I don't know where to post this.,..

[yasmina27]

My husband, a self-admitted, functioning alcoholic, who has no desire to seek help, is, I think, committing suicide by heart attack. He has near-constant chest pain, but won't let me do anything to help him. Trust me, I have wanted to call 911 on several occasions and he adamently refused. I know, but we have 2 children under 12 and I would hate to upset them unnecessarily.

Which leads me to my other point. He is a pathological liar. I have caught him in numerous major lies over the years (ie. he is a vietnam vet, with nightmares and all, he spent $1200.00 to hire a private detective to follow me being unfaithful, etc.). The only reason I stay with him is that our girls adore him and he is a good father. He has never lied to them.

Hence my dilemma. When complaining of chest pains, I can't be sure that he is honestly suffering, or if it is attention-getting behavior. Which would be a manifestation of his alcohol addiction, or he's been known to smoke some weed. He definitely gets worse when he smokes. He doesn't trust me, when he smokes, and we've had a number of battles over this.

He knows that nexct time he complains too severely, I will call his bluff and call 911, but I can't get past the fact that it could be real.

Oh god, just typing this, I feel like such a fool, like I should know that he's conning me yet again. And yet, it feels good to finally type it all out, knowing that I am among friends, who won't pull the wool over my eyes.

[elleng]

1. DEAR yasmina,

we are with you. And in particular, I am, as I've been near where you are. You are NOT a fool; I've felt like one, too, as my husband drank 'non-alcoholic' beer and I couldn't figure out why he appeared drunk! He had his 'chasers' on the side! LIAR, indeed. And good father, too.

My daughters are now 24 and 20, I've left their father, and there are confused feelings. We mothers do everything we can to protect the kids; I stayed with him until he hurt me, 2 years ago. The girls had said, over the years, 'WHY do you stay with him?' but we're sad that we're not together, 'at home.'

My husband has been sick, had surgery, and he gets sympathy from the girls; not from me, tho.

Explain to your girls that dad may have to go to hospital some time because he complains of pains, but they shouldn't worry too much; you'll be back, and he'll get good treatment at the hospital.

Good Luck, and take care of yourself.

[Justpat]

2. Please consider going to an Al Anon meeting as soon as possible.

You will get so much positive support and help there.


Thanks for checking in with us. There is a lot of good support and love here -
but nothing beats having your own group to learn from and be part of.

:hug:

[Stuart G]

3. Yes, Al Anon is the answer for you..

I hope by this time you have gone. If not, please contact someone at your local Al Anon office.

[Citizen_Penn]

4. Even if you don't go to a meeting....

try an online Al Anon meeting, or get some literature.

Try six meetings, if you do try them, to see if it's for you.

it changed my life. the twelve steps are a way of life that works for me.

[yasmina27]

5. This is hard to explain, but

I still don't feel comfortable going to a meeting and leaving the girls alone with him. And I will admit to drinking too much myself now since my dad died, and my mother has since remarried. I know these are my own issues and I have to figure out a way to deal with them.

The girls are older now and are much more able to take care of themselves. put themselves to bed, etc.

Last night, we got word that school was canceled today. We were all a happy mood, and I drank too much wine. When I got up this AM, my private parts were sore. I have been taking an antibiotic that my cousin gave me for a sinus infection, and figured I had a UT. Then this afternoon, my dick-shit husband informs me that we were "playing" last night. He was rubbing me down there and all over. No wonder it hurts!

I can't decide whether to be angry or not. I honestly don't remember any of it, which scares me even more.

I feel dirty and lower than pond scum.

[Stuart G]

6. Sometimes we seek help for others but,

in reality we need help for ourselves. Good Luck in whatever you do. AA might be of help with those negative self feelings.
Hang in there...Stuart