I Just Opened My E-mail And Was Converted To An Evangelcal Christian

[DistressedAmerican]

Have not looked at my site e-mail in a bit. I just opened it and found that some freep appears to have signed me up for GOD SPAM.

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Brad Reiches
Jun 06, 2006


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Freeps can be funny.

Seems like these God Spammers are pretty regular. Since the 6th, they have made sure I received several important teachings including:

"The Treasure Hunt that Comes with a Guarantee!"
"The Kingdom of God is Like...An Elevator" (Yes my brothers, An Elevator!)
"Learning from the Legends: Noah"
"The Bible" (These three are very condensed. Makes Cliff's notes look like War and Peace)
"The Bible: 1"
"The Bible: 2"

Needless to say. Reading through these messages has shown me the error of my evil athiest ways.I'm rapidly becomming a better person through these hypercondensed theology lessons. :dilemma:


Thanks to this mystery freep for saving my soul. That will help you win that "treasurehunt with a guarantee" that you are playing!

Good luck with that my brother (or sister as the case may be) in the Lord... O8)

See you on the "other side"!

:hi:

[dave29]

1. Ye have been saved

congratulations.

[DistressedAmerican]

3. Praise The LORD!

Salvation is GREAT! What a load off of my mind. O8)

[GreenPartyVoter]

2. *lol* You get business offers from "Christian" partners yet? Cause ya know

if they say they are "Christian" you'll get a right fair deal!

[DistressedAmerican]

4. Not yet.

The Christian Singles were after me a while back.

Funny as I'm married. Isn't it a sin to even proposition me like that?

[Hugin]

5. Ah, you've SEEN the LIGHT... BROTHER

Hallelujah! ALMIGHTY be PRAISED!

Now... Here's the plate, GIVE BROTHER! GIVE DEEPLY! (for the LOARD!)

Next week... Intelligent Design.

AMENANATIONS!

[badgerpup]

6. Silly gullible Xtians...

They want to date me, loan me money, sell me cars and real estate...:eyes:
And me a good, goddess-loving, born again and again and again pagan...:rofl:

[DistressedAmerican]

9. Seems I Heard Of A Rapture Site

that will send an automated e-mail to everyone you know that is set to burn in hell after those of us who have seen the light are taken up. That is service.

What would such a message say?

"Too bad to see you'll be burning in hell forever.
If it is any consolation to you, I won't.
Love always, ethereal soul of your loved one
p.s. Told you so!"

[GeorgeGist]

7. It's truly amazing how powerless God is.

S/He can't do anything without man's help. :sarcasm:

[tekriter]

12. and...

And He NEEDS MONEY!

[jobycom]

8. Joyous news, Brother! Now you can do everything you did before, but

now God will forgive you for it! Take this opportunity to commit all those sins you wanted to commit before, but were afraid to because of Karma.

[DistressedAmerican]

10. Don't Speak To ME Of Your Pagan Karma.

I'll be praying for you. You seem to need it! :rofl:

[freesqueeze]

11. Risk of Rapture?

Isn't that what trusses are for?

[magellan]

16. LOL

2X, please, I'm expecting a big rapture!

[noonwitch]

13. That's a funny freeper prank, imo

No one gets hurt, and there is nothing mean or cruel about it.

The fundies who are good people at heart truly believe that you will be happier if you convert to their way of thinking. They don't think they are spreading hate, they think they are spreading love.

[DistressedAmerican]

14. Agreed.

Sure beats the death threat crowd!

[jedicord]

15. "We are building a Religion,

a limited edition. We are widening the corridors and adding more lanes.

To resist us is useless, it's useless to resist us.

We are now accepting callers for these pendant key chains."

Cake!

[gratuitous]

17. I'm not usually a praying man, but if you're up there . . .

Save me, Superman!