If you're out there in the ether somewhere, Happy Birthday Kev.

[havocmom]

How easily I remember the original. I guessed first, you know. I knew it was you and you had arrived.

You left too soon. We all got suddenly old in the few years since your passing. I guess we are just in a rush to be with you again.

Happy Birthday Kev.

I'll call your mom... as soon as I can see to dial.

Thanks for all the hugs and laughter. You were the funniest kid and the sweetest man.

Happy Birthday, Kev. Auntie Nettie misses you.

Kevin Nicholas Rouse
May 18, 1962 - Sept 10, 2003

Beloved Son and Nephew

[RevCheesehead]

1. I'm so very sorry for your loss.

Kevin must have been an amazing man. :hug:

[havocmom]

2. Rev, you in particular would probably have liked him very much.

He was earthy but very refined. He was funny as hell and pretty ribald in expressing it, but I never heard him take the Lord's name in vain.

Talked to his mother. She's still blaming herself for not seeing how sick he was when she visited shortly before he died. "Why didn't I see..."

Sometimes, our brain turns off what our eyes show it. Sometimes, when the brain knows there is nothing that can be done...

But she cries. And I cry.

Oh, Rev, I miss his laugh. He comes to speak to me in dreams sometimes. He shows others he is watching over her. But she can't see that either.

He'd get a kick outta you. You would make him laugh and his laugh was such a blessing.

Thanks,
hm

edit: typo

[RevCheesehead]

3. You're absolutely right.

Sometimes we simply cannot see what is in front of us. But that, in its own way, is a blessing. It shields us from the painful reality... and it also indicates that despite the physical exterior, we really, truly see the person within. Love amplifies it.

I'm glad he comes to you in dreams. Cherish them, write them down (journal them), and take them out and read them on days like today. And if you feel so inclined, share them with his mom. She needs to hear the good memories, the things about him which touched you.

At my Mom's funeral, I did the service at the cemetery (the Committal). It was a profoundly powerful experience for me. At the end of the liturgy of committal, the following prayer is said:

Eternal God, you have shared with us the life of __________.
Before s/he was our, s/he is yours.
For all that _________ has given us to make us what we are,
for that of him/her which lives and grows in each of us,
and for his/her life that in your love will never end,
we give you thanks.

As now we offer ____________ back into your arms,
comfort us in our loneliness,
strengthen us in our weakness,
and give us courage to face the future unafraid.

Draw those of us who remain in this life closer to one another,
make us faithful to serve one another,
and give us to know that peace and joy which is eternal life;
through Jesus Christ our Lord.
Amen.

I hope you are able to find peace and joy today. :hug:

[havocmom]

4. That helped very much

Thank you.

If you would, and have time/energy, would you say a prayer for Kevin for me? He was Christian. I am not. I offer thanks for the time with him and trust in the power of love to overcome death of the body. The more the capacity for love, the stronger the soul. I do believe in that.

But I cannot heal my sister's pain. I cannot help her to understand that what is - is and she cannot control the ending of things.

I pray thay she learns acceptance of that which she cannot change. So far, it goes unanswered. But I keep praying in my fashion and in my own closet ;). She is so strong willed she can't allow that there are facts she cannot influence. Her's was not an error of noticing a problem. Her's is the burden of not understanding in her heart that there are forces bigger than she is.

Her massage therapist told her there was a young man with her and he wishes she would stop being so sad. He is with her. Many have seen it. She wills so hard that she doesn't get the sense of him much.

He did come to her in a dream. Her painting brings her closer. She is so close to understanding and accepting. Maybe her tears today will help.

I just miss him.

Thank your God for him for me, Rev. Say Auntie Nette is grateful for all the laughter shared by His servant Kevin.

I miss him so much.

[RevCheesehead]

5. Just one final question...

Has she found someone to talk with about her grief? There are times when we have to go beyond ourselves, and get professional help. There are many wonderful counselors available who can help her find her own path to insight, grief, and release.

[havocmom]

6. She was seeing a counselor, don't know if she still is.

Within 6 months of his death, she was diagnosed with breast cancer. Telling, isn't it?

Her oncology team had her going to a counselor. Don't know if she still is. Were I there close by, I would find a special one to work with her. One who is not easily convinced things are fine ;) She runs a good bluff. She is pretty sure she is tougher, smarter and right. Usually she is. But more than anything, she is stubborn. Oh, and I sent her link to this tread... I may be in trouble ;)
Hi Sis :hi: :hug:

I am gonna call her again here pretty soon. It must be so difficult. They were especially close. Then her employer kicked her when she was down. Used her cancer as an excuse to force her out of her high power job, even though she was working 4 days a week during treatment and the company was doing well (she was running it in her county.)

Thanks for taking time with me, Rev. There are so few people I can talk to about it. I have long admired your humanity and how hard you work for healthy balance.

Edited to add: Your mom must have been special. She and your dad did a good job with you!

[RevCheesehead]

7. Thanks, havocmom.

I'm here, anytime you need to talk. PM me if you need an ear. :hug: