Just got back from the Hardware Store with my DIY danger kit.

[democrank]

I shook the last layer of coins out of my coffee can bank and headed to the hardware store for a do-it-yourself danger kit.There are a lot of people here at DU who do not take all these warnings seriously, but I`m going to prepare for D-A-N-G-E-R. We`ve got sharks, runaway alligators, Gays, terrorists, Mexicans, The Dixie Chicks, wannabe climatologists. Worst are the Liberal Marriage Ruiners. They`re busy spreading "tolerance" which will wreck this country. Someone stuck "ONE NATION" into the pledge for a reason. ONE NATION means we are supposed to all look and act alike, not show France we`re some kind of patchwork quilt with loose ends. If God wanted a Rainbow Coalition He would have had it announced on the 700 Club.

The six rolls of duct tape and maple strapping came in handy. I built a huge lawn sign to show I support the troops. NUKE IRAQ!!! NUKE IRAN!!! NUKE MASSACHUSETTS!!! I even built a smaller sign to show support for the CIA, FBI, NSA . CENSOR REPORTERS!!! MAKE IT A FEDERAL CRIME TO REPORT THINGS!!! I was going to paint it in green but I didn`t want to be mistaken for an environmentalist, so I chose black.

Of course we have to torture people. FREEDOM ISN`T FREE!!! In others words, in freedom, not everyone can be free. If a person gets arrested or detained, it`s because he`s guilty. That`s why the Attorney General is so excited about having Verizon and AT&T for a partner. All the innocent people will be given one color card and all the guilty people will have to get stamped or something. Once it`s all sorted out, they`ll just discontinue the program and probably give special privileges to the people in the first group: discounts on National Parks tickets, free bus tokens, that kind of thing.

I`m going to get with the program, even though I unfortunately live in a Very Blue State...Vermont. I`m going to campaign for Diebold machines here and request that we do away with those faulty pencils. I`m going to start writing to our local editor and show my support for The People In Charge.
Those folks know what`s best for us, and when they tell us our marriages are under attack, we`d better sit up and listen. Once we start buying Neil Young CDs and quote from the Geneva Conventions,
we`re ruined. There is so much danger out there, like Cuba, Montessori Schools, National Endowment for the Arts. Thank God Conservatives are running things. If Liberals were in power, they`d probably stick some organic farmer in the Agricultural Department and hire a Minister of Peace.

[Minnesota Libra]

1. I think this is great!! Absolutely wonderful and.............

.....:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[havocmom]

2. So, you write for Colbert?

If not he's missing a good bet.

[Jeffersons Ghost]

3. Kicked and Recommended. you have a true gift democrank!

it's great!

[REACTIVATED IN CT]

4. ANOTHER

:kick:

[Gregorian]

5. Well color me ironic!

I was getting all ready to donate my Guantanamo Bay frequent flyer miles to you. But you redeemed yourself. But black is so unpatriotic. I think Urine Yellow is more appropriate.

Carry on!

PS- No matter what, do not stop being afraid. You danger kit can only accomplish so much.