Sleeping together.

[Longhorn]

After more than 29 years of sleeping in the same bed, my husband and I are going to try separate bedrooms. I've been avoiding it for years but his snoring and jerky movements have disrupted my sleep too much. I was worried about lack of intimacy -- not sex but the intimacy of sharing a bed -- but I've come to the conclusion that it can't be good that I'm resenting the hell out of him as he jerks me awake ten minutes before my alarm and then proceeds to snore!

I don't blame him -- I know he doesn't do it on purpose. In fact, if I nudge him, he changes position without complaining and he's been wearing Breathe Right strips to try to cut down on the snoring. They have helped but I guess I'm just too light of a sleeper. And when I'm awakenened in the middle of the night and know I have to get up early the next morning, I have trouble getting back to sleep. Then, just when I do, he does something to wake me up again!

Since we have an empty nest, we already have an empty bedroom that has served as his dressing room and bath. It's just across the hall and these are the only two bedrooms that are upstairs so we'll have a "master suite" instead of just a master bedroom. :shrug:

[NashVegas]

1. After 29 Years

You're entitled to some experimentation, I'd reckon.

My mom and her husband have slept in different rooms for a few years. She likes a very soft bed, he's got a bad back and needs something more firm.

I did get pissed off as all hell about it, though, on one visit home where I was forced to sleep on the couch for a week because of this.

[Longhorn]

2. Assuming this is permanent, I think we'll be able to sleep together

when we need extra beds. ;)

In fact, we might just sleep apart on weekdays.

[politicat]

3. DH and I sleep apart about 2x a week.

Not necessarily intentionally, but because we live on very different clocks. Mine says that 11 pm means time to get to work, his says that 11 pm means My god, I'm still awake?!?! So on Sunday Nights and Thursday nights., he goes to bed early and I write until 3 or 4 in the morning, when he's about to wake up. He's a morning person, I am not. We both sleep lightly, and he snores.

One of these days, when we have a house large enough, we might consider a separate bedroom for me, but for now, just sleeping on different clocks seems to be working.

And we're still very connected, even though we've been doing this for most of our marriage. It just means that communication is very, very important.

[JI7]

4. seems like the best thing to do

it's not like it's a result of emotional issues between you and your husband.

and in fact it would probably help you both since you will be more comfortable and better rested to be able to do other things with your husband.

[eleny]

5. Has he been tested for sleep apnea?

Recently I read an article about snoring. It said that most people who snore a lot have some degree of sleep apnea. What prompted me to reply to you about it is that you mentioned that he jerks a lot during sleep. That plus the snoring sounds a lot like the symptoms of sleep apnea. People who suffer with s/a actually stop breathing and then jerk awake automatically. Unless you mean that he has restless legs.

My cousin's hubby was diagnosed with sleep apnea and found relief with the therapies. He wears some sort of mask at night. It may still keep you awake since there's a machine involved. But if your hubby does have s/a at least he'll get help.

Good luck! And P.S. I know you're up here visiting in Colorado and won't see this for a while. Hope you had a great time!

[Longhorn]

6. I wish I could get him to talk to a doctor about it

but I haven't had any luck so far. He's one of those guys who thinks that "other people" need to go to the doctor, not him! The jerking seems to come and go. He said he was sleeping better with the Breathe Right Strips but he doesn't wear them when he sleeps in the other room. So they were just for me, I guess. :shrug:

I leave Denver this evening but have been able to get to a computer now and then. I've had beautiful weather this week! We went hiking outside of Boulder Saturday, then spent the night at a nice place in Estes Park, drove through the parts of Rocky Mountain National Park that are open, then visited the Pearl Street Mall in Boulder.

Thanks for thinking of me! I'll be glad to get home to my DU habit, especially when my laptop comes back from the dead (Dell service.) :hi:

[eleny]

7. Nice hearing back from you!

Good luck and I hope you have a safe trip home. I'm glad you enjoyed Colorado. We've had cloudier than usual weather.

[lukasahero]

9. A word about sleep apnea and obstinate husbands ;-)

My husband has it and is also one of those guys who really hates to admit he might need to visit a doctor. (An example of how much truth I'm speaking here so you can judge your husband's behavior in relation: 2 years ago he passed out in the gym shower and split his head open. He woke up, finished showering (even washing his frickin' hair! ACK!) and drove to work where he asked me to have a look at his head. 5 hours later as we returned home from the emergency room with 7 stiches in his head and a prescription for morphine to dull the pain in his back, he said it was "probably" a good thing I made him go to the hospital.)

OK, now back to the sleep apnea. When I first mentioned I thought he had it, he thought it was just about snoring. It's not. We did some research and found that it's a real health risk. It contributes to or complicates high blood pressure, heart problems, immunological diseases and allergies as well as depriving the body of the much needed rest provided by good, deep sleep.

He now sleeps with a mask (and admittedly hates it sometimes) but his sinuses have cleared up, his blood pressure has gone down and he has more energy during the day because he's actually sleeping during the night. (I on the other hand have had to learn to ignore the "sea breeze" blowing in my ear all night long. ;-)

I encourage you to do some research on it and present it to him. Maybe if he understands that he is seriously risking his health and not just "pestering" you with the snoring, he might be willing to do see someone about it. Good luck!

[Maru Kitteh]

21. Estes Park is HEAVEN ON EARTH. I plan to live there in about

10-14 years. Where did you stay?

I don't mean to be indelicate, but might your husbands weight be an issue in this matter? When I was obese I snored badly. After I started with a regular exercise routine it cut down on the snoring even before the weight began to drop and then even more so with the weight loss.

[Longhorn]

22. Weight is not the issue.

He's 6 feet and weighs about 160 (and complains about being overweight because he recently went from a 30 waist to a 32!)

I'm afraid it's been so long that I can't remember where we stayed. It was right on the creek on the west(?) side of town (drive all the way down the main road and take a right at the creek.) It was a really nice place with a hottub overlooking the creek and a fireplace in the room.

I'd love to live there, too, but can't get Mr. Longhorn to leave the Austin area, let alone Texas! However, we are heading up to Denver next weekend to visit our daughter.

[sandnsea]

8. Two years now

Hallelujah! Sleep! And we're actually well rested, so we enjoy each others company.

[Longhorn]

10. We're sleeping together again.

I got a white noise machine from amazon.com for just under $50. It covers most of his snoring, as well as the dogs' snoring and the noise when either of us gets up in the middle of the night. It makes the sound of rushing air -- in fact, it also covers the AC/heater fan going on and off. I'm sleeping more soundly than ever. If my husband is still making jerking movements, I don't notice it. Maybe he's not moving around as much because he's also sleeping more soundly.

It took a few nights to get used to it, though it never really bothered us. I still hear him snore now and then but a nudge takes care of that. Much better than half a dozen times a night!

[Dervill Crow]

11. Kewl!

This morning the thought occurred to me that in a year or so when I've lost 100 pounds there will be enough room for me to fit in bed with my husband again. I enjoy my own room with my dog and TV and books, but after a couple of years the thrill of having my own space has sort of worn off.

[Dervill Crow]

12. Talking to myself because the "edit" time has lapsed.

I should add that we downsized from a king sized bed to a queen, and he is a very lanky 6'7". Even when I was thin I had to curl up in a corner because of elbows and knees, so it was the flailing extremities and the snore factor prompted my move, not necessarily that I was too fat to fit in a bed!

That may be too much information, but after my original post I got the mental image of the mom in that movie (I think it was What's Eating Gilbert Grape, or something like that?) where she was so big she couldn't get out of the bedroom. I'm not quite that bad!!

[Longhorn]

13. I know what you mean about giving up my own bedroom.

I can stay up late watching TV or surfing the net or playing games. But except for watching television, which I don't do late at night that often anyway, I can do the others because the white noise machine also covers the clicking sound when I keyboard. I also have a pillow speaker and I listen to classic radio programs on www.radiospirits.com while I'm falling asleep. My brain races when I'm trying to get to sleep and I'll think right over music. But talk lulls me. I can't listen to political talk because I get too worked up. The classic radio programs are perfect, except sometimes I fall asleep before I hear the end of the story. ;) But the site archives them for a week so I can just fast-forward the next night and find out how the Shadow or the Lone Ranger or Sgt. Friday got his man. :)

Wow, 6'7" is almost a foot taller than me and at 5'8", I'm on the tall side. Why did you get rid of the king? I only wish we had bought a king-sized bed earlier in our marriage. When we go to my mother's, we have to sleep on a double bed and neither of us is very comfortable. With the king, there's even room for our white lab!

[Beaverhausen]

14. I have a white noise machine - used it for 20 years

I'm a really light sleeper and it has saved me.

I warn you though...you will be addicted. I can't fall asleep in a quiet room. I bring that thing with me wherever I go.

I always have to take it out of my carry-on bad at airports security check-ins and explain what it is. Sometimes they actually plug it in to check it out.

:hi:

[Longhorn]

15. I've already taken it on an overnight trip.

We live in the country so we don't hear traffic. My mother lives in a subdivision and you can hear cars, loud radios, dogs barking, all the time. The noise machine really helped, though sleeping in an uncomfortable double bed didn't. :(

Thanks for the endorsement! :hi:

[DesertRat]

16. I'm not exactly sure what a white noise machine is

But I'd like one since I'm a light sleeper and hear every sound. Can you recommend a brand? Thanks :hi:

[Longhorn]

17. Here's the one I got:

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/B0007XJWYA/102-5343663-1589717?%5Fencoding=UTF8&v=glance


The sound is just rushing air. You can adjust how loud it is. It just keeps a nice, even sound in the room that masks the sound of snoring, footsteps downstairs, or even the heater fan going on and off. But I still hear my alarm go off in the morning. :)

The first few nights, I was aware of it but didn't feel disturbed by it. Now I only notice it if it's NOT on. Good luck!

[DesertRat]

18. Thanks

:hi:

[marzipanni]

23. In high school in the late sixties I went with a friend

to another friend's house at 10:30 p.m., or so. His parents had the radio on in a room down the hall from their room, tuned to the static sound between stations (pretty loud, as it was not close to them). We asked about it, and he said it helped them sleep. That was before white noise machines were invented, I guess!

[Caoimhe]

19. Ask him to get a sleep study done

He may be suffering from sleep apnea with his snoring (extremely common) and his brain is not rejuvenating every night. This causes all sorts of other problems.. tired at work, high stress, weight gain, agitation, depression.

Snoring is a symptom to a greater problem, the inability to get enough oxygen to the brain during sleep.

[cally]

20. I use a Hepa filter

and I tested them out to find a noisy one. It pretty much covers the snoring. It probably works in much the same way as your white noise machine. I've also taken to wearing eyeshades but that's a completely different issue.