Does anyone else feel "angry", most of the time?

[michaelpush]

I just feel angry about everything! Overload? I guess I turn depression into anger. I wish I could just have a good cry, but I cant...for some reason. Females seem to be able to do that a lot better...Males just get angry and then before you know it, there are Wars everywhere!

[Droopy]

1. I used to be like that, michael

But my reasons for that might be different than yours. I used to be extremely paranoid and depressed. I thought that everybody hated me. Pretty soon I got this attitude like, "Fuck all of you!!! I got a right to survive, too! Just leave me alone!" I thought that people were intruding on my thoughts and that there was always an ulterior meaning to everything people said that was usually meant to disrespect me. I got so angry. It's a wonder I am not in prison right now.

But I eventually cried, michael. Just like a little baby here was this 6 foot tall 250 pound man wailing and screaming with tears running down his face. It might have saved my life. At that point I gave up trying to take on the world on my own. I learned in the hospital that nobody hated me. I learned that in reality that I'm a kind and likable person.

Are you sure that you are currently dealing with reality?

[michaelpush]

2. I think the response to my post tells a lot..

Thanks for your response. I think that in a group where support is the principal purpose and you try to reach out, and, you get 1 reply...I guess that says a lot...about how I relate to people. Perhaps I shouldn't try at all, I am just in such a state right now...My worst month seems to be August. Both of my hospitalizations happened in August 2 years in a row...I don't know why.

[Droopy]

3. Hey man

First of all this group moves slowly. Over the course of time your original post might end up netting 20 posts or more.

What concerns me is your reasoning saying that you should not try at all. Reach out. Go to counseling. Go to real life support groups. Go to anger management therapy if you have to.

What matters about anger is how you channel it. If you take it out on the bench press at the gym or yelling out some lyrics in a rock band you're cool. If you take it out on the old lady you deserve to be in jail. If you feel like you have to punch then give me a holler. I'm a truck driver and I can make it to just about anywhere in the country. We'll put on the gloves and go to town at the local gym. I'll knock your ass out, too. ;)

But I don't think you are like that. What you mentioned about your illness being cyclical is very common. The summer months are particularly detrimental for people with mental illness. Something about the heat.

Keep this in mind. There is a better life for you out there. You might have to work a little bit for it, but it's there.

Here is my cell number if you need to talk to someone. Note to mods: this is my real number and I give it freely. Anyone who posts here is free to call me if you need anything from support to a swift kick in the ass. [phone]. Give me a holler, michael. I'll whip your ass into shape.

[mopinko]

4. Something about the heat.

sleep

[mopinko]

5. it takes time to think sometimes, of the right thing to say.

and i have to say this to you-
in the other thread, you said that you had no money to see a doc, and get some inexpensive meds that might help you if you have fibro. but now you are worried about ending up in the hospital. last time i looked, that was the more expensive option.
if your life is not worth the $1-200 max that treatment would cost, well, maybe you should think about what it is worth to your wife, or your cats, at least. but it ought to be worth it to you.
take that step, man, and get better. you are worth it. and you can get better.

[EFerrari]

15. Hi there, Michael. I'm sorry, I haven't been reading this forum

very much. But, I'm glad you're here.

Beth

[EFerrari]

14. What a beautiful post.

:hug:

:grouphug:

[mrgorth]

6. I think so

I think anti-depressants help me.

[mrgorth]

7. I think so.

Anti-depressants have helped me.

[mopinko]

8. of males and females

i remember hearing someone on npr selling a book about male depression. iirc, she was pointing out that it has been accepted as fact that women experience more depression, seek more treatment, and more hospitalizations. but men committed suicide at a higher rate, and, of course, are incarcerated for violent crime at a much higher rate. she was advocating for an understanding that depression in men looked different, and was more likely to express itself as anger and violence.
maybe that is common knowledge among those that work with this stuff.

[Lilith Velkor]

10. This is how sexism hurts men

It's not socially acceptable for men to express sadness, but anger is perceived as manly. So many get sucked into the prison system (or worse, the war machine) before they get past the poisonous way we socialize males.

[Pharaoh]

9. Michael

Personally I have found a direct link in myself between deep deep sadness and anger, perhaps even rage. I find that if I suppress the sadness it invariably will come out as anger. Partly this is society's fault in that it does not really allow men to cry openly like women can. I had been on antidepressants for 20 years but did not like the fact that they did not allow me to feel at all. Now I can go to a movie and cry at the sad parts. I think this is healthy. I use an alpha stim to keep the depression in check. Anger and depression are both negative emotions and are interchangeable.
Living in this world you are one of the more normal ones to feel despair and anger at the state of the world we live in. You'll be OK in the long run.

[DemExpat]

11. I agree that a huge ingredient of depression can be feeling

utterly powerless to do anything about deeper feelings of sadness, fear, or anger, and that this creates the shutdown state of depression.

That is why IMO therapy/counseling can help in deciphering what these deeper feelings are and where they might come from, and assist in finding ways to deal with and handle situations in our life that exacerbate these feelings.

Pharoah, I also see those of us who suffer mentally as the "healthy" ones :-) - the sensitive, empathetic humans who see all that is cruel and unfair in this world. Of course one may be empathetic without going under oneself, but that is something that we need to learn to deal with.

I do believe that feeling and experiencing pleasure and joy is a fundamental part of living, but have never bought into the advice to close myself off to the suffering and pain of others.

It is a very fine balance here IMO to protect oneself and enjoy life while not closing oneself off to pain and misery of others....... and of oneself!

DemEx

[hashibabba]

12. Don't dismiss meds too quickly...

I've been on three medications for depression (and two for anxiety and one for mood stabilization) and I love how I feel. You don't feel high or anything, I always just felt like I was myself again, I wasn't really sure how I *really * was. I have to say I don't cry as often as I used to. I was always quite emotional before. But I don't mind it usually. I still feel the sadness, but I also always feel the happiness, even when things aren't going all that great. The meds and all the work I did (cognitive therapy) helped me so much. It did take a long time, but if you're as bad as I was, you'd be better to go into a hospital for a little stay so they can stabilize you. I fought it tooth and nail and never went even though they tried to coax me into it (they could have made me go, but they never did).

When I have a bad episode, then the anger starts coming out and I recognize that I cry a lot more like I used to. They've told me I'll always have to be on drugs because its very genetic with me. But that's just fine with me if that's what it takes to help me. Lots and lots of therapy also helped. They never really did *shrink* me, just listened to me when I was willing to talk (not very often for the first several years).

If your problem is cyclical, it could also be bipolar disorder. In case, its possible you only need one little lithium pill to help you get through all this. SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) is mostly bad in the winter. I'd never move back up north because I really notice a difference with the sunshine (although they even have light boxes to help that now).

I hope you get the help you need. I'm sure any one of us would be here to support you if you want to write/vent, whatever. It helps and we're not likely to be judgmnental like a lot of people who don't have a clue are.

[Pharaoh]

13. No , don't dismiss the meds

They helped me alot,

If it was'nt for other reasons I might still be on them.

PS: Love your website, I will go back and visit when I have time.
http://www.geocities.com/nashville/8403/

[EFerrari]

16. I'll pipe up for meds, too. Doug now can have

a whole day of "good" hours. He can work, he can do so many things that he couldn't do before meds.

I'm not a lover of pill popping but, they've made his life possible. I'm really grateful for that.