The demise of John Kondejewski

[CatWoman]

Kimberly was married to John for 17 years, and they had two children.

John was in the Canadian Army, and treated his family like they were his very own recruits.

He was a blatant whoring womanizer, and made his wife work two jobs in order to keep him living in the manner in which he was accustomed.

He spent lavishly on himself and his mistress, but didn't extend his generosity to his family. As a matter of fact, the two jobs were the only contact with the outside world that John permitted her to have. He bullied Kimberly unmercifully, beat her, took nude pictures of her and used them as blackmail toward her, made her have sex with his friends, and constantly belittled her at every turn.

John got into the position where he was spending way too much above his means. His solution? He ordered Kimberly to kill herself so that he could collect the life insurance.

Kimberly set out to do what John ordered, but something in her wouldn't let her carried out the despicable act. She rented a car and intended to crash head on with an incoming truck. She chickened out. When she returned home, John was furious and in a fit of anger, told her that if she didn't carry out the "suicide" as ordered, he would kill the children.
He even set a deadline of May 15th, as he had many bills due by that date.

Kimberly snapped.

John left the house to meet his mistress at a shooting range. Kimberly sent the children away. She laid in wait in their dark bedroom for John's return.

When John came home to an empty house, he walked into the bedroom and was met with two shotgun blasts to his upper body. He was killed instantly. Kimberly then turned the shotgun on herself, but survived.

She left a suicide note to her children, asking their forgiveness for killing their father.

She was immediately arrested while on her hospital bed and charged with murder. During the trial, the lurid details came out.

The jury deliberated for one hour. They clearly connected with Kimberly. She was found not guilty, and the entire courtroom erupted in celebration.

When I first heard of this story, I kept wondering: could Kimberly have sought and found help with her predicament? Was murdering John her only out? It is a sin to harm one's self, but it's an even bigger sin to take another life.

Let's be clear on one thing, however: I have NO sympathy for John. But I don't condone murder, either. No matter what a complete waste of life the victim was.

[1monster]

1. One of the first things an abuser will do is to cut the ties his quarry

has with other people. The victim of domestic abuse is left feeling helpless, hopeless, and totally alone.

Another method of control used by the abuser and at the same time that all outside ties are being terminated is to undermine the victim's self respect (clearly done with the nude photos, forcing her to have sex with his friends, and the beatings). The victim is made to believe that it is ALL her OWN fault.

In the end, he ordered her to kill herself, telling her he would kill her children if she didn't.

It is possible, that had Kondejewski NOT threatened the children, Kimberly might not have killed him. However, when he threatened the children, she was left with a choice. She had to chose whether to do as he demanded or protect her children.

I doubt that she had any idea that there was help to be found anywhere. She had been isolated except for her job. She would have been to ashamed to ever confide in coworkers.

They call this Battered Woman Syndrome and it is real. Many times a woman who has suffered greatly at the hands of her abuser will take whatever is handed out UNTIL the children are threatened and then everything is changed.

What help could she have gotten? She was the victim of domestic abuse. Had she filed charges, chances are that if Kondejewski were arrested, he would have bonded out in 24 hours. Even if she was granted an injuction against him, she would not have been safe. Many women and children have been killed during the period after leaving an abusive situation. Even women's shelters have not always been able to protect women leaving abusive spouses.

I don't condone murder, either. But I'm not sure that this was murder. It looks more like desperate self defence to me. And, apparently, the jury agreed.

edited for punctuaton and grammar...

[CatWoman]

2. yes

the jury did find this to be a case of self defense.