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To answer your questions - I told my brother on the phone last night that me and my other brother were willing to give him part of our livers if it was possible. He didn't say much, but I'm sure after thinking about it for a while, would let us help. It's his wife that's the problem. She thinks keeping information from him is helping him.
He's going through withdrawal at the moment. He drinks 6 beers/day and has been doing so for over 30 years.
My sister in law is an enabler, maybe codependent too? She's always said that she saw no problem with him drinking a few beers every day. Obviously, she was wrong. My family is well aware of what daily alcohol use can do, and we encouraged my brother to cut down or quit on several occasions. He didn't listen, but I do understand an alcoholic's reactions to such suggestions.
There is one 12 year old daughter from this current marriage, and 2 adult children from his first marriage, in college. There are 3 teenage boys from her first marriage, still living with them.
My brother was laid off from his job in October, so he has no life insurance or health insurance. He's collecting unemployment and using his IRA to make up the difference to pay the bills. He had a very good paying job, but worked for an automotive supplier that went out of business. There is mortgage life insurance, she would get the house free and clear in the event of his death. She refuses to find a job - she says she's afraid to leave him alone.
She drinks too, but not daily. The older kids drink. Alcoholism runs in our family and I overcame a drinking problem in my 20's. I'm now 51. My younger brother doesn't drink much, a few beers once/month if at all - he's allergic to hops and he gets severe congestion and sneezing from beer.
My brother has never admitted he had a problem before and would emotionally shut down and leave if the topic was brought up.
I read alot last night on line about liver failure - at this point, he has 3 to 5 years survival without a liver transplant, and 10 years with a liver transplant. Although, the transplant might be a moot point since he doesn't have health insurance.
My sister in law asked me not to tell my Mom how severe it is - she's afraid my Mom will confront her about enabling. I told my Mom anyway, I don't believe in keeping secrets, especially in such a serious matter. My Mom has seen many of her aunts and uncles die of liver failure from alcoholism, so she would figure it out on her own anyway.
I won't be able to speak to him after he gets out of the hospital, she will censor phone calls, she's told me as much. I truly don't understand. My brother is terribly depressed, and rightly so, after losing his job and now this. I asked my sister in law to talk to his doctors about depression medication, if he could take it. She said he doesn't need it.
I doubt I can speak to his doctors - she hasn't left the hospital in 3 days except to eat. I was able to talk to my brother late last night on the phone - she happened to be in the restroom and he answered the phone in his room.
I'll talk to my other brother about getting a lawyer to help us. I really despise having to do so. It's almost like she wants total control over him. Does she want a house free and clear so badly that she would sacrifice his life for it?
There's no guarantee he would even be a candidate for our livers, but shouldn't it be discussed? I'm lost here and truly don't understand her behavior or reaction.
I've always felt she used him so she wouldn't have to work, but I've always had a friendly relationship with her.
Thanks so much.
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