because it defends the Constitution. The ACLU is bad because it defends the Constitution.
DRUGS
* Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime. Unless you're a conservative talk radio host, in which case it's an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.
* Drugs and group sex are degenerate sins, unless you someday run for governor of California as a Republican.
ECONOMY
* Giving billions of dollars to the riches 1% of Americans will boost the economy, but raising the minimum wage to give more money to the working poor will cause rampant inflation.
* Bush's tax cuts, billions of dollars spent in wars and nation building have nothing to do with the deficit.
* Communism was not a viable system, but only the sheer genius of Ronald Reagan was able to defeat it.
* The middle class should be taxed more, and be given much less in reutrn, whether they donate to our campaigns or not.
EDUCATION
* The top priority in education is keeping condoms out of schools. That way adolescents won't have sex.
* The next highest priority is putting prayer in schools, as long as they're not praying to Allah or Buddha.
* A $1,000 school voucher will allow a poor, minority student with a disciplinary history and failing grades to be admitted into an elite private school.
* Spending $40 billion a year for the Department of Education is not worth it. Spending $87 billion to rebuild the country we just spent additional billions of dollars bombing, on the other hand, is good policy.
* Children should only be educated enough for menial work, or entry into the armed forces.
ENVIRONMENT
* Breathing dirty air, drinking dirty water, the melting of the polar ice caps and other ecological problems are good for you and good for business. Liberals, on the other hand, are a threat to humanity.
FOREIGN RELATIONS
* Our highest national priority is enforcing the resolutions against Iraq set by the United Nations, which the United States should get out of.
* Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, then a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, then a good guy when Cheney did business with him, then a bad guy when Bush stopped caring about bin Laden.
* Republicans that sell missiles to our enemies deserve to be on Mount Rushmore.
* Socialism hasn't worked anywhere. Europe doesn't exist.
FOREIGN TRADE
* Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is Communist and oppressive. Trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.
FREEDOM OF INFORMATION
* The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George Bush's driving record is none of our business.
* What Bill Clinton did in the '60s is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the 80s is irrelevant.
GOVERNMENT REGULATION
* Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.
* Government should relax regulation of Big Business and Big Money, but crack down on individuals who use marijuana to relieve the pain of illness.
* Government should not interfere in business. Unless your oil company, corporation or S&L is about to go broke, in which case you need a government bail-out.
* Multi-national corporations should not be regulated, as they can be trusted to make decisions that affect all mankind, in the same way that a woman cannot be trusted with decisions about her own body.
* Government should stay out of peoples' lives, and should regulate access to birth control and what the official language should be.
HEALTH CARE
* HMOs have the interest of the public at heart, as do insurance companies.
HONESTY
* If a president lies to cover an extramarital affair, that's an impeachable offense. If a president lies to enlist support for a war in which thousands die, that's solid defense policy.
HUMAN RIGHTS
* A zygote has exactly the same rights as its mother -- which is to say, neither one has a right to food, or shelter, or financial support of any kind.
INDUSTRY
* The agricultural, restaurant, housing and hotel industries can easily survive without immigrant labor.
MILITARY
* The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches while slashing combat pay and veterans' benefits.
PATRIOTISM
* "Standing Tall for America" means firing your workers and moving their jobs to India.
RELIGION
* Jesus loves you, loves the death penalty, and hates homosexuals, AIDS victims and Hillary Clinton.
SCIENCE
* Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are bogus sciences, but creationism should be taught in schools.
STATES' RIGHTS
* Republicans support states' rights, which means that John Ashcroft can tell states what local voter initiatives they have a right to adopt.
* Moving from one state to another to run for Senator in that state is bad when Hillary moves to New York, but good when Alan Keyes moves to Illinois.
TERRORISM
* A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies, then demand their cooperation and money.
|
Printer-friendly format
Email this thread to a friend
Bookmark this thread
(1000+ posts)
Send PM |
Profile |
Ignore
