Menstrual cycles....

[bliss_eternal]

..anyone open to sharing their personal history with this?

As I shared in the other thread referencing the thread in GD, it's interesting how different families deal with menstruation and what young women learn based on that.

For example:

Were you taught it was "a curse"? A blessing? A fact of life?

Did you dread it, look forward to it, or didn't give it much thought at all?

What were the supplies of choice when you started having cycles? (For example, during my female relatives day--the sanitary napkin with belts were the items used. But their mothers and grandmothers used rags they had to wash.)

Were you taught a feminist perspective of your cycle? Or did you acquire this over time on your own?

Do you have daughters? What did you teach them about their cycle? (Or do you plan to teach them if they're not of age yet?)

[noamnety]

1. This might be too ranty

I think my mom was aiming for something between fact of life and blessing, but she's not real new agey (alright, not at all new agey), so maybe not a blessing. She did want it to be a matter of fact thing that could be discussed without shame. At the dinner table. Or with her coworkers. x(

By that time, though, I'd already absorbed all the cultural messages of shame, so that was kind of a lost cause and the public conversations just pissed me off. Plus, I was like, ugh, well, this sucks. We had sticky pads and tampons, and I remember my mom not being too impressed when I was small and found used plastic applicators in the trash (the playtex ones which were a nice shade of pink and all rounded and smooth and nice to feel) and made them into little dolls with faces. I guess I should have gotten the message back then that nobody likes a recycler.

So with my kid, I aimed for matter of fact, no disgust, but discreet with practical tips.

When one of my kids at school sneaks into my room to ask if I have spare tampons, I quietly tell them, no I gave up hauling those around years ago, and I write down divacup on a post-it note and tell them to look it up when they get home. And I send them to the office, cause they have some there. I am steathily turning the next generation into a bunch of divacup wearing DU scaring degenerates, one girl at a time.

I am looking forward to menopause. The feminist perspective, I don't know that I have one deep down. I mostly wanted the cup cause I hate having to buy that crap in public all the time. I saw on the museum site that kotex sales went way up when they changed their sales technique to a box on the counter that you could quietly drop money into and take the pads, without having to make small talk with a cashier as he's ringing up your personal items. I totally get that. Also, I don't carry a purse, and I was tired of trying to stash tampons every damn place, in my socks, down my bra, holy fuck, that's some annoying shit, I don't care who tries to tell me how convenient that is.

On top of all that, my store went to putting the OBs on the top shelf, like they can't figure out maybe the typical customer for that particular product isn't 6 feet tall. I don't know what they expected us to do. I remember thinking at one point I should just pack mountain climbing gear with me, scale up the shelves to grab what I need and rappel back down when I was done. I freaking hate having to find some random tall dude in the store to ask if he could come with me to the tampon aisle cause I can't reach what I need, and then having to discuss with him the exact details of what I use. So I got the cup thing really from an anti-feminist perspective, which makes it all the funnier when folks here are accusing me of worshipping the earth goddess of menstrual blood. I'm just like dude, unless you're volunteering to be the tall guy in the store for me, you shut up about what's convenient. Unpacking my mountain climbing gear once a month in the store ain't convenient. I don't care how much it feels like a sign from God that those shoe spikey things are called "crampons," they still shouldn't be a required part of the monthly experience.

Other things that influenced my attitudes: reading a friend's blog where she was discussing women going on the pill round the clock to avoid any periods. I was thinking, eh, well, if I was on the pill anyway, yeah, I'd do that. I'm the first to admit I'd rather not deal with it at all. But even though I disagreed with her, that post broadened my perspective. And I have another friend, a guy, whose writing has made me more aware of attitudes I hold in myself that are misogynistic.

Here's the post: http://www.genderracepower.com/?p=5 and I really like this quote from one of her comments: This behavior is part and parcel of patriarchal capitalism, behavior which keeps women spending money they don’t have attempting to attain impossible standards of feminine “perfection.”

(Impossible standards of feminine perfection: "good" women have their periods without ever having a leak, their tampons fly like butterflies from their butts and dispose of themselves invisibly without ever being touched by a lady's pure fingers.)

[Katherine Brengle]

2. "Crampons" lol.

I noticed something else when I switched from tampons to a cup - almost no cramps. I used to get them really bad and now I almost never do.

Supposedly it's a "myth" that tampons increase cramping, but after 6 months of no tampons, no cramps, after 15 years of excruciating ones.

[lizerdbits]

3. I got a facts of life point of view

My mom isn't new age mushy or anything. I actually had bouts of a little more than spotting when my mom who did the laundry said I need to wear something. Why?, I thought, I don't care if my underwear is brownish as long as it's been washed. I knew what it was years before it happened unlike my sent-to-Catholic-school mother who thought she was dying. So she had to pester me at first although once it got heavier it wouldn't have been necessary.

I remember an article on that BCP where you only get 4 a year. It was written by a woman who declined to take it because she wouldn't feel 'womanly' or some spiritual thing if she didn't have one every month. I have PCOS so I naturally get 3-4 a year anyway, I'll try to remember to feel somehow 'unwomanly' the other 8-9 times a year I can exercise without sweating my pad upside down (ouch).

I do wear 'crampons' (great term BTW) when it's really heavy or I'm jogging. Additionally, sometimes at work I'm in an area where we have to change out of ALL street clothes, put on scrubs, and shower out when we're finished so tampon is really the best option unless you want to try a pad on your scrub bottoms. I have never heard of those cup things, I'll have to see if that will be better. I guess when you don't have to deal with it as often, you don't really see the need to 'upgrade' to something better so I never looked into alternatives.

[bliss_eternal]

4. Weird, mixed bag here...

...kind of difficult to put into words. I got the sense that there was a desire to provide me with more knowledge than was given those before me. But unfortunately they didn't know how to do that, given that they were born to the generation of "sexual silence." :shrug: Consequently what seemed to be intended to share with me, got lost in translation, so to speak.

I had another relative that was pregnant in her teens, and really faults the fact that no one ever shared the "facts of life" with her. It was important to her to inform me on some level. She took responsibility for that aspect with me, and got me some cool books. So I learned the basics--what menstruation means from a biological standpoint, but really had no dialogue or personal experiences shared with me beyond that. When I attempted to ask about products (sanitary supplies) or the physical pain I experienced, it was shrugged off and I was told it was just something I had to "deal with."

I was always told, "...talk to me about anything"(regarding sex and sexuality). Yet when or if I tried to, I was frequently met with ridicule, disgust, anger and/or contempt. So I learned really quick to become resourceful and to find other ways to obtain information.

Given the lack of knowledge shared with me, I was particularly susceptible to advertising seduction.
All it took was seeing a few ads in my Teen magazines for items to alleviate the pain and I was sold. As an active teen, I didn't like feeling "shut down" for a week or two a month--so I bought whatever they said would make it less painful and less annoying. I took the pms pills at the first sign of cramping, and got the new pads advertised, that alleged to stick to my undies (which I thought were genius at the time). All of this met with much resistance (and seeming resentment) from my parent, who seemed to feel if she suffered stoically with pain and bulky sanitary pads--why shouldn't I? :eyes:

I wish I knew then what I know now about nutrition. A few changes in diet could have alleviated my symptoms a great deal.

[Chovexani]

5. My mother's verbatim response when I was 12 and had my first:

"That's your period. You'd better keep your legs closed, you can get pregnant now."

Yeah.

[Book Lover]

9. You got more than I did

When I was in, like, seventh grade, my mom saw I had been reading a Judy Blume book (the one with the young boy who moves out to the LI suburbs). She asked me if I understood everything in the book. I lied and said yes. A few years after that, she and I were putting stuff away in the freezer; she turned to me and said, "You know, just don't." I was like, "What?" She said, "Sex. Just don't."

Real helpful, Ma.

[Chovexani]

11. Wow

See, stuff like this is why I'm for comprehensive sex ed in schools...for people like us that don't learn it at home, the only other option is learning it in the street if we don't get taught in school.

[mrreowwr_kittty]

6. I got a tubal 2 years ago, after years of being on hormonal contraceptives

The irony was in the trade-off. So I no longer have to contend with following a pill or shot schedule, but I do have to contend with a regular period. I suffered through 2 unwanted pregnancies because the pill dose they gave me for several years wasn't strong enough (already admitted to my abortion in this thread earlier this evening). Then I went on to the quarterly humiliation of getting weighed, prodded, and poked to get the Depo shot in my ass. It was nice to have practically no period but something about having to regularly get permission from a doctor to have sex - don't kid yourself that's what it is - really chafed me. So I finally asked my HMO if I could get sterilized and they said yes. According to my doc, when you're over 35 they'd rather pay for that than years of BC or a possible problematic pregnancy.

Okay fine, so now I'm sterile but have a very regular, and annoying, monthly cycle. Apparently, there's a procedure you can get where they burn off the lining of your uterus and end your period. It's elective and I can't afford it right now. But it's next on my list.

[Samurai_Writer]

7. I'm at the same place you are

I got my tubal ligation over 6 years ago, when I was 40. I still had to argue with the doctor that I didn't want more children! I was FORTY, for cryin' out loud! They finally did do it, and insurance paid for it.

I am going to be getting the endometrial ablation done as soon as I can afford it, too. You might want to check and see if your insurance will pay for it. I think mine will, because I have super heavy periods and horrible cramping, which seems to be getting worse as I get older. Considering my mother didn't go through menopause until she was 55, and my grandmother didn't until she was 60, I have several years left before I am relieved of the pain I get every month. This procedure is supposed to help with that, and get rid of your period completely.

[bliss_eternal]

16. I can't believe th doctor fought you on your decision...

...at 40. Geez--some just can't get past seeing us as baby machines throughout the life cycle can they? :grr::mad: I'm glad to hear you finally got what you wanted, but sorry to hear you still endure pain.

:hug:

Yours and catburglar's posts are the first I've heard of the endometrial ablation. Sounds interesting (and worthwhile). Are there any adverse reactions or side effects to be concerned about?

[bliss_eternal]

19. should be "the" not "th"...

...sorry. :blush:
Not feeling well today. :(

[bliss_eternal]

17. Thanks for sharing your post...

...about your abortion(w/link). I just posted my annoyance with the forced birthers that have trotted out over the Obama statement. I guess they'll take any opportunity, but it sucks that they are using this. Anyway, sorry to go o/t.

This is the first I'm hearing of the ablative procedure. Sounds interesting--do you know how long of a recovery period it requires? I'm wondering if it's as intense as women that have hysterectomies---or more of an outpatient thing?

[ismnotwasm]

8. I picked knowledge up as I went along

Mom had difficulty with the topic other than showing me products. At the very beginning, there was a belt (OH GOD) and a pad. I figured the rest out via friends or by myself.

When I was young, I was wild and rebellious, I read books like "Menstrual Magic" And other borderline occult--y stuff on the topic. As I emerged as a young feminist, the idea the menstruation has power, hormones shifts can be anything from a time of intense creativity, or just plain time out rest with a good book took over my thinking. To this day, I celebrate, (In my mind) and am preparing to grieve when ever I move into menopause, the loss of my "Magic". Because I believe culturally menstruation is deeply ingrained in women as a Bad Thing. Other than a sign of not being pregnant. (Then it's been anything BUT a curse at times--Oh, holy blood)

Never was a 'Curse' or even particularly inconvenient in that light. I remember when I learned to become aware that that small, startling brief pain I felt every month was my egg releasing from my ovary. I thought it was cool, and I look for it every month to this day. I know that what most of what I was taught early and culturally about menstruation was bullshit. That knowing how much and how long and how often you bleed and WHY is important. (I never did have a "regular" cycle, might be 20-30 days) That having a health care provider who knows women's health is important. That I could form my own opinions thank you very much, based on what I was actually feeling, rather than "oh shit my period started"-- that common commiserating women tend to do. I remember getting--and still get--very angry reading biblical books like Leviticus, or other cultural accounts of "unclean women" during menstruation. Assholes.

I tried to teach my daughters some of that, but I think it's an individual journey. They understand using creative time, or rest time, but mostly consider it what many women seem to (Not including those with very difficult, painful menses, that's kind of a different topic)--mostly an inconvenience and occasionally a relief.

[bliss_eternal]

15. I like your perspective...

...thank you for sharing it here! Your daughters were fortunate in my opinion. It seems your stance is rare, and I can only imagine the impact such a stance would have on someone. Versus the usual, "curse" stuff.

[Gormy Cuss]

10. I really don't recall a "talk"

but I had older sisters and knew that they bled and used pads once a month. Funny thing is, I'm not sure that I knew my mother did too until I was about 8. When my first period came my mother handled it as a good thing and showed me how to use the pads, talked about hygiene, and how it could be a bother but it was my body's way of preparing so that I could have kids some day. She called it the curse, the monthly, all sorts of euphemisms in a joking way, but mostly we all just called it "period."

Where my mother wasn't as forthcoming was on tampons because she believed that virgins couldn't use them. When we complained about the pads, she'd tell us about using rags and having them flapping in the breeze on the clothesline in a crowded neighborhood of triple deckers. We felt so fortunate to be able to toss them in the trash.

[bliss_eternal]

14. You were fortunate to have sisters.

I think that would have gone a long way to filling in some blanks for me. Sounds like your mom was pretty cool and forthright with information.

My parent also had a weird thing about tampons.
Seemed to think it tampon use was the equivalent to being a slut. :eyes: Yes, she said that.

Thankfully, by the time I started to use tampons, I wasn't living on my own in college.
((sigh)))

[Samurai_Writer]

12. My mom gave me the talk 2 months before my first period

She thought I was 'too young' for the talk (11, in 5th grade), but since I just had a huge growing spurt, she decided she better. Good thing, because if I had started my period without knowing what it was, I'd have completely freaked out. She was very matter of fact about it, and gave me a book to read about girls' anatomy. Very dry, and no personal experience or antecdotes from her (or in the book).

I was one of the first girls to start my period, and I was pretty much horrified at the whole experience. Belts, pads, etc. My mom, also, refused to let me use tampons, thinking it would break my hymen and not make me a virgin anymore.

When it came to sex, though, she never spoke to me about it. My dad only said 'keep your legs crossed' and 'boys are only after one thing'. No big surprise then, that I got pregnant at age 16.

[bliss_eternal]

13. RadFemFl...

...:hug:
Same thing happened to a relative. Given no actual knowledge, or information--pregnant at 16.

[lightningandsnow]

18. I was taught it was a fact of life...

But I kind of dread it now. I don't really buy into the "menstruation is wonderful" thing, at least not for me, because I have pretty painful periods and generally feel like crap that time of the month. Plus, I'll probably never have biological children. I just don't want to. It's been a lifelong dream on mine to adopt.

I don't really know what a "feminist perspective" of the cycle is... all I know is my personal experience, which has not been that great.

(Ha ha, I misspelled life "lite"...freudian slip much?)