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councilor. It was a hard call to make and very frightening to go see her. I have never had any therapy before, I was afraid of what to expect. The woman was very nice, gave me some things to really think about doing to help this empty feeling I have had since my husband died. This house is so full of everything that was our life. I cannot seem to have a few moments to think of how to cope. I want to put him in a part of me that I will always remember, not be so afraid to move, to think, to sleep.
Right now, I cannot cope with his death, I don't know how. Perhaps with this lady's help, I can progress a little. Maybe feel like eating, perhaps get a nights sleep. I am a very strong person but this has defeated me. 45 years is so long that you become like one person. I don't know how to do it alone.
We worked together for years, raising the kids, running a business, restoring this 200 year old house. There was hardly anything we did not do together. I don't know if that was good, but through the years it worked.
At night when I try to sleep, I see the two of us walking down the street holding hands and then the picture fades away into the fog. I can't stand it any more. I hope when I see her next week, I can be a little encouraged.
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