Does anyone have some good reading material on traumatic bonding?

[EFerrari]

I don't even remember when/where I learned that term. But, I'm interested in thinking through how TB can disrupt the mourning process -- because I think it might be for me.

My update: the anti depressants aren't helping as much as I thought they might but something is better than nothing. I'm keeping things pretty simple right now, just going for the basic: good diet, exercise, good housekeeping and daily affirmations. It doesn't seem like very much to me but it's what I can manage.

I've also been thinking about writing up what happened here but am waiting for the right frame to bubble up. No need to add another negative book to an already tall stack of mostly unreflective, thoughtless "horror stories" about BPD. Was thinking that identifying a set of challenges that our families deal with trying to get mental health treatment, illustrating them and suggesting strategies might be the way to go but, I'm not really sold on that idea yet.

I think it would be a good way for me to process what this 12 year experience was like and what it means to me. Worked well the last time I tried it. Maybe time for Round Two. :)

[knowbody0]

1. I wrote my story

gut wrenching experience. It was like re living the entire ordeal. Do I recommend that you do it? For me it was a part of my healing process but I felt absolutely violated all over again. Without my therapist, I cannot imagine today would be like. I'm better in many ways, stronger and much clearer, but IMHO one never recovers completely. good luck little sister.

[EFerrari]

2. Thank you for the wish!

The first book I wrote was all about trying to find anything that would help, tool, thought, back up from anyone. It helped me to do that. It reminded me that I wasn't alone and that there was a great big community all around me.

I can't duplicate that now. But for me, writing it out helps in some way that I don't completely understand. So, I'm hanging out, waiting for a frame that is honest and that is positive. Lol -- may be a long wait, but, that's okay. :)

:hug:
:grouphug:

[Larissa238]

3. I wrote mine out through poetry

I still have not gotten over it yet by any means, but I did write some of it out. I can't really stand to read those poems anymore, but I did get something out. I hope one day I can write my story, because so far, it's one of hope despite all the crap. I don't know if I will ever get over it... but I'm hoping that one day I will.

:hugs:

[EFerrari]

4. HI there, Larissa.

Somehow, I've managed to compartmentalize my poetry from this storm. Because poetry is my main venue and I didn't want to have to worry about aesthetics as I move through this process. Isn't that something? (Oh, the urge to control, lol!)

My first book on all this was sprinkled with poetry but very lightly -- it was as if I was protecting that place where poetry happens from the reality of the experience. I don't know if that makes sense. When I married Doug, I was being published in university poetry journals and I guess I wanted to keep that for myself, separate from our/my/his struggle. It's not clear to me that is even possible but it was my impulse.

[Larissa238]

7. I would link to my poetry here

but a lot of it is depressing and hopeless. I don't want to make people feel worse with the pain I used to suffer. I had a subscription to a poetry site, but when it came time to pay for it, I decided to just take what I had and leave the 5 that they allowed for free. I have them in an email, but I don't look at it at all. Just too many bad memories for me.

I have pretty much stopped writing. Pain used to be my muse, but that was one muse I didn't mind getting rid of.

[no name no slogan]

5. Not thinking too well today, but here's a hug

:hug:

I can't really think of things right now but I hope you are doing okay.

:hug:

[EFerrari]

6. Thanks, I needed that!

:hi: