Is it rape?

[mzteris]

is it rape when a man wheedles and begs and pleads incessantly for hours, days unless the woman gives in and "has sex" even though she don't want to?

is it reasonable for a man, whose SO for whatever reason (physical, emotional, psychological) is unable to freely have relations, to go out and "get it" elsewhere? Is it HER fault? Is he justified because she won't give it up? Because, after all, men NEED to get laid, right? If he's not getting what he NEEDS from the relationship then it's okay for him to seek it elsewhere. However, if she's not getting what she needs from the relationship, it is NOT okay for her to seek it elsewhere, of course.

is it rape if he browbeats and threatens to leave if she doesn't do it?

is it rape if he er - "insists" that she have sex.

is it rape if she wakes up to find that he's having sex with her?

is it rape if - after repeated incidents she'll finally say - just do it. hurry up and get it over with. and just lays there and he does it and then gets pissed because she didn't enjoy it? and she gets up and throws up and hides in the bathroom until he falls asleep?

when he's drunk. when he's mad. when's he sad. when he's happy. when he's BORED. sex sex sex sex sex sex.

Like it's the ONLY thing that matters.

If she feels like a blow up a doll, a piece of meat, if she feels like he doesn't give a DAMN about her or her feelings, if he's oh so very good at telling her how much he f'ing HATES her and how she ruined his gd life! but oh yeah, how about a blow, honey? C'mon, you know you want it. . .

:puke:

When it's got to the point when he's drinking that she adds a little something to his beer so he'll please dear god fall asleep quickly. And he does on the couch and she leaves him there and goes to bed only to be awakened about 3 am by his pawing so she says she has to go to the bathroom and sits there in the dark using a towel as a blanket 'cause it's damn cold waiting waiting waiting for him to fall back asleep. And as she starts to walk back into the bedroom she realizes what the hell am I doing? if I go in there he'll just wake up now or in the morning and start in again, so she goes downstairs and sleep on the couch. And he wakes up the next morning confused a little bit but wants her to "bring him coffee". Don't worry about the kids, they're still asleep. So she makes sure to wake them up as soon as possible. But then he says, turn on the tv for 'em and lock the door. simple.

And she gets to the point that she keep her kids in the house and won't let them go outside to play or to a friends house when he's home, because if he gets her alone, he's going to START.

Begging, pleading, wheedling, threatening, crying, storming out, coming back, yelling, screaming, name-calling . . . until she "gives in".

Tell me, is it rape?

[Katherine Brengle]

1. Yes.

Rapes vary in degree of brutality, but coercion of this kind is abusive and imo it is rape. It's still unwanted sexual activity, it's still demoralizing, and it's still not taking "no" for an answer.

[mzteris]

5. Yeah.

I really wonder what the men of DU would say about this. Would they concur? Would they see themselves? Would they understand?

I'm honestly curious. But I'm afraid to post in GD or the Lounge for fear of being flamed or worse.

[Katherine Brengle]

8. I would support posting it in GD.

One day, if they are bombarded enough, the rest of DU might start to at least THINK about this stuff.

[mrreowwr_kittty]

2. Not letting you sleep until you have sex with him

:grr:

Sleep deprivation is officially classified as a form of torture and yet some guys think it's perfectly okay to poke and prod and paw you until you 'give in'.

[mzteris]

6. sleep deprivation -

yup. Or waiting until you're actually asleep. :puke:

[mrreowwr_kittty]

3. The first sign of a bad relationship is lack of sexual desire for your partner

It's considered the canary in the coalmine. Not saying there aren't times when it's a physical problem or something that's not caused by the relationship, but more often than not, it's the relationship. The scenarios you've described are about women who (understandably) aren't turned on by their petty little control freak partners. Who then respond by becoming more controlling and making increasing demands.

What's really awful is most of these women are conditioned to believe, as you say, that men 'need' sex and that it's selfish and cruel to deny him, even if the thought of it disgusts her. Notice that it's never selfish and cruel of a man to pester his partner for sex.

Furthermore, I can't for the life of me figure out what would be enjoyable about sex with someone who was grudgingly consenting to it! As one (very smart) man put it when the topic was date rape: "I don't want consenting partner. I want an enthusiastic one." I honestly think a lot of these guys who pester their partners can't make that distinction because they've never encountered enthusiasm.

[Ellen Forradalom]

4. Hear, hear!

:applause:

"I don't want a consenting partner. I want an enthusiastic one."

That makes me think of the word "tolerance." Tolerance, so often touted as a virtue, is but a barely-acceptable substitute for respect and equality.

[mzteris]

7. it's never selfish and cruel

of a man to pester his partner for sex.

Why is that?

"I can't for the life of me figure out what would be enjoyable about sex with someone who was grudgingly consenting to it!"

Exactly. What an "ewwwwwwwwww" factor, imho. To have sex with someone who OBVIOUSLY DOES NOT WANT TO!! What/where is the "turn on"? How can you even climax with a partner who isn't willing?

[BlueIris]

9. Well, it's easy for the rapist to enjoy it because he doesn't see his victim as a human being.

And it's easy for the "husband" or "partner" of a female spouse he's coerced into sex to enjoy the sex even if she doesn't if all he views her as is a glorified object to masturbate with.

[raccoon]

10. Yes, it is. Great post, great thread. nt

[Samurai_Writer]

11. Hell yes it's rape

And I think a majority of women have been in at least one of those situations. Let me know if you post this on GD. I'd like to see the responses over there.

[mopinko]

12. jeez. my question is- it this a marriage?

get out.

[MountainLaurel]

13. Wow

I'd have to wonder if this woman is dating my ex-BF.

[Scout]

14. for some men, it's what they think of as foreplay....

Begging, pleading, wheedling, threatening, crying, storming out, coming back, yelling, screaming, name-calling

[ThomCat]

15. True. There's a general culture that anything you do to get laid

is okay, as long as you get laid. :(

It's even a common stereotype that women require you to "convince" them to have sex. "Them make you beg for it, buy it, and work for it. Sometimes you just need to be a man and take it."