please THINK before opening: WHY ARE MORE JOKES TOLD BY THE RIGHT WING?

[Jeffersons Ghost]

Over the years, Republicans seem to suggest that certain segments on the left, like "tree-huggers," should lighten-up and let the wheels of progress roll. There is often a slew of not-so-subtle humor surrounding these private and public comments.

Is it fair?

While I mostly tune out red-neck, reich-wing jokes, which seem far more numerous than liberal jokes in many areas, I once lived with a blonde who loved blonde jokes like; how does a blonde turn on the light?

Okay, DU blondes, even I'm not crazy enough to go there, so I'll say "I'm sorry" for using it as an example now.

Back on topic; I just did a subtle survey on jokes leftest use online and found liberals lacking a sense of humor, when it comes to politics. It's not too late. We are FAR more creative. With our character and values intact, we can hang with the best of them when it comes to humor.

In fact, I'll start this creative endeavor.

Let's see...

let's see... hmmm...

Okay, Here is a valiant attempt to show a "traitor" on the liberal left can hang with all those cute semi-racist jokes Republicans toss around the water-cooler at Halliburton, as they bilk us out of billions.

How are these for starters?

How do you distinguish Republican from Democrat blood, after it spills into a fox-hole? hmm...

How many Republicans does it take to kill women with babies in an Iraq village? hmm...

How many Republicans does it take to destroy liberty and the Constitution? hmm...

How many Republicans does it take to soil all American spiritual values? hmm...



Personally, it fails to provide the level of amusement for me that local neocons in bars appear to enjoy. I guess they are right and this dumb hippy Democrat indeed lacks a sense of humor.

I will say this for DUers, many of you have the courage to keep smiling through the rain, as we look toward the future and you created some really funny jokes in this little experiment. check it out: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=364&topic_id=1335802&mesg_id=1335802

[Joe Chi Minh]

1. When I arrived home from work last night, my wife asked me to

take her out to some place expensive. So I took her to a gas station.

[Jeffersons Ghost]

39. That's funny on a regular (unleaded) basis for most Americans. BTW...

the answer to all the riddles in the OP is THREE, providing that one runs the Senate, the other runs the House and the last is President.

[Oak2004]

54. Untrue!

We don't need Congress when we have the Fearless Decider at the helm.

Besides, Congress is always making silly mistakes, like the time they screwed up and mistakenly outlawed torture. Fortunately, Our Decider knows to get out his pen and correct their mistakes when he signs the bills.

:sarcasm:

[Yupster]

43. My wife said to take her somewhere she's never

gone before.......

So I took her to the kitchen.

Thank you Henny Youngman

[Warpy]

2. GOP jokes are mostly hateful, bigoted, filthy statements

accompanied by a bark of forced laughter.

I'll pass.

[Jeffersons Ghost]

4. those aren't right-wing jokes... re-read the OP... many are good

and ALL the jokes were just posted at DU by current readers, warpy. They mostly bash bush. that's one thing we can thank the comedian-in-chief for.

[morgan2]

3. liberals are a lot more serious about politics

because they generally want to find a way to improve things. Conservatives are focused on keeping things the way they are, so they mock new ideas.

[Jeffersons Ghost]

20. that is a reasonable, honest analysis, thanks morgan

[baldguy]

5. Its a propaganda tool.

[Jeffersons Ghost]

37. yep and a two-edged sword. think about it.

[Master Mahon]

6. They have no facts

and are too stupid or dimwitted to admit that their wrong so they change
the subject with ridiculous jokes and monikers in hopes to avoid confronting the real issues.
Reagan was a king at this. A brain dead, moronic king, but a one liner specialist.

[Jeffersons Ghost]

8. you know what? suddenly the idea of going to an AL bar doesn't seem good

maybe I'll just leave the red-necks alone tonight and spare them the jokes I was thinking of using.

[987654321]

7. I've got a joke...sort of.

There once was a man named Bush
whose face was planted in his tush,
blinded by his own anal crack
he couldn't see he had a small ball sack.

He was bent on staying in this position,
in an attempt to fulfill his true mission,
to search for a WMD he had long lost,
he promised to search regardless of the cost.

So he stayed bent and endured the smell,
all the while letting the country go to hell,
until he found his search was not in vain,
for in his ass he finally found his brain.

[Master Mahon]

11. Bwahahahha Good one!

[otherlander]

14. Niiiiiiiice.....

:toast:

[Jeffersons Ghost]

19. so shall I mark you as "undecided" about the president in the data files?

[BurtWorm]

9. Jon Stewart and George Carlin vs. Dennis Miller and Drew Carey...

:insert smiley carefully comparing two sides of a balance:

[LSK]

16. Al Franken, Stephen Colbert, Randi Rhodes

Why even give these right wing lies the time of day.

[yurbud]

52. I think the original poster lives in an Amish redneck community

No TV or radio, just a bar. And apparently, just enough internet to post this.

Even Letterman and Leno get in some digs at the right.

[scoey1953]

55. Dennis Miller Funny????

Oh I suppose. I did laugh when in some movie he got punched in the face...um..what film was that??..can't remember.

[porphyrian]

10. I reject the premise of this post on the following grounds:

1) I don't agree that the right wing tells more jokes. Most comedians are liberal or libertarian, not conservative.

2) I don't agree that right wing "jokes" are really jokes. To qualify, they must be funny. Most aren't.

3) How many republicans can you fit into a blender?
Answer - All of them, if you're persistant enough.

[Jeffersons Ghost]

21. I guess it's just a local thing then

when I lived in MA, I heard very little political humor but here in Alabama, they were still telling Clinton jokes in a bar I visited last month. I was focusing on the public, not entertainers.

[cushla_machree]

25. I never thought that way

Its a heck of a lot easier to make fun of a repuke then it is a liberal.

I mean come on, how many more bill clinton jokes can we possibyly hear? Its not that funny. Some of their were slightly humours, it you like potty jokes. You know who is funny? Bill Maher, john stewart, lewis black, colbert, george carlin.

The real jokes are on the liberal side. Because it takes an intelligent mind to understand sarcasm.

[porphyrian]

29. Is it me, or do Alabama drivers really suck?

I had to drive through there on my way to Florida at the beginning of the year, and I thought they were holding some kind of Special Olympics automotive event. Tangent, sorry.

[Jeffersons Ghost]

33. nope its not you! I've driven through many states in America. AL is rude

pedestrians barely get right-of-way and people throw stuff out the window onto the roadside to trash the otherwise beautiful view of rural streams and foliage-covered rolling hills.

[porphyrian]

34. Ha! Thanks for verifying my analysis. - n/t

[Jeffersons Ghost]

35. they're worse at the beach, FL pan-handle is called the red-neck Riviera

they get drunker than Cheney and then drive around hunting pedestrians down there to run over.

[porphyrian]

36. Yeah, but you can pass all that by taking I-10 further north. - n/t

[Jeffersons Ghost]

38. when i lived in Pensacola we said EVERYONE north of I-10 was a yankee

DAMN yankees came down to visit, as tourists and
GOD DAMN yankees moved down there to stay!

[porphyrian]

41. Heh, I've lived in Florida most of my life.

I spent my first 11 years in south Florida, and nearly all of the rest in Tallahassee. I'm most familiar with snow birds.

[Jeffersons Ghost]

42. I was stationed in Jax and my first media job was Sun-Cable 6 PCB

then after the divorce I moved back down to the pan-handle for several years.

[Swamp Rat]

12. I just received a racist, anti-Jessie Jackson joke in my email

:puke:

[Jeffersons Ghost]

15. how about that Clinton as first black president crap? God was that sick

[sweetheart]

13. A decider, a liar and a war criminal are all in line at starbucks..

The decider orders a grande mochhiatto, and then complains to the others
that the fat workers are too lazy to make one fast enough. He gets out
his mobile phone, and makse a phone call. In a short moment, the phone
rings at the starbucks, and the employee is told she is fired on the spot.

She breaks in to tears and sobbing, sits down at a table in the customer
area. The liar comes to her and tells her that it was just a joke, and
him and the decider just sit their and laugh at her confusion as they hand
her her final check and take her keys and ID badge.

Then the war criminal, broke in to song, beheaded the manager of the starbucks
who did the firing, crushed the lair with a large cappucino machine,
and cut the prostate gland out of the decider with a samurai sword.
He runs outside holding the bloody prostate gland/testicles in his fist,
gives it to the girl, and says to her, "Justice is yours, here are his babies."

[arwalden]

47. Weird. --- I don't get it.

[sweetheart]

56. his babies

Sorry, i don't write jokes for a living.

It was supposed to poke irony at what the conservatives ultimately
believe is important, beyond death, war, lies and foolery.

:-)

[Misunderestimator]

48. A decider, a liar and a war criminal are all at the psychiatrist office

The decider goes in first and says "I'm sick to death of these aluminum
covered weasels stealing all my chipmunks."

The psychiatrist breaks in to tears and sobbing, tells the decider that
they've had a break through. "Well, after just three long years of
listening to your spaghetti-brained stories about vivisection and
disembowelment, it's time to have you committed."

Then the war criminal, who had been sitting in the waiting room,
lifted his submachine gun onto his shoulder and blew a whole right
through the door of the room in which the Decider and the
psychiatrist, otherwise known as the liar, were licking eachother's
feet. He then says to them, "Justice is yours, here are your shoes."

[RandomKoolzip]

49. Are you high?

:wtf:

[Misunderestimator]

50. ...

:P

[sweetheart]

57. A decided liar and war criminal are all at the psychiatrists office

After a long session with himself, the psychiatrist
wondered why he can't have sex with himself. After a long
frustrating session of yoga-like bending, the war criminal
gave up and rammed an aluminum covered weasel up his bum.

The decider noticed first, that there was a munching feeling
in his bum. The liar apologized for the farts and spent a long
while pretenting to be sincere about the pain. Then the war
criminal noticed the blood spilling out on the chair.

Well, as the vivesection and disembowlment stories went on, the
weasel spoke from inside the decider's bowels, that the final
solution was clear, that criminalizing all non-deciders would
achieve the ultimate lie for a war crime.

And as the shoes piled up outside the prison creamatorium, the
cat wondered where all the creme came from. ;-)
:wtf:

[otherlander]

17. Hmmmmm..... a limerick for your time?

There once was a man named McClellan
who was hired to exonerate a felon.
He was fat as all hell,
could lie very well,
but was no match for a woman named Helen.

There once was a man named Colbert
who did a threat-down about bears
went stalking Charline,
said the press was too mean,
and then spoke of Hindenburg chairs!

There once was a man who said, "Stop!
In the name of the law!" He was a cop.
He praised the law, but I looked at war,
and had to conclude that the law was a whore
who sells herself where presidents shop.

[sweetheart]

23. limericks

there once were some racists from repuke
who went about the world to rebuke,
any one who was lost,
except for the boss,
then dump some more lies so that we puke.

Ones a man with a gun,
set the dial down just to stun,
then it went off,
blew his head off,
bullets don't stop for no one.

Once a most petulant smell,
threw an election in hell,
The votes went away,
counts went astray,
behind the bush-swell was Blackwell.

[Jeffersons Ghost]

24. that one is damn well-done but somehow it just doesn't hit my funny bone

[sweetheart]

27. barring ducts that bar ducks at bars.

2 guys walk in to a bar, and one of them ducks, the other gets knocked out cold.

2 ducks walk in to the ducking guy, and ask him the way to the bar,

The guy says to the ducks: "look for a guy under the bar, and be sure to duck".

So the ducks meet the guy under the bar and ask him what he's drinking.

"I don't know, he says, i just got to the bar, didn't duck."

The duck says to the other duck. "Lets get out of this bar, before we forget we're ducks too."

[Jeffersons Ghost]

31. did they tape the event?

Duck tape is pretty useful.

[LSK]

18. name some right wing comedians please

I dont recall Hannity or O'Reilly ever being funny.

I totally reject this premise. This goes right up there with cadillac driving welfare queens.

[Jeffersons Ghost]

22. I don't know of any LSK but I have one more real funny "HOW MANY"

after most Americans oppose to it, how many citizens does it take to end a war?

[cushla_machree]

26. Bush is a regular joker

Remember his WMD jokes, trying to find them under the rug in the oval office. That was a knee slapper for sure.

[alfredo]

28. Ayn Rand

[Joe Chi Minh]

44. Is that first name of hers complete?

[alfredo]

45. Not really. It should be A.Y.N.

A.Y.N. = Are you nuts?

[WHAT]

30. I don't agree with your assumption...

that (is it more jokes are told by the right wing or right wing jokes are funnier). And your examples of beginning jokes don't seem funny because they are more confrontational than questioning.

Rove kill is funny; that's what someone called the rove pic when he laid in front of the airplane wheels.

[Jeffersons Ghost]

32. certainly not "funnier" more jokes does not suggest "funnier" jokes

on edit: don't let my lack of humor on the topics bring you to think I find out-dated Clinton jokes funny.

[Xenotime]

40. Repugs are never funny....

[johnaries]

46. Because most of our jokes are directed at Bush.

Rather than making sweepeing generalizations, we direct our creative skills toward the individual. If you look at the Bush jokes out there, I think you'll find a lot more of them than "Liberal" jokes.

EDIT: here's a good place to find Republican jokes, BTW:
http://politicalhumor.about.com/od/republicans/

[EstimatedProphet]

51. The jokes you're talking about are because of Republican 'humor'

The Republican idea of humor usually involves someone being crippled for life, or or people being forced to die of hunger on the street. That's why they're for shutting down all the social programs and starting wars-to them, it's a laugh riot to see people on the street, or see people killed or maimed.
They get off on it.

[yurbud]

53. just seems like more because retold so often by Rush, O'Reilly, Coulter,

and Hannity.

Righties don't realize their media heroes are being serious when they say liberals should be rounded up and shot though.