|
Edited on Sun Mar-23-08 10:08 PM by ByTheRiver
I'm indian. No, I'm not. Am I? What is a native american anyway???
I'm really confused here. Listen to my story from the Northeast and share your thoughts please.
My father told me when he was young, his grandmother told him he was part Blackfoot, and to never forget his heritage. My father was moved by this, and sought to learn more about native american culture. He became involved with an intertribal group whose members consisted of both fullbloods and nonbloods having interest in learning and preserving the customs and teachings of the elders.
This is the 'lifestyle', so to speak, I was born into. I grew up with the sound of the drum. I learned beadwork, woodwork, dancing, etc. I've gone to powwows. I've participated in ceremony. When I wasn't doing these things, I was just another kid in the neighborhood - A largely french-canadian neighborhood. After all, I'm mostly french-canadian. I look 'white'.
I've feel stuck between two cultures. I self-identify as indian. I can't help it, I know more about my native culture than my French-Canadian culture.
I feel fullbloods do not accept me as indian, because I appear white and did not grow up on the res. Nonbloods see my appearance and at best consider me an indian 'wannabe'.
Trying to come to terms with this, around age 30 I began attempting to research my family's roots. I soon learned that French-Canadian lineage is perhaps the easiest to trace due to extensive and detailed records kept in Canada. Fortunately, I was able to trace my lineage back to my direct descendant who migrated from France to Canada in 1660. And he took an indian wife, though not Blackfoot as my father always believed. She turned out to be of the Huron Bear clan. In some ways, it was comforting to set my family's bloodline straight, however I now knew that I was far removed from my ancestor and the knowledge I gained was not handed down.
Now, I feel alone. I'm confused. I realize I don't know what being indian is. I am proud to be indian; I am also proud to be French Canadian.
I don't know if I need validation or acceptance. I know I'm not unique, but sometimes I feel so alone in this world. I can only follow what's in my heart.
Thank you for reading my story.
|