I believe that if someone has a positive outlook - even with low self-esteem -

[Joe Chi Minh]

that "One day at a time" can be made to work.

As regards the psychology of abstinence in a reformed alcoholic, it's rather like a religous conversion, in that it should inspire the person concerned with real confidence that it can be done by he or she personally, indeed has already begun, provided only one thing: they must be prepared to humbly accept suffering.

He or she needs to accept whatever kind of mood, state of mind, stresses, whatever, which will repeatedly but eventually decreasingly prompt that person to find solace in another drink - and repeatedly reject it. He or she should regard it as a plus that they are not required to "do" something - but, rather, "not do" it. That kind of passive strength - the only real, lasting strength, if the truth be known, is normally a more marked characteristic of women.

I noticed with regard to someone close to me that in the early days, before she was able to break free, there were always people on hand, most notably some family members, who, even though disparaging her to others, or personally disparaging her (when she was actually "in her cups") would encourage her to drink! I believe you call them "co-alcoholics".

To my mind to say that that is beneath contempt is an understatement, but the person must bear in mind that, with God's help, they have the strength to resist it, when possible, even to avoid their company.

Self-pity, though a particularly common feature among the young, is the other face of the coin. You cannot afford to succumb to it. Hence the need for acceptance of suffering. It never lasts for ever, there is always light and shade, and you have to just let the depression roll over you, in the certain knowledge that tomorrow is another day, even another life. None of us can be certain of what it holds for us.

Like every aspect of virtue, it is not a matter of making a single decision (though that first decision may define the rest of your life from that very instant) but repeated decisions, and the faculty of living in the present, so that you don't feel wearied by repetition of the decision. It's going to get easier and easier with practice over time, and love in your heart for the person or people who want to support you.

I found this beautiful anecdote of how a combination of hope and a spirit of sacrifice (preparedness to suffer innocently) transformed Solzhenitsin's life, when he was working in a desperate prison camp in Siberia in political thread on DU, a lttle earlier today:

"Along with other prisoners, he worked in the fields day after day, in rain and sun, during summer and winter. His life appeared to be nothing more than backbreaking labor and slow starvation. The intense suffering reduced him to a state of despair.

On one particular day, the hopelessness of his situation became too much for him. He saw no reason to continue his struggle, no reason to keep on living. His life made no difference in the world. So he gave up.

Leaving his shovel on the ground, he slowly walked to a crude bench and sat down. He knew that at any moment a guard would order him to stand up, and when he failed to respond, the guard would beat him to death, probably with his own shovel. He had seen it happen to other prisoners.

As he waited, head down, he felt a presence. Slowly he looked up and saw a skinny old prisoner squat down beside him. The man said nothing. Instead, he used a stick to trace in the dirt the sign of the Cross. The man then got back up and returned to his work.

As Solzhenitsyn stared at the Cross drawn in the dirt his entire perspective changed. He knew he was only one man against the all-powerful Soviet empire. Yet he knew there was something greater than the evil he saw in the prison camp, something greater than the Soviet Union. He knew that hope for all people was represented by that simple Cross. Through the power of the Cross, anything was possible.

Solzhenitsyn slowly rose to his feet, picked up his shovel, and went back to work. Outwardly, nothing had changed. Inside, he had received hope."

[NMDemDist2]

1. i have read this once on the way out the door

and again tired from work just now

I plan to read it a couple more times now that I'm on my days off.

I'll reply again then. until then, thanks for this lovely message.

:pals:

[Joe Chi Minh]

2. I am very pleased that you find solace in this post, because I really do

believe it to be true. The answer is essentially a simple one. Although the practice of it will depend on our capacity for faith, hope and love, the so-called theological virtues.

PS: I've never heard of a city with a more exotic and beautiful-sounding name: "W of the Pecos, S of the moon"! Even latin countries don't have names as poetic as that.

[Fire Walk With Me]

3. Negavitity always seeks to convince us of distance from the Creator.

Thanks for the nice reminder. Always cultivate the heart, always cultivate gratitude.

[Joe Chi Minh]

5. Thank you. I hope I shall. It was my pleasure. of course.

[Kajsa]

4. This is very beautiful.

Solzhenitsyn had little to live for until he saw
there was hope and strength in believing something
better was coming.

Sorry I didn't word it too well,
but your post inspired me. It is very moving.

:hug:

[Joe Chi Minh]

6. No. You did word it well. Like so many things, though, the simplicity

of such epiphanies is deceptive, masking their potential for infinitely life-changing conversions to a new way of looking at things. Even in the physical world, E=MC2 seems extraordinarily simple, doesn't it?

It is a very moving story, too, isn't it? There is a sublime quality to those last few sentences that is almost spooky.

[Kajsa]

7. Absolutely!

"Outwardly, nothing had changed. Inside, he had received hope."


It's all in how you look at it.
( the simplified version)

:) :pals: