Aftermath of a Suicide

[skygazer]

A couple of weeks ago, a close friend of mine killed herself. Single gunshot to the head. She was 32 years old.

In the time since, I've been stunned by the level of cruelty shown by some people in response to this. It happened back east, in my old home town and so I've followed the story in the local newspaper and on the town's message board. Apparently, she lived across the road from a guy who was a sort of self-appointed vigilante. He was convinced that there was a large amount of illegal activity going on in the neighborhood and he set up video recording equipment, taping his neighbors comings and goings at all hours of the day.

My friend, who had a teenage daughter, was a constant victim of this. In addition, he hurled verbal abuse at her whenever he saw her. She appealed to the town, the police, the social service agencies and the State's Attorney, all of whom were sympathetic but who could do nothing because under the state's stalking laws, the man was not violating any of them.

Sensitive and prone to Depression, it took a toll on her. After several months of this runaround and another failed attempt to get a restraining order against this guy, she sat down at her kitchen table and killed herself.


And on these message boards and in comments in the paper, I see people lambasting her. Even blaming her. Accusing her of drug use and dealing (absurd and untrue), talking about relatives who were criminals (there is just her and her brother - the rest of her family is dead), and actually poking fun at her - "So she kills herself - brilliant."

I guess when someone you don't know dies, you see it in the abstract but to me, it's a knife through my heart to read vile, mean-spirited comments about someone I cared about so much, someone who must have been completely at the end of her rope to do what she did.

I wish people would remember that when anyone dies, they leave behind people who are grieving. Whether or not they think it's funny or absurd, I wish they'd keep their remarks private. It's a horrible thing to google a person's name and find things like I've been finding. :(

[livetohike]

1. My sympathy to you and your friend's family skygazer

:hug:

I still don't understand how/why people can be so cruel. Maybe they have never experienced a tragedy in their lives such as this one. Lots of people talk tough, until something horrible happens that affects them.

[flamingyouth]

2. I'm so sorry, skygazer.

Having been touched by suicide myself, I cannot understand how anyone can make comments like that. The loss is terrible enough, but to read things like that - well, I just can't imagine. I'm just very sorry. :hug:

[RevCheesehead]

3. First of all, my deepest sympathy to you.

You've lost a good friend, and you couldn't prevent it. Grieve this loss.

If it helps, you can later plot revenge, in the form of a letter to the editor, message to the vigilante, and anyone else who so very cruelly sat behind the anonymity to slander another human being. Tell them the Rev. said that God is not pleased at all by what they have done.

But first, you must grieve. :hug:

[whathehell]

4. Hello. I'm terribly sorry about your friend and I know I'm coming

on to this post late, but I was struck by one thing: I believe that the constant hurling of abuse at someone may be against the law and she may have had a legal leg to stand on.

A friend of mine, a policewoman for many years, tells me there is a law against "harassment". At least there is in Pennsylvania, and it seems like the kind of thing which could be illegal nationwide.

If I were you -- for my own satisfaction -- I would research the issue. You're friend couldn't be expected to know, but certainly the police should have.