This is the "depression sucks" thread.

[EFerrari]

I'll start.

Depression sucks because you remember enjoying things but there is now a blank where enjoyment used to be.

[no name no slogan]

1. Depression sucks because...

you have no energy to do anything, and even getting out of bed is a chore.

And don't even get me started on the constant headaches and body aches... :)

[EFerrari]

12. Hey -- that's MY depression.

lol

:hi:

[no name no slogan]

15. Hey, quit bogarting MY depression

:rofl:

:hi:

[EFerrari]

19. LOL!

:hug:

[amyrose2712]

71. delete wrong place nt

[mopinko]

2. depression sucks because it destroys the relationships that

would/could help us get out of it. which leaves us feeling alone, whether we are or not. can you say- downward spiral.
fibro has been kicking my ass lately, and i have been fighting the exhausted/irritable/depressed state of mind that is sort of the bottom of my barrel. perking up a little, but still feeling pretty shitty.

[EFerrari]

3. I'm so sorry, mo.

:hug:

I don't think there has ever been a moment in my life when I got to attend to how depressed I am. There was always so much going on. Isn't that something.

I have no idea what to do about it but noticing it might be a good first step.

I thank Something that it's June and there's lots of light.

Take good care of yourself. You're the only mo we have. :)

[mopinko]

4. only mo- probalby a good thing lol.

i am getting better at just doing what i can do and not doing what i can't do. it is always hard with a chronic illness, tho. the part of my brain that makes plans and takes on projects is still not really connected to this crumbling body. and yeah, somehow, it is other people's stuff that comes first. will these kids ever grow up, i wonder.

[EFerrari]

5. Aren't pretty much everyone "these kids"?

:rofl:

[mopinko]

6. sadly, they are.

and most of them are pretty much just as belligerent and ungrateful.

[EFerrari]

7. What's happening?

:hug:

[mopinko]

8. oh, nothing that serious.

mostly annoying. but i designed a logo, for free, for the ceramics co-op that i am in. i was very nearly hanged for the favor. couple of members who were never there working, depressed about it, and decided that they were threatened by stuff happening when they were not there. all 3 of them resigned. didn't care about the ringleader, cared a little about #2, but someone that i did like and respect, who was on my side, somehow is not any more. i have no idea why. ok, i have an idea as far as, i see what happened, but the whole damn thing makes no f'ing sense.
i admit i did not handle it very well, but really. us artists are all nuts. it's worse than herding cats to get them to work together in any way. why do i try? i dunno, but we are having a sidewalk sale next weekend. what can blow up? i'm sure there will be something.

[EFerrari]

9. Yes, we are all a little nuts, that's for sure. n/t

[Ladyhawk]

105. Agree. I'm also a nutty artist / musician.

I think we feel things more deeply than "normal" people and the times just aren't very good for creativity and joy.

[mopinko]

13. and then there is the family.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=105&topic_id=6616228&mesg_id=6616228

[EFerrari]

14. Imho, summary executions are sometimes justified!

Holy cow! SNAKES! Crack was bad enough!

[mopinko]

21. reeking rotten snakes

rreeeeekkiinnnggg!!

[cutlassmama]

113. ditto n/t

[mopinko]

117. how you doing cutlassmama?

took me a while to figure out where this got kicked.
care to vent/tell us more?

[knowbody0]

10. I have not been depressed for about 2 months now

but I know it's following me and will attack at any moment, rendering me goofy, high spirited (saying absolutely anything that comes to mind) and gifted with bouts of energy that amaze me. This may be the high end of bi-polar bs, but I am enjoying the ride. You should see my garden!

Both my therapist and my psychiatrist were re-located, I ran out of my meds, was fully approved for my disability. I am just waiting for the blues.

I know I should be shopping for new therapists but I keep putting that chore off. Starting over scares the poop right out of me.

[EFerrari]

11. That kind of shopping is a big job.

:hug:

[no name no slogan]

16. ride it, but be prepared....

because chances are things will slide down, even a little bit. Be pro-active while you can-- that way you want fall far when things get tough.

[blue neen]

17. Depression sucks because your kids can inherit it from you.

It is bad enough to suffer through it yourself, but to see your child suffer is unbearable.

[EFerrari]

18. Agree. I have one of those.

And no matter what I want or do, it doesn't matter.

[HopeFor2006]

91. Very well said

It is much harder to see your children suffer.

[donheld]

20. It's phyiscally painful

Sometimes I ache all over because of it.

[EFerrari]

22. That must be terrible. I don't get that but mostly feel it as exhaustion.

[Critters2]

46. I've been feeling this all day.

Not sure if it's technically depression, or that I've had the absolute shittiest week. But I feel crappy emotionally, and it's causing my body to ache. Everywhere.

[Ladyhawk]

23. Depression sucks because no one gives a crap and when you ask

for help, no one helps, including the "health care" system and people who claim to be liberal.

[TZ]

24. Its less to me that they don't give a crap...

but that they don't understand. When somebody says its all in your head (of cours literally true with depression) the implication is that is that you choose to be depressed, and if you just think happy bright thoughts and go out and socialize with normal people, why everything will be okay!

[EFerrari]

25. I took a shower today and put on clean clothes and made phone calls.

And all those well meaning people have no clue how hard that was.

Save me from well meaning, clueless people -- or at very least, help me survive them.

[Ladyhawk]

26. A long time ago I dealt with the people who don't understand.

Now I just want some bloody help. The answer is no.

[EFerrari]

31. Can you update us, Ladyhawk? It's been a long time.

:hi:

:hug:

[Cabcere]

53. Yes, exactly!

:mad: I get that shit from my own brother sometimes...granted, he's only sixteen, but it still hurts like hell. :(

I think misconceptions are my biggest problem with depression - from "learned helplessness" to "look on the bright side" (which is good advice normally, but telling someone with depression to do that is like telling someone with a broken leg to "walk it off") to "get a life" (the words my dad used when I was finally able to admit that I needed help). :( I suffer from an illness; that does not make me stupid or weak, and it sure as hell doesn't mean that I enjoy it. :grr:

:rant: OK, rant over.

[SPKrazy]

27. Depression sucks because eventually you can't tell which came first

the depression or the life destruction...

I question that over and over.

have I torn down my life because i'm depressed and am trying to find a new life, or did i tear it down in the midst of a mid life crisis and now i'm depressed.

The answer is only to look at the fact that I've been depressed much longer than I've been in mid life, with some reprieve, and certainly symptom reduction, but I endlessly deal with the feeling that is still there.

I think my life is torn because of depression, and that which started way back when.

Makes it very hard sometimes to figure out where to begin to put it together, I'm doing it one day at a time, but on days like today, and for that matter this last week, it seems that life is conspiring to hold me back. I will not give up this fight though dammit!

[EFerrari]

29. You know, I don't buy into the idea that people will

willfully sabotage their lives for no reason. I don't buy the idea that self destructive behavior comes out of self destructive wishes most of the time. I tend to think we do our best to survive every day.

And I'm Catholic!

:hug:

[SPKrazy]

33. I'm with you there

i agree

:hug:

[Ladyhawk]

106. I've been in a similar situation.

I've learned that trying to question which came first is an exercise in futility. In the end, it doesn't matter because you're depressed and that's what you have to deal with NOW. Figuring out the past may help a little, but it's overrated as a "cure." Knowing what happened helps very little with day-to-day depression.

[Lorien]

28. "Now a blank where enjoyment used to be"

That pretty well sums it up. I was so severely depressed for years that I often couldn't get out of bed. I constantly thought about suicide, even tried it a couple of times...now my depression is much milder, but I'm numb. I don't feel much at all, and because I'm in debt I work constantly; 10-16 hours a day, every day. No days off. Friends and family hassle me about it, saying "you need to take time off! No one is meant to work every waking moment of every day; have some fun! Do something you enjoy"! But I enjoy next to nothing, so there's no point to doing anything except work.

[EFerrari]

30. Hi, there Lorien. I have a lot of trouble listening at all when

people offer me advice. They exhaust me. I don't have the energy to listen and respond properly, for one thing.

And imho, what works for you works for you. If other people don't get it, that's their problem. They may be very well meaning and still not get it.

:hug:
:grouphug:

[fizzgig]

32. it sucks because it drains my motivation

i know there are things i should be doing but sometimes i can't pull my shit together enough to do them and that just makes me feel worse

like you said upthread, the small things can be a big deal.

i showered, i got dressed and i left the house for a few hours today. that can be a big deal for my days off

[EFerrari]

34. It's like an insivible, three dimensional obstacle course.

I realized this morning that as I wake up, I check to see if That Weight is there or if it's taking a break somewhere.

[AZBlue]

50. Yeah, I know what you mean.

I have a to-do list that barely ever gets worked on. But, I keep it and I try and even when I mark one thing off, I try to celebrate that. Often though, on Sunday night I look back and think "so what did I just do with my two solid days off? nothing" and it's a bummer.

[Rising Phoenix]

35. depression sucks

because it sucks living away from you and you merely exist....it also hurts the ones you love and who love you...depression sucks!

[Rising Phoenix]

36. My first poem

Ode to Insanity

I went numb not long ago
A wasted body among the wasted minds
I no longer recoginze my foes
I am lost in the way the plot unwinds
My heart continues to pump
My colorless blood through my veins
Apart from where the masses clump
Apart from their conforming lines
I stand alone
The wind beat me down
Chilling my bones
The sun tried to fry me
No one hearing my moans
In the pain of it all my mind tried to collapse
Hating this reality, waiting to fall
Suddenly time began to lapse
Pushed and pulled
Twisted around
My senses dulled
I couldn't be found
I sacraficed joy and human touch
To be rid of the pain
Fuck you all very much

I was 13 when I wrote this

[EFerrari]

37. Today I had an idea for a comic strip "Attack of the 10 Foot Depression"

Too depressed to draw it today but it made me giggle and I may just try it over the weekend.

[no name no slogan]

38. LOL!

:spray:
I like that one!

[EFerrari]

39. I've been trying to visualize what a 10 Foot Depression looks like.

All I come up with is an evil Christmas tree. lol

[terrya]

40. Depression sucks

Because you realize...analytically...that you have such good things in your life...family, friends, a loved one...but you don't enjoy those things. You don't enjoy life. Sometimes...it's as if a dark cloud envelopes you. And that sucks.

But I vow to overcome it. I want to enjoy life again.

[EFerrari]

41. Doug and I used to do exercises at the kitchen table

before we found competent professionals. One of them was listing our "gratitudes". I don't remember where it comes from -- 12 Step? -- but we'd make lists of things we were grateful for. It made them all a little more real, I think, and that was helpful to me because it pushed back that depressive "fog". :)

[terrya]

48. I know I'm grateful for a lot of things.

I know there are good things in my life. My family, my partner, my good physical health.

But when the fog of depression envelopes me, I don't see those things. I'm sorry to say.

And here at work, for instance, because of my depression, I feel so out of it. I'm not like my co-workers. It's as if I'm inferior to them. They are happy, well adjusted people...and I'm not.

And that sucks.

[LastLiberal in PalmSprings]

42. Depression sucks because I can't fly anymore

The FAA won't issue a medical if I'm on anti-depressants, and every time I've gone off my meds I've plummeted into the Abyss. Getting my private pilot's license is my proudest accomplishment, and now I can't even be around small airplanes without feeling an overwhelming sadness.

Depression sucks because I think it's a character defect; that I'm every negative thing my father said about me; that I really am just lazy; that there's really nothing wrong with me.

Depression sucks because I don't want to have sex with my wife. I no longer enjoy sunsets, or the sky, or the ocean, or any of a number of things that used to turn me on.

Depression sucks because I chose not to have children -- and I love children -- because before it was diagnosed I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me and I was afraid of passing it on. This especially hurts as my nieces and nephews get married and begin having children of their own. I would have been a great grandpa.

Depression sucks because people who don't have it don't understand why you don't see life the way they do. Even friends sometimes are surprised when you tell them you don't have the energy to take part in some activity.

Depression sucks because I started a project -- painting the bathroom -- and suddenly stopped after two weeks. And that was November of last year. It sucks because no matter how hard I try, I can't keep the house from being cluttered.

Depression sucks because evey time I have begun to succeed in a career -- Air Force navigator, newspaper editor, lawyer, television director -- the depression has slammed into me and I have totally destroyed everything I had worked so hard to achieve. I have nearly lost hope; "It's going to go to shit any way, so why even try it?" has sneaked its way into my fundamental belief system. Meanwhile my friends have gone on to succeed in their careers and are planning for retirement. Half of my work life has been spent on disability, and I don't know what's going to happen when I reach 65 and my private income replacement insurance payments stop.

Depression sucks because I know I am going to die (probably a lot sooner than if I didn't have it) without experiencing all the things I have dreamed of. And it sucks because I know (not just believe) that no matter how much good I try to do I am going to Hell when I die, and I don't know why.

And finally, depression sucks because reading over what I've just written all I can think is that I'm not really sharing my thoughts and feelings -- that I'm whining.

[bling bling]

43. Wow.

That pierced right through. Depression is one of those things that once you've (I've) had it you spend the rest of your life trying not to get it again. And when you do get it again, you lose even more hope that you'll ever be "cured", and then it just adds to the hopelessness.

The choosing not to have children part was what hit me the hardest. That's a really painful thing to admit, and it pained me to read it because I felt the same way. When I became pregnant it was a panic-inducing surprise. And it's been a wonderful experience. But it's also a very difficult experience anyway but I'm finding out that when your biochemistry is out of whack it's 50 times harder.

You have no idea what it's taking for me to not go through your post line by line and offer my .02. But that's the part of me that wants to "fix" it for everyone else as desperately as I want to fix myself. Having depression gives you (me) a heightened sense of empathy for others going through it because you know what the experience feels like.

But I suck at self-control and cannot help myself from responding to your comment about the character defect. I know what you mean, of course, but you do know that depression is a direct result of a complex chemical reaction. I know you know this. I just wanted to say it, I guess. For my own benefit as much as anything, maybe. But it's true. We're made of chemicals. The brain stops functioning properly when certain chemicals get depleted. Depression is actually a very logical and direct result of chemicals becoming unbalanced. So don't you think for one minute ever again that your lack of energy is you being lazy. Or a character defect.

Ok, just one more thing. The whining comment. I'm glad you didn't leave that out. I just said to my mom today that I feel like I'm complaining a lot. I've been opening up to her about what I'm kind of going through but she doesn't know how to handle it, so I'm sorry I even tried because I felt kind of naked and awkward, and whiny, especially when it became clear that she didn't feel like dealing with it. I tried to just cover it up then, saying something like, "Oh well. No big deal. I'm sure I'll snap out of it. Anyway, so how are you and dad doing...." but inside I wanted to cry because I felt so alone.

So thanks for your post. It made me feel less disconnected from the world right now and I find that to be helpful.

[EFerrari]

44. How can they deny you for taking anti-depressants?

What the heck kind of bigotry is that?! How is the POSSIBLE? :wtf:

My father suffered from depression before there was any kind of adequate treatment. And, I'm glad he had me. I love him dearly, even on his bad days. He's one of the smartest, most charming people I've ever met. I never knew what an effort it was for him to be in sales and later, to work in trading grain. He had to front charm to his clients and he was masterful. When I found out about his depression, my admiration for him only grew in leaps and bounds.

Doug told me he didn't want kids because he never had any desire for them and therefore, wouldn't be a good parent. That was sad for me because I'd have loved to have a baby with him. But, that was okay. It was part of the deal I made when we got married. He was kid enough, and I mean that in a good way. :)

:hug:
:grouphug:

[Larissa238]

45. Depression sucks because you are always tired

People don't seem to understand how I can be tired with 10 hours of sleep. I have to get at least 10. On 8 I get depressed. On 6 I act drunk. On 4 hours sleep (in college during midterms and finals) I have called myself a totally different name, forgotten my phone number of 2 years... basically, I can barely function.

[ceile]

47. Depression sucks because

it sucks the life out of you. And not only am I suffering but my SO and my pets are too. I can barely keep it together for me, much less anyone else.

[EFerrari]

51. It's really hard when everyone has something at the same time.

:(

[AngryOldDem]

49. Depression sucks....

...especially when people don't or won't understand where you are emotionally at any given point in time. When people think that all you need to do to get through the day is "Whistle A Happy Tune." Sometimes it just ain't that easy, and being told that it is is frustrating and infuriating and exhausting.

Christ. No wonder it's just easier for me to gunnysack.

Here I sit trying to pump myself up for another eight hours of pure hell at work. I feel like I'm going into battle. So I guess I should do so with a big smile on my face. Fuck it.

[EFerrari]

52. Some people don't seem to understand that depression isn't just

sadness -- a mood that can be changed with a little effort. They seem not to understand the order or magnitude or how it can be a whole body experience.

[EFerrari]

54. Depression sucks because it can eat seven months of your life

as an appetizer.

It's so bizarre. It's having access to yourself in fits and starts because the only continuity is in suppressing the depression.

This is why I was never a roller coaster lover, never wanted to go into space or be a Green Beret.

I have no idea how I spent last month except trying to hold everything together. TG it's February and there's more light every day. The gain here, though, is that this house feels good. I don't miss Doug, the animals are fine and my neighborhood is great. My activism has been on hold since October and that's been a source of regret but you can't give what you don't have. Being honest with my peeps about what I can or can't do helps a lot.

Last week I eased into some business in the most low key way. That worked. I can't wait until I can read again. There's a pile of books I kept amassing before I understood I couldn't read.

Depression sucks because you keep disappointing people and yourself while you're wrestling with it and on the days when wrestling is possible. I don't know if that's denial or merely survival.

Depression sucks and yet there is a window somewhere in this place that is for crawling out of once the sill is found. It may not be a big window or a sunny one, but the fact of that window is enough today.



Thanks, guys.

[Sugar Smack]

55. Depression sucks because a lot of us are comedians &

jesters to the rest of our world , a lot of us have qualities that are cherished by people, but we can't make it fit and we wind up loathing ourselves. I try to distract myself with humor, but humor's what it is: a distraction.

It sucks because the things that we used to be good at don't seem to matter any more.

[Forkboy]

58. I have nothing to add to what you just said, really.

Being the jester is better than not being anything, at least at times. And those other times are the scary ones, when being something for others just doesn't cut it.

My whole life is a distraction.

[gemdem]

56. Inspired by this thread, from my journal last July

Depression sucks because it cuts you off from the world -- the people and things that matter most. It drains the color and joy from your life and everything becomes a mirthless shade of gray.

Depression sucks because pain is the only thing that lets you know you are alive. Everyday your body and heart ache and your head is filled with images and thoughts that make every waking moment hell. Death would be welcomed were it not for the pain it would cause others. At times, that notion is barely enough to keep you going.

Depression sucks because you wear a mask so that nobody can see the pain -- the horror show that is inside, the darkness that oozes within clouding your vision and your mind. All manner of hurt -- real and imagined, past, present, and anticipated play over and over on the endless loop in your mind.

Depression sucks because you wear invisible chains that grow heavier with each day. You feel every bit as dead and tortured as Marley's ghost. Some days it's a Herculean effort to breathe or move -- let alone function doing a job and caring for family.

Depression sucks because the people around you tell you to "cheer up" as though it's that simple. They don't know what to do with the sadness (and worse) those envelopes you, or the tears and breakdown that are just a blink away. Eventually the depression drives them away.

Depression sucks because it screams in your ears about how worthless you are, how stupid and ugly you are, how the world would be better off without you, and other things even darker and more terrible. Every song becomes a dirge and every voice becomes screeching static.

Depression sucks because it won't let you sleep no matter how tired you are. And if you manage to sleep it fills your dreams turning them to nightmares and terrors. You wake more tired than you were when you went to sleep.

Depression sucks because it's always there. Even a good day can't be fully enjoyed because you know that the depression will return. And you worry about when that will be, and how bad it will be.

All of this is depression for me. All of it sucks. I've experienced all of these things. These are my demons. When they visit me, it's usually just one or two at a time (thank God). Most days I can soldier through and tell folks who care to notice that I'm a bit down, or blue, or a little melancholy. Usually the mask is in place good enough that nobody says anything.

There have been times in my life where depression was at arm's length long enough to the point that I thought I had beaten the demons. But I'm going through a major life change (unwanted as so many are after a certain age), and the demons are here and they're nastier than ever. I've lived with them long enough (since about 14; I'm 46 now), so I can beat them back keeping body and soul together, but it's getting to the point where I need to get some help -- at least for a little while. Just another reason why depression sucks.

This was from last July, and life is somewhat better for me now. I've moved from the overwhelming depression to melancholy that has been my lifelong companion. Counseling and meditation have helped me to find my center. I've worked through one major unwanted life change and find myself in yet another one -- such is life. But most days I'm able to function "normally" and I'm not having to fight against the paralysis that depression brings.

[EFerrari]

57. That's good to hear, gemdem.

Good for you. :hug:

[EFerrari]

59. How is everyone?

My own depression isn't so lethal any more but it's still a big block.

I'm taking care of the animals, doing some contract work but not really doing as much as I need to do. Winter and dark is coming and I dread that.

Oh, well.

There's a lot of stuff happening in my family, marriages and cancer and aging. I hope this year will be a little better.

:hug:
:grouphug:

[Forkboy]

60. Getting a little down due to lousy health for the last two months.

Just been day after day of nausea and dizziness and a couple of seizures and fainting. I've had cancer treatment (not chemo) all week, and I've had to follow a diet from Hell (no meatballs is PISSING me off!). Friday is the last of it for now, and hopefully for good. Then I can concentrate on what's causing the seizures and fainting (diabetes or hypoglycemia maybe?). I've had to stop hanging with friends because I can't stay awake and have zero strength and energy, so the depression is setting in slowly but surely. Having to miss two cool shows because of this bugs me. :mad:

Other than that though.... :)

I hope your next year will be a lot better. :hug:

[EFerrari]

61. No meatballs?! That would PISS me off, too.

:grr:

Did you get tested for glucose tolerance or, what do you kids do nowadays

:hug:

[Forkboy]

64. Not yet.

I've been putting it off since the cancer crap. I just want to wind down a bit before tackling the next problem. I was in major manic mode for a few weeks, and it's kind of nice to just chill. I've been feeling better, hardly any nausea and dizziness, so I don't feel as rushed to do something. But next week I have to start the ball rolling on this stuff. If it is diabetes I really need to get it taken care of. I tend to put off health issues until it's a major deal, so maybe I'll try to get a jump on this.

Or maybe I'll just sleep all week. :)

The bad news...I have to go through all the same treatment again next year, which means another three meatball-less weeks. Why couldn't I get a type of cancer that doesn't interfere with my pasta intake? :mad:

[EFerrari]

69. Don't go there yet. We may be able to finagle a deal.

Okay, I don't know if that's the way "finagle" is spelled, but I bet you do. :evilgrin:

[ThingsGottaChange]

62. Depression sucks when it's been part of you life

since you were a child. 53 years of hating my life and wising I weren't here. Going thru the motions until it's over. I'm very tired.....

[EFerrari]

63. Hi there, ThingsGottaChange. I've been doing that for almost two years.

I didn't know depression was a full time occupation.

[Forkboy]

65. It's like being in a deep, dark well with no hand holds to climb out.

And it just goes on and on and on. It definitely takes it's toll over the years, doesn't it?

[UndertheOcean]

66. Yup , it sucks hard

[mopinko]

67. depression sucks because some people think it is easy to fix.

fresh air and sunshine and more loving parents and there would be no need for drugs.

fuck those people.

[EFerrari]

68. I have to wonder what axe so needs grinding

to run around telling other people what THEY need.

:hug:

[mopinko]

70. i suspect for many,

it is the nagging fear that it might be them. that they might have to one day face what is wrong with them. or a loved one.

[amyrose2712]

72. because you sometimes feel helpless watching a love one suffer nt

[mopinko]

73. i think you ALWAYS feel helpless watching a loved one suffer.

if they are really a loved one, anyway.
it sure does SUCK in a lot of loved ones.

[amyrose2712]

75. Sometimes you actually can help though, is what I meant ...

by sometimes. I didn't mean to misconstrue that.

[mopinko]

76. oh, absolutely.

someone who is on level ground can be a big help. it is a damn hard thing to do, tho.

[EFerrari]

74. So true. When I get very frustrated at my own family's reaction

to my depression, I try to remember how I felt the brazillion times I could do nothing for Doug except mirror his discomfort for him, try to empathize and just, be there with him and with It.

It's really hard to do that, or, it was for me.

:grouphug:

[nadine_mn]

77. depression sucks because I have just lost a year of my life

stupid depression

its been worse since I was fired last year - now with no reason to HAVE to get up, showered, and dressed I have just slept away a year

I worry my husband will get fed up with me

My "kids" (3 dogs and a cat) are so used to me home all day moping, that when I put a bra on, they get excited because it means I am leaving the house. So sad....ok and funny

Have had insomnia forever now, so that's fun

Even though I know you don't "snap out" of depression, I just wish I could wake up with energy, and not ache all over and feel like just going out to the store is an adventure

I remember loving to do things, now I just exist

[mopinko]

78. get a sleep study.

depression due to sleep depravation is the most treatable kind there is. get a study if you can. do you snore?

[nadine_mn]

79. I snore a little...but not like my hubby who I encouraged to

get a sleep study test years ago and he is now treated for his sleep apnea. The depression came before the insomnia, and the insomnia is more due thoughts I can't shut off I think

I have always been a night person, and now our elderly dog has to go outside at least every 3 hours, so I usually am awakened by her and then I just stay up

I do sleep, just for blocks of 2-3 hours at a time.

[mopinko]

80. not good enough.

sleep troubles can easily occur without your awareness. so the cycle that you are seeing may not have started when you think it did. at any rate, you will not get over your depression sleeping 2-3 hours at a time.

depression sucks because doctors don't take it seriously.

[residentfan]

81. I know this....

I know how this feels. Wednesday I was in a great mood. By Thursday I was back in the black hole again. Feeling useless, blue, like I am a failure. Not enjoying life at all. I need to get meds, but our wonderful health care system is locking me out of my needed anti depressants. It's ridiculous. I have considered calling the suicide hotline more than once in the past month. If this continues I may have to check myself in again. I can't afford that either.

[nadine_mn]

83. I am so sorry for your pain...thank goodness I still have

my meds, otherwise there would be no way to make it through. peace and love be with you :hug:

[laylah]

87. residentfan...

:hug: Check out the pharmaceutical companies. Some offer meds for free depending on your income. I am so sorry you are feeling this way, it sucks to be us right now, huh? I have been in this black hole now since September 1, 2006 when I got fired for asking the wrong person for help. True story! And I haven't had a decent job in my field (social work) since. Hang in there and know you re not alone. Always feel free to pm me if you wish.

Jenn

[Veritas_et_Aequitas]

82. Depression sucks because it gnaws on your soul.

[Ellen Forradalom]

84. depression sucks because it sneaks up on you and smacks you

when you least expect it

[redqueen]

89. Yes... that's what I was just going to say.

I will be feeling all right, and think I'm feeling like my "old self" again, and then someone will say something, or I'll think of something... something that triggers bad thoughts, and then it's like I've fallen off a cliff. And then I feel guilty because I have no real reason to feel sad. So then I start beating myself up for that. Sometimes it seems impossible to break the cycle.

[laylah]

85. Depressions sucks because

it can be totally debilitating, as it is for me. I have felt this way for months and had hoped the meds would help, but it has only gotten worse. The Psychatrist I was dealing with insulted my inability to pay for my meds when I was in last so I am looking for another one so I can get these damned things adjusted. Living like this is a daily nightmare.

Sometimes I feel my monster is 20 ft. tall and runs the show in this house. I cannot remember the last time I felt hope and happiness. Now, with the commercial holidays upon us, I just want to find a hole, crawl in, and pull it in after me.

[amyrose2712]

86. How dare a Dr do that?...

He/she should be trying to help you get the meds if you can't afford them. Drs make me so angry sometimes, but I have my own issues with Drs. I can't stress enough how important I think a good UNDERSTANDING Dr is. Ya know, sometimes even EvilPharma can sometime help. They sometimes offer programs for people that can not afford meds. I hope that you find a good, understanding Dr. Besides, taking the step to get help, I think finding the right Dr is extremely important. Keep Strong. Good luck. Feel free to contact me to talk. I was a "poor man's psychiatrist"(That would be a bartender.) for 10 yrs, I listen well.

Peace, Love, and Music,

Amy

[laylah]

88. ...

:hug: Thank you.

[EFerrari]

97. One of my doctors used to give me his samples during the time I had no money.

He did it quietly and while we were talking about something else. I'll never forget his kindness to me and my family.

:hug:
:grouphug:

[HopeFor2006]

92. We had the same issue...

My daughter's psychiatrist gathered as many sample packets as she could. We wound up with 3 months of free meds. At that point in time we wouldn't have made it without help.

[TrogL]

90. Depression sucks because it makes my head hurt and it's a drag just to walk

...and it's embarrasing to cry at work when nothing earth-shattering has happened.

[terrya]

93. Depression sucks because of the sheer hopelessness you feel.

Like I'm feeling right now.

[mopinko]

94. oh, and so early in the morning, too.

:hug: for your long struggle, friend.
trying to think of something else to say. :shrug: damn.

[terrya]

95. Thank you, mopinko.

Thank you, friend. I'm doing better today.

:hug:

[mopinko]

i like mornings these days, but

when my fibromyalgia was worse, and morning meant, "shit, another day. can't i just keep sleeping", it was the worst minutes of the day.
glad today was better.

[mopinko]

96. i like mornings these days, but

when my fibromyalgia was worse, and morning meant, "shit, another day. can't i just keep sleeping", it was the worst minutes of the day.
glad today was better.

[a la izquierda]

98. Depression sucks because...

people don't understand and think that because you put on a happy face, things are okay.
Hey...I'm not okay.

[mopinko]

102. that is a way to not deal with the situation. a form of denial.

it let's them off the hook for the obvious question- so what do i do now? in a way, it is understandable. what do you do to help someone who is depressed? answer- there is no good answer.
on some level, usually people do know that you aren't ok. they just don't know what to do. understandable, although completely useless.

:hugs: is the best that i can do.

[rhiannon55]

99. Depression sucks the motivation out of me

I don't have the interest or energy I need to do anything creative. I can't even write anymore--that's why I've become more of a lurker than a contributor to DU conversations. It's easier to just read other people's thoughts than to post my own.

[Myrina]

100. ... because it makes me my own worst enemy ...

... when I'm in a deep, drawn out funk, I shut down and basically give up.
This has caused me to walk away from jobs and relationships - only to later spend endless time kicking myself in the ass for my
impetuous and bad decision-making, which then deepens the depression. Its like a hole I can't get out of and some days I lay
around just hoping it would all go away.

Just did it again a couple months ago, and as everyone knows, finding a job these-days ain't no picnic for the strongest of us.

I sometimes wonder if some people are 'meant' to be unhappy/depressed all their lives -- because it seems like whatever 'good'
things come my way, I waste or shun them, and then end up depressed and angry that I'm not in a better place at this stage in my
life. I look at co-workers and friends who have relationships, who travel, who have 'extracurricular activities' and I wonder what
a life like that would even be like?



:(

[amyrose2712]

101. Funny, I was just going to post , "Because it makes me self-

destructive.":shrug: :shrug: I don't know why I do the thing I do that make me even more depressed.

[Forkboy]

104. I think that's probably a common thread among many of us.

I know it applies to me all to well, and it's one of the reasons I get involved with people very little these days. "A drowning man can pull you under along with him" said Mike Watt, and he's right. If I'm going down I'm going down alone. :)

It's weird because a lot of times when we do something we know it's wrong and a bad decision, and yet we do it anyways. That's the aggravating part. It's no fun feeling like your own brain is the enemy.

[Forkboy]

103. Depression just feeds on itself.

And that's where these thoughts that you're "meant" to be like this come from. Because you're not...none of us are. I squander many good things myself (my marriage, for one) because of it, and I don't know how to change it either. But I don't think I'm somehow meant to be this way, perhaps as an agnostic saying I'm meant to be a certain way assumes a higher power's involvement that I just don't accept. My thoughts are more in line with the concept proposed by the band Bad Religion, "On the tip of a continuum flowing wavelike through disorder". That sounds closer to the truth for me. :)

I'm like you in that I see these people with normal lives and it's hard for me to even imagine what that's like. But then I see people my age (41) and they have kids, gray hair and a mortgage, and I realize they aren't any happier than me. I may be batshit crazy, but I have a lot of freedoms these people don't, so maybe I'm better off not being like them. ;)

[Odin2005]

107. Depression sucks because I often have no ambition and motivation to do anything.

:cry:

[Forkboy]

110. What sucks is it's hard to even enjoy things you normally get into.

And it doesn't help that most people see that lack of ambition and motivation as just being lazy. Those people really have no clue what it's like to be truly depressed. Everyone has bad stretches where things suck, but until someone really goes through true depression they only think they know what it's like. That's why so many people still think people who are really depressed can just "snap out of it". It just doesn't work that way. I know if I was able to snap out of it I would have done so in a heartbeat, as I'm sure you would as well.

[Control-Z]

108. Depressions sucks

especially when it goes on for years. It's just so hard to keep up the pretense of being ok for so damn long. Can't tell anyone how bad it feels. Everything is forced. Nothing feels good, ever. It's all a measure of how bad it is. And after so long, it becomes your personality.

Sorry. I just needed to vent. Bad day. Bad month. Bad year. Going on a bad decade. Seriously.

[Forkboy]

109. No need to apologize.

I know it seems hard to believe that others can understand, but many of us have been there, are there, or will be there again. Vent away. :)

[redqueen]

111. It feels so all-encompassing sometimes.

It feels so extremely hard just to keep going.

[UndertheOcean]

112. checking , yup , still sucks

[mopinko]

114. bwahhahahaha- there are some laughs in this thread.

rereading the story of the dead snake.

we need a sense of humor. this has been a great thread, but maybe we need a- what is the funniest thing that mental illness has ever dropped on our doorstep.

[Forkboy]

115. My good run of not being depressed finally ended.

And yes, it still sucks. x(

[mopinko]

116. oh, man

you WILL come out on the other side. do what you have to do.
peace.

[Forkboy]

118. Thank you.

It hasn't reached crushing proportions yet, it's just a deeper spell than I've had in the last 18 months. I'm moving soon and I think that will help a lot. I'm under the thumbs of a couple people where I am and that just eats at me daily. I don't like my future being at the whim of moody people. :)

[mopinko]

119. do you have the details of your move worked out?

place to go, all that?

[Forkboy]

120. Pretty much.

Just a matter of paperwork being processed. I know where I'm going and stuff, though. If not by the end of July, by the end of August for sure. I've basically been in one room for 4 and half years, so it's time to bail. :)

[mopinko]

121. good luck my friend.

one room can be quite a drag.

[Forkboy]

122. Thank you, mopinko.

I appreciate it. :pals: