Is there a woman alive who has not been groped in the workplace?

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

Even once?

This is my first thread in this forum, but it seems to me every time I have had this duscussion with women, we've ALL had the experience. Just checking with my DU pals to see if it's as common here as my experience shows it to be IRL.

i was. A good friend of my boss's happened to work for us and without giving all the details, I did tell my boss. He asked me if I wanted to fire him and I said no. I said I wanted him to be demoted and for me to be his boss. My boss obliged. The guy never groped me again.

[BlueIris]

1. Just for the official record, I haven't.

Unfortunately, however, I've also never worked in a place in which we didn't have at least one person engaging in sexual harrassment. On the (relative) plus side, I've also never worked anywhere where the harrassers weren't rapidly dispatched of. Still, though, depressing.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

2. I haven't, but I was groped by a fellow student in

graduate school during a class. We were all sitting around a seminar table, and he reached over and started stroking my thigh. I ground my heel into his foot while glaring at him. He grimaced and stopped.

Comparing notes with other women students, I learned that he made a habit of this.

[eleny]

3. I know few women who haven't been

At work, on the train, bus or even out on the street.

[Hello_Kitty]

4. Oh my god!

10 years in the Navy and 8 more in a male dominated tech industry have given me experiences, both personal and as a bystander, that you would not believe. I have been propositioned, stalked, had ugly rumors spread about me, had guys watching me and other women through a peephole in ship's berthing, and yes, have been surreptitiously groped a few times. They 'accidentally' brush up against your breasts or buttocks while walking by you or when you are engaged in a task. And give you that leer that lets you know it was no accident. But the sneaky gropers are slick. There is no verbal acknowledgement of the touching so they can just claim it was inadvertent if you try to go after them for it. At least when I confront them, loudly, it stops immediately.

Only 2 times in my life have I actually been incensed enough to consider initiating sexual harrassment charges. It's not as easy as a lot of guys think for a woman to do that. Military chains-of-command and corporate HR departments make the standard of proof very high and put you through the ringer. Also, if you bring one sexual harassment case, that's the last one you'll be able to do so it better be good. More than one and you are labelled a 'problem', because we all know that women are never harassed more than once in a career :sarcasm: In the 2 situations I'm referring to the conduct was so egregious that I pretty much had a cut and dried case, although in one of them I was told by HR that I would have to get signed affadavits from other employees in the department (many of whom where the guy's buddies) in order to proceed. What stopped me was that in both cases, the guys had small children and stay-at-home wives. They were the primary breadwinners and I just couldn't see impoverishing innocent children for the stupidity of their parents. Some may not agree with me on that but that was my deciding factor.

[Misunderestimator]

5. I have been in both of my careers...

but especially in the first...

Once, during a performance, the asshole playing my husband grabbed my breast and stuck his tongue in my mouth... in what was SUPPOSED to be a fucking stage kiss. I bit. He didn't do it again. Bastard.

Don't get me started on this subject... :grr:

[spooky3]

6. I love your solution!

[Solly Mack]

7. I have

more than once (been groped, that is)

[jmm]

8. So far I've dodged that bullet

I've had many coworkers tell me all the ways they'd like to touch me but none have ever tried.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

10. Off topic, but nice to see you!

:hi: Either you've not been posting much or we've been in different forums!

[jmm]

11. Hi!

I've been kind of busy lately so I haven't been around much.

:hi:

[Nikia]

9. Maybe

I have been definitely groped while I was at high school. As far as work, I have been sexually harassed a lot. As far as groping, it seems that no one has purposely grabbed my breasts or butt. I have had a few guys put their hands on my back on shoulders and felt a little weird about it because they weren't my friends.

[Hello_Kitty]

12. If you felt weird there was a good reason

Always trust your gut, it usually gets it right. I work with some guys who can touch me on the shoulder or something and it doesn't bother me a bit whereas other guys do it and it creeps me out.

[kalibex]

13. Let's see...

Co-worker at a summer job during college ('dirty old man' type), some distant male relative at a wedding (in front of everyone made some joke so he had an excuse to put his hands briefly on my shoulders, which were bare due to the style of dress I was wearing), this guy passing by, muttering, while I was at a bus stop (a hand slid right by me as he passed even as I started to turn to see, realizing that someone was passing too closely)...

Tell me, how many guys have been encroached upon in this way?

It's not an annoyance that they think about.

'Bout 10 years back, one day I was on public transportation, in the absolute crush of the end-of day rush hour. I saw this guy pressed close to a woman, and suddenly noticed, shocked, that he was...lightly rubbing her arm.

She wasn't responding to it, but also didn't seem to know the guy, wasn't talking to him...and I got creeped out, realizing what I was seeing. I figured she was so shocked she'd basically frozen up, you know, in that 'I can't believe this is happening' kind of way.

So when a seat opened up (I forget whether I had been sitting, or was just close and saw it open up), I pointed it out to her, and she pretty gratefully and quickly hurried up out of the trolly stariwell and sat down.

The guy was able to get up the stairs, too, and stood near the seat, but wasn't in the position to do what he'd been doing earlier.

And then I did something that in retrospect maybe I shouldn't have - insofar as I hope that woman didn't think I was being critical of her: I looked right at her (and inadvertantly him), and said: "That way he can only look at you."

And then I turned and got off the train, as it was at my stop, leaving her behind. But not before I saw a look of shock on her face, perhaps an 'OhmyGod, someone else saw it happen, too!' expression.


-B

[Eloriel]

14. My very first real job

Age 18. I'd quit college after 1 year (went back later), and had a fulltime job for a small company as a secretary working for the little company's president. (I was much more impressed with all this than I should've been, but I was young and naive.)

In those days -- 1966 -- there was no term for it. And no one to complain TO. You could either stay, or leave. Also in those days you pretty much didn't leave a job until you'd been there one year. Man, I was outta there almost on my first anniversary. Once I gave notice, the much older woman who had been his bookkeeper for a lot of years (there were maybe 6 office workers total) said: "Louis just can't seem to keep secretaries." My jaw dropped and I looked at her in shock and amazement. If she only knew....

There was also no way to talk about these things back then. She and I weren't close, and it was so SHAMEFUL what happened to me (as if I'd brought it on myself, or in not putting my job at risk to stop him, was complicit). I'd made friends with another older woman there, but I couldn't even talk about it with her. And to this day, would NOT tell anyone exactly what happened. It wasn't terrible, it was just very uncomfortable and I didn't know of any way to stop it, so there I was, mildly, awkwardly, ashamedly and humiliatedly putting up with it.

That was my only experience. I believe that esp. after I became a feminist in 1976, I put out some pretty no-nonsense, don't mess with me vibes.

[eridani]

15. As a waitress lots of times

As a scientist, never.

[cally]

16. I've had mostly women supervisors

or worked in companies with at least a few women near the top or at the top. It makes a diference. I've never been groped nor heard of any occurences. Just one more reason why diversity matters.

[Dastard Stepchild]

24. Same here....

I can think of very few places where I haven't worked directly with female supervisors. Which, now that I think about it, is pretty rockin' awesome.

I, have, though, been the beneficiary of some inappropriate comments about my rear. And I was informed by an intoxicted employee at a work-related function that he would very much like to "bone" me. :eyes:

[lukasahero]

17. I've only really worked for women

as in "vocationally", so no, groping by the boss hasn't been an issue. I've dealt with my share of assholes who think telling a woman sex jokes while the two of you are working alone at night is a really good way to get into her pants, but they learned right quick how wrong they were. (I am not known for my liberal sense of humor but rather for my biting sarcasm and cutting tongue. They generally avoid women who can shred them up one side and down the other verbally while still managing to be "polite". :))

I have, however, worked in bands and music "avocationally" for many years and can't tell you the number of times I've been groped, fondled, kissed, harassed, threatened, etc.

[Beaverhausen]

18. Not groped but harassed. My breast size became the hot topic...

...after I lost a bunch of weight a few years ago. "Where'd your boobs go?"

I worked in a very small retail store with 2 total misogynistic pigs. They commented on the physical appearance of every woman who walked by the store (all windows) or walked in. It never stopped. I did finally leave.

[Hello_Kitty]

20. Same thing happens to me when I lose weight

I fluctuate 10 to 20lbs all the time. It is unbelievable how many guys feel entitled to comment, loudly, about any change in my physique. Not in a remotely nice or respectful manner either. Typically a guy (usually someone I barely know) will march right up to me in the hallway or the breakroom and while looking me up and down say something like "Hey! You've lost a BUNCH of weight! Looking good, keep it up!" Okay, how does 10 or 15 lbs constitute a massive weight loss? And why do they always seem to suggest I should keep losing weight, even if I'm wearing a size 4 at the time they make the comment? And yes, occasional blatant comments about my breast size in relation to the weight loss. Although, I've been informed that there is a subset of guys on my night shift who are proponents of the heavier me, due to the larger breasts. Seriously. This is what the losers I work with do with their time. Monitor the size of the breasts of their female co-workers. :banghead:

[ScreamingMeemie]

19. Not groped, but chased around the office by a boss whose wife

had just had a baby. :eyes:

[u4ic]

21. Have never been groped

but leering...that's another story. :eyes:

[mopinko]

22. either groping or hoping

or other goodies. like when i worked construction and the boss's son pissed off a scaffold right above where i was working. or my first job, at age 16, where the boss tried to get me drunk, and asked me to sit on the stick shift of his car.

[Susang]

23. Unfortunately, it's happened many times

I was slammed up against the wall at one job while a co-worker attempted to kiss me. When I informed my boss about it, he did little to nothing about it. Wouldn't fire the guy, since he was his right-hand man (i.e. sous chef). :eyes:

[Kat45]

25. I've never been groped in the workplace, thankfully, but on more

than one occasion I've been groped by a passing stranger while walking down the street, one time on an escalator. Also a couple of times on the staircase when I was in high school.

I've been fortunate in the boss department. One job I had for about 16 years, my boss was a gay man (who I'm still friends with).

[ismnotwasm]

26. Very few, I would imagine

In female dominated profession (nursing) I don't deal with that issue anymore. And since I'm in very good shape, (muscular) Out in the world they look and sometimes say stuff, but don't touch. I was talking to a man who tried to tell me he knew all about periods because he had been married x number of times and lived with another number (just tired old typical PMS myths) He's kind of an old broke down guy now. So I gave him some info he DIDN'T know, and started talking about the special catheter you need for very enlarged prostates. I turn topics away from stereotypes or mysogony by using that technique. ie. well this is what happens to GUYS-- Works like a charm. Then I tell them why. I like giving feminist lectures to any folk I know that try that shit with me.

[Ms. K]

27. Not me.

More than once.

When I worked for a home improvement warehouse, not only was I groped by the loss prevention specialist, so was every new "girl" who came in the building. Not only did the other cashiers not say anything because they were scared, he ended up impregnating one of the other cashiers. Right about that time, we got a new cashier in who didn't appreciate it, and took the direct route. He groped her, she marched straight into the front end manager's office, and told her, "I quit. And I'm filing a sexual harassment lawsuit. I have evidence that he's done this before, and other girls here will talk."

So, I ended up filing an affidavit to the effect that yes, he had groped me, yes, I'd heard that he'd done it to other women in the store, and yes, I felt harassed by him. I did not, however, put in what I did to make it stop after the FIRST time. The first time he came up behind me, and was right up close to me (I could feel his erection next to my butt, thank you, that's how close he was), and he put his hands on my breasts, I stepped back, ground my heel into his instep, and smacked him on the balls...hard.

Of course, I also had to do that to one of the guys who worked in contractor services. He tried the same damn thing for whatever reason, and I did the same thing and told him not to fucking touch me ever again.

And that was just THAT job. I've been groped at college, I've been groped on public transportation, and I've been the subject of commentary about my weight and breast size.

Things won't change until women have just as much corporate power as men.

[FloridaPat]

28. I haven't.

[bobbieinok]

29. surprrising (to me) effect of the Anita Hill-Clarence Thomas hearings

BTW, I could not stand to watch any of it

at a church adult discussion group and at the branch library women in their 50s+ started talking about their experiences of sexual harrassment on the job and how in the past there was nothing they could do except quit

the discussions just started out of the blue......it was really strange at the library......women and some men were sitting at tables looking at books or magazines or newspapers and someone made a comment and then they were off

[redqueen]

30. Yes, and worse.

At one place this guy came up and exposed himself to me.

If I weren't so screwed up from abuse in the home, I would have said something to someone.

[geniph]

31. Never groped,

and the one time someone touched me without warning, I bloodied his nose. Not deliberately - the guy came up behind me and put his hands on my shoulders while I was sitting at my desk. Now, I'm the youngest of 13, and you just DON'T want to sneak up behind me and startle me. I shot both hands up between me and his arms, and stood, FAST, and the heel of one hand caught him in the nose. I can guaran-damn-tee you he never did that kind of stupid thing again, and no one in that office ever came up behind me without saying something ever again.

[Hello_Kitty]

32. Oh my god I hate being startled too!

People have been stunned by the viciousness of my reaction when they thought it would be funny to jump out at me, grab me from behind, or make a loud noise to surprise me. Don't know where it comes from, as I've never been attacked like that in a crime or anything.