Sigh... Another Open Letter To Shrub

[ElboRuum]

Dear Mr. Bush,

I'm writing you on behalf of basically the American people at large. You know the ones... the ones you agreed to faithfully execute the office you now hold on their behalf in protection of the Constitution to the best of your ability, yada yada yada... yeah, them. I've been keeping my ear to the street for some time, and I gotta tell ya, pal... they ain't a bunch of happy little red-white-and-blue campers.

No, word on the street is that you're being a chucklehead, and I'm being pretty kind considering the rough synonyms that have been floated around lately.

Now, I know you've been experiencing this kind of abuse since you were appointed... erm... elected in 2000, and I know that for an emotionally and intellectually regressed person, you've got a great resilience against other people's opinions of the quality of your work. Your resume is a great testament to this, being essentially a career order-giver with no real supervision or expectation of results. It also can be well vetted against your military service, which, I think because you'd have had to take orders from drill instructors and other such personages, you decided to, well, just leave without really telling anyone. You are the Decider... you are the head cheese, not some guy with more stripes than you, to be sure, and that quality (you believe) is your strength.

Some of the constituency really does like that about you, but what is alarming is that their numbers grow fewer and fewer, specifically amongst those supporters you have that could be reasonably classified as "possessing reason." But take comfort, George, you still test high among those supporters that could be reasonably classified as "batshit insane." But even these are looking at what you've done for them, quantitatively, of course. I tell ya, George, I was just as surprised as anyone when I found out that "jack shit" was actually a number! It's buried in the margin notes of the first draft of Newton's Philosiphae Naturalis Principia Mathematica, I shit you not. Apparently, it is a number that is sort of like zero... only angrier... and is represented by the symbol: :mad:

As a friend, I've got to tell you, given your latest attempt to drum up support for your foundering presidency, that even these hardcore supporters are taking a step back and giving you those suspicious looks that most of the population have been giving you for some time. I guess that people aren't quite convinced that the sanctity of marriage represents the most pressing issue America faces. And even if it was the most gargantuan crisis the people of this venerable nation has ever had to face, the ones who've been carping about it sure don't seem to think you're the one to deliver, Mr. Decider, since none of their leadership saw fit to attend.

Like the Steely Dan song goes, buddy:

You've been telling me you're a genius since you were seventeen
In all the time I've known you I still don't know what you mean

I guess your true genius lies in convincing other people that what are seriously glaring character flaws are actually virtues...

Obstinacy morphs into strength...
Lack of reason or insight morphs into simplicity...
Lack of eloquence morphs into the "regular guy image"...
Laziness morphs into cautiousness...
Criminal lack of respect for the law morphs into a man of action...

They ain't buying it, man. Not anymore. I could continue, but I don't want you to get too depressed about things, you've still got two years to go, and knowing how bored you are of being President, that'll only make the time go slower.

Hell, George, it wouldn't be the first time you've had to admit failure in something you tried. We're humans, buddy boy, not messianic creatures of historical import. We will make mistakes, and there's little shame in that. Sure you make more than most, and the same ones over and over, but hey, maybe all that means is that you're just a little more human than most.

And these historians... Lord, have they got your number, pal. I know you think yourself destined for historical record, but not in the way you've hoped. They're pretty much 100% behind giving you the biggest historical booby prize this country has to offer.

I have, however, figured out a way for you to make your mark on history so that maybe you can shake that "Worst President Ever" crap all of those historians have been talking about. Just resign. Nixon did it, and while he took a lot of crap about it, eventually, people forgave him... and he even died, recognized as a true statesman for his accomplishments outside of the office of President. Maybe it was just a lack of daily pressure that allowed him to achieve his dream of service to the country. Of course, HE had better scruples than you and certainly benificent intentions by comparison, but who knows, maybe by moving at a pace you feel more comfortable with, rather than the breakneck pace of the Oval Office, will allow you the posterity you so richly believe you deserve.

Tell you what George, why don't you take a week or five of vacation down on the range and mull my proposition over. Besides, you look like you could use a break. Catch another one of those mutant-sized perch for me, OK? Later, buddy, and hey, chin up!

Your Buddy,
Elbo Ruum

[Minnesota Libra]

1. Great letter except for one little part................

.....that being the resigning thing.:scared: Sorry, but the WH Idiot is bad enough I'm not so sure I want:scared: "buckshot Cheney":puke: in the Oval Office without the tiniest of buffer (Idiot Boy) to stop his ass.:shrug: