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A friend of mine died who was an artist and made kaleidoscopes. He had a studio in the same studio building a women's artist group I belong to had. I saw him every year at the Artcrawl and he was always happy and smiling. He worked at Rice. He was only a few years older than I am. He had a heart attack and died quite unexpectedly at age 55.
I had also been his sister-in-law in a previous life, many years ago. I had been married to his little brother decades ago when we were both in college. It was what they now call a starter marriage. We were both too young, and he was younger than me and incredibly hurtful and irresponsible. He did all kinds of verbally and mentally abusive stuff to me.
Went to the memorial service. I saw him and said "______, do you know who I am?".
He said "Yes, but I'm trying to think of your name".
I had not seen my ex in 28 years. Twenty-Eight Years!!!
As we talked I realized he had grown up and turned into a responsible, thoughtful person. He was born Jewish and had become a liberal Christian. His parents had ranted and railed at me for not being born Jewish, although I had been willing to convert had the marriage lasted. But they had a major chip on their shoulder.
After we talked, I told my BF that I felt my chest opening up like my heart chakra was opening. Over the next 24 hours I got the feeling that I was going through a lot of healing of some ancient trauma, because I had talked to my ex and found out that he was a grown-up good person now.
The whole family was in a soap opera for decades, yelling and screaming, except for the fellow that died. He was laughing and not taking it seriously when I met him 30 years ago. That was his genius.
My ex said he knew my sister had died, and that my dad had died, because he had Googled me. Like he gave a damn. I was pretty surprised.
Anyway, we may yet be friends, and we may yet forgive each other in person for the hurts we committed. I hope so.
I told him that the best thing that helped me heal after my sister died of cancer some years ago, was The Compassionate Friends. Both the parents group and the sibling group helped. To talk about the deceased person in a non-judgmental forum is quite healing.
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